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  #81  
Old 10-27-2013, 02:10 PM
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Well, I am off to play WarMachine today without M. This will be my first time at the game store without him, but C is meeting me there at noon to help me with my army. I offered to meet him for lunch prior, to see if he'd bite, giving him a good out to let me down easy, and he took it. So, either he's just a big flirt or he's scared of me. Either way, I think he's a dead end. Not upset in the least - I have made a good friend.

I joined a local sci-fi book club and went to a meeting Friday, and got asked out to a trivia game last night. I already play pub trivia 2 times a week, so it was super cool that 3 of the people in the book club play in the same league! They recognized me almost instantly and that was very cool. I'm famous! Heh. Anyway, the one chick I carpooled with was really nice, and we had great conversation coming back from trivia last night about dating and sex. The other two guys were very different - 1 seemed quiet and both times now he has been just staring at me from a distance and not engaging me directly. Not sure what that is about! The other guy has the same name as C, which is something I find funny - because I am silly - and he is definitely putting moves on me.

Before the book club was even finished he had friended me on Facebook, and he burned up my message feed most of the evening. Same thing during the day Saturday, and he complimented me and talked to me lots at trivia. Hilarious - he made a comment about liking the style of my shirt, and a friend of his said, "What? That it's low cut?" and the entire table burst into laughter. "We all can appreciate that!" Poor C2 was left floundering.

Anyway, after trivia he chatted with me on Facebook for at least 90 minutes, and he was laying it on pretty thick - saying how he noticed me back in July when he started playing trivia, and then again last week, and then this week he was looking and thinking about me at trivia. I was kinda like, in my head, thinking, seriously, you want me to buy the idea that even though you just met me on Friday, you noticed me and have been thinking about me for months? Um, ok.

Oh, and then this morning he messaged me the minute I logged in, and we chatted for about an hour. I had to cut him off to go get ready to leave. I don't know how I feel about this guy - he is nice enough, and a good conversationalist. I will see him again - with M - at trivia on Wednesday.

I was talking to my husband this morning about how I must have been naive for all these years, but before I started dating as poly, I was oblivious to guys. No clue that they weren't just being friendly, that they probably wanted to fuck me. D said that I am a dork and of course that has been the case. It kind of freaks me out a bit, but looking back, he is probably right.
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  #82  
Old 10-27-2013, 07:49 PM
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So C kicked my butt at WarMachine, which I expected, but he taught me lots so that was cool.

Before heading home I realized I had an hour to kill before having to be back at the house to prepare for my party tonight, so I messaged M to see if he wanted to meet for that amount of time. He said that would be great, but then said he asked his wife and though she said sure, he thought she didn't mean it so he couldn't come.

Ergh!

I don't think it should be this difficult only 3 months in, should it? I told am from the get-go that I cannot handle a relationship where I am having to tiptoe around a metamour, and I need more than once a week face time to feel secure. I am especially feeling like crap right now because D is leaving this coming weekend for a business trip for a week. I was hoping that giving M an hour to see me briefly would help me feel better, but instead I am left feeling worse.

I feel more and more like he came into the relationship with the thought that his wife would be ok with him being poly, but from my point of view that isn't the case at all.
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  #83  
Old 10-27-2013, 08:00 PM
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She let him come see you ON THEIR ANNIVERSARY.

She does have feelings wants and needs too.

I get you are emotional right now but to me you are coming across a bit selfish.
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  #84  
Old 10-27-2013, 09:15 PM
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Let him? I didn't request that he do that, or that she let him. I thought they were both nuts. Still do. I told him the minute he mentioned it that we could reschedule and that we absolutely should.

I don't believe I am being selfish. I entered this relationship with the idea that he was going to be able to hold up his end - I need face to face; I can't do long distance relationships. I want someone who is able to see me more than once a week. He assured me it would be fine. So far, every week something has come up and he has to cancel and switch things around, or just not see me at all. I don't feel like I am a priority. I need to feel like I am. I have rescheduled with him, but it has always been to add more time, not to take away time. I have spoken to him about this, and he agrees this is the case. I told him, again and again, it feels like, that I do not want to be a booty call, and him coming over on one day, him sleeping over and then leaving, well, that says booty call to me.

I love him. I really, really do. I just don't know how to make my absolute need to see him more than once a week balance with what it is we have. I am not ready to break up with him, but it really is reaching the tipping point where emotionally I can't handle it.
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  #85  
Old 10-27-2013, 09:27 PM
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If you want him in your life you are going to have to accept that due to life commitments on his end he can not be at your beck and call.

Honestly you have only been together 3 months. You all have not found your rhythm yet. You have more free time due to your lifestyle. He does not. They share a car.. have an older child who has to be taken too and from work.

At three months in I did not see Murf nearly as much as I do now. There is still some weeks I get to see him at midnight the night before sleep over but have to be home by 3 to get my kids off the bus.We live a half hour apart.

You need to decide if once a week is enough. This may be all he can give you. You have to ask yourself if he is worth it.
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Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #86  
Old 10-28-2013, 02:08 AM
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I have one vehicle. I have an older child who needs to be taken to and from work, who is special needs. I homeschool a teenager. Yes, I am a stay at home mom, but he is a stay at home dad. (His teen is the only, and youngest.) I actually have less time than he does, because I teach Chemistry 3 days a week and have to make room for that.

Obviously I know he has commitments. So do I. I try my best to work around them, but I don't feel I am getting the same consideration, because his wife pushes back. Or at least, that's the impression I get. Even when he sees me during the day, when she is at work, later there is a complaint. You are right - I need to decide if it is worth it. Right now I am hanging in there, because I am hoping it will get better, and he is most definitely worth it. But, if I only see him for once a week sex, to me that is not a relationship. I don't want that. He told me he wanted Polyfidelity, and that I would be as close to being a primary as possible. I do believe emotionally and sexually to him, I am - yes, even with just once a week sex. I want him to be a primary of mine too, but it means something different to me - he is not my emotional primary, because he isn't here, and he isn't my sexual primary, because he isn't here. Right now I am just as sexually unfulfilled as I was before being poly, because my husband was having sex with me twice a week, but now he's down to once a week, since M is here once a week. Sex with each guy is wonderful, but I need more - I crave more. I need emotional support. I need to know it is ok to call or message him when I am feeling down - but I can't. It kills me, because I want that closeness. He assures me he wants that. His wife admits he wants that and she says she is ok with he and I sharing that. But then, here I am, not getting what was agreed to.

So, yeah.
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  #87  
Old 10-28-2013, 02:15 AM
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Then maybe this is not the relationship for you.
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40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #88  
Old 10-28-2013, 02:16 AM
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So far, yes and no. I am working at it. I want it to be.
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  #89  
Old 10-28-2013, 02:18 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Are you sure the wife is the road block.

Sometimes actions speak louder then words. If he was moving in the same direction as you he would find a way to meet your needs.

Trust me I put my foot down with Butch in regard to Murf early on.
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40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #90  
Old 10-28-2013, 02:23 AM
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Maybe, maybe not. Time will tell, I suppose. Sometimes I think that yes, her issues are causing problems, and then other times, I think it might just be him. I dunno. When we are together, I feel very supported and loved. Apart - not so much. That is an issue of mine though - even with my husband, if we go more than 3 days without physical touch, just a hug or snuggling, I start feeling anxious and detached. So with M, this happens every week. That is my part of the problem.

He says he will be able to make sure we don't go that long between dates, but yet, it keeps happening. I am going to talk with him again Wednesday. Since my husband is leaving for a week soon, I am going to have a difficult time if they both are not around. Sigh.
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