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  #71  
Old 10-21-2013, 01:27 AM
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Well, I guess M is planning to come spend all day and night with me on Wednesday, even though that is his 10th wedding anniversary. H doesn't mind, I have been told. Whatever - if it were me, I would be upset if D even suggested being away. Especially in this instance, there isn't even anything special planned, just a regular date day. I guess it just shows how strange their relationship is to me. I couldn't fathom being apart.

Then again, I could, with my ex-husband. We never did anything special for our anniversary or on my birthday. I see now it was because he was a self-centered jerk. I don't think it's the same issue here though, but still, I guess I can sorta understand it. All I can say is that no way would I want to be apart from D on our anniversary.

Oh, and this is ten years for them! Goodness.
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  #72  
Old 10-21-2013, 05:11 AM
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Hi Blue-glad you are happy. I just caught myself up on your blog. Sorry to hear D will be gone all of next month. As far as coming out to family when you go up North, what do D & M think about it? Choices...those don't make you promiscuous but managing time for yourself and your current partners is where I would be most concerned with and if you need more sex and can continue with meeting the needs of the men, then why not but it's your needs that should be your deciding factor. Hugs and keep blogging, I love reading it

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  #73  
Old 10-22-2013, 09:52 AM
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Finally! I couldn't log in or post at all yesterday - I guess the site was having issues.

Got punched in the gut last night again and went to bed feeling all out of sorts. Last night was M's game night at home, and in the middle of it, H messages me and then lets me know that one of the guys brought his girlfriend over. Yeah, nice. So that's two new people who have been allowed in their house, though I am still barred from attending, because supposedly H doesn't want anyone but the original 4 people over. Whatever. The entire situation would almost be a joke if I wasn't left feeling so disrespected and marginalized. At this point, why not just organize a fucking open Facebook party evite and have the whole world over.

So yeah, I know everyone there. These are people I would hang out with and do hang out with at other times, but I am not allowed or invited when things are happening at M's house. And I am just supposed to swallow the idea it is because H can't handle having anyone new over? New meaning someone who has never been inside her home before. Clearly, this isn't the case. Clearly, it is just me.

I can't stand the fact that I am supposed to act as if I believe this horseshit, because that is what this looks like to me - horseshit. At least be truthful. Fuck. I could handle things better if M and H were being honest. Instead, I am just left upset and hurt.

I don't want to fight. I didn't say anything to H when she told me this fact about the new girl joining the game. I just went to bed. M didn't say good night to me, or anything, but I suppose that is fair because I didn't say boo to him either. I messaged him this morning to say sorry for not saying good night and that I love him.

I don't know if I should say anything at all. I want to be honest about how I am feeling, but I don't want to cause drama. I have no idea how to resolve these feelings though.
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  #74  
Old 10-22-2013, 12:20 PM
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Have you ever asked him or his wife the real reason why you are not allowed in their home? I am picky like that. There are certain people who will never be allowed to enter my home. Some of my own relatives fit that tab.

The only way you can resolve it is to discuss the feelings surrounding it with him or her directly. Try not to make it about anyone else but you. Do not start off with, "Such and such was there on Wednesday, and the week before xyz was there." Stick to the facts and the basics. Obviously it is bothering you, and it needs to be addressed. I have never heard of a rule like that.

I advise people to date as many people as they can manage in a healthy way. I have seen people who took on too many relationships and lost themselves. They ended up burning out and stretching themselves beyond their means. I would not advise that. I have no idea what constitutes promiscuity. If it feels right and you have the time, go for it.
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  #75  
Old 10-22-2013, 02:13 PM
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If your bf's wife wants to keep you out of her territory, she has every right. Even if she likes you, she may want to keep things separate. It's only been 2-3 months.

Some people make up excuses because they can't admit things, even to themselves.

I'd step back and try not to take it personally.
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  #76  
Old 10-22-2013, 02:46 PM
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I am sure that is it, Magdlyn. The reason I think it upsets me so is because neither of them are being truthful to me, or to themselves. I wonder where else this trait may surface. It is very hurtful to me and for the most part, I am able to not take it personally, but when several times now their stated reasons don't match up with what is happening, yet they continue to insist that they are being truthful, it just pisses me off.

Honestly, straight up, if I were told, this is her space, she feels threatened, she needs to have it girlfriend-free, I would understand and deal. However, I am told numerous times that no, that isn't the case. I guess I should read the actions instead of the words, I suppose.

I need to not react so emotionally. It just makes me feel devalued when I take it personally.
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  #77  
Old 10-22-2013, 03:00 PM
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There in lies the problem. Is it that you need to hear it? I am reading between the lines, and it is apparent how she/they really feel.

Truthfully, I would be the same way. I would not allow metamours in my home, and I would tell them straight up. There would be no need for them to be in my house, around my children, in my bed, or leaving any possessions in my home. I think it is a wonderful thing that my husband is not poly.
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  #78  
Old 10-22-2013, 03:25 PM
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Honestly Bluebird she owes you NO explanation as to why you are not allowed to go to their home. She says no drop it for Goodness sake. Someone is trying to spare your feelings. You are being too pushy on the subject. I get it you are all head over heels but give this couple some space without you in it.

Butch is not comfortable with Murf in his turf. He has opened up a bit on the subject. But he prefers Murf not invade his turf. Knowing that the lions share of the time I spend with Murf is elsewhere. It is not that Butch dislikes Murf they are friends.

Let the subject go the more you push the more likely it will backlash.
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  #79  
Old 10-22-2013, 10:10 PM
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Well, I don't believe I am being pushy because it isn't like I am bringing it up all the time. I am not demanding anything - I am just asking for honesty.

Anyway, I went to visit M this afternoon, and we had some discussion. Apparently H has decided to no longer worry about things, and I can come over. We had more talk about their anniversary too.

M asked me to come over and talk to his son about homeschooling, so I did, and ended up driving him to work.

Again, I don't actually think I am even going to visit his house much - that was never really the issue here. I don't intend to be in anyone's possessions, or in their bed. But it was distressing to know that if ever I needed to use the restroom, I would be expected to drive 15 minutes down the road to a McDonalds. To me, it was also about being truthful about why things were the way they were, and to not be disrespected by what felt was rubbing it in my face, by saying one thing and then having that not be the case at all. Now that it has been dealt with in the open, I feel better.
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  #80  
Old 10-25-2013, 04:36 PM
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M and I had a really good time together both Wednesday and Thursday. Wednesday he basically hung out at my house and painted some WarMachine models while I was teaching my daughter Algebra 2 and went over some essays she had written. (I homeschool.) We had some snuggle time on the loveseat and went to trivia that night and played as a two-pack and lost in a spectacular fashion.

Sex was wonderful, as always. He finally put it in my pooper, which I love, but my husband isn't into it, so it had been 6 years or so for me. I was nervous about it, but I encouraged him and it went awesome.

Oh! I started my period that night, so I decided to use my diaphragm as a catch-all, as suggested. It worked awesome and I kept it in all night. That morning it was totally fucking gross. Seriously - Black brown clots and I had to clean it. BLECH. Never again! lmao

Thursday we spent the day together playing WarMachine at the hobby shop. It was strange to have Thursday with him, because normally I teach a science class at a co-op and then a Chemistry class in the evening. For this week and next, I have the entire day free though. Also, Thursday night is date night for M and H, so I have never scheduled anything on those nights with M - they are as important to H as Wednesday nights are to me!

That said, M made a comment the other day about how he and H were arguing and she brought up about how he gave up one Thursday for me. This was the first time he came to my house - it was for a Star Wars trivial pursuit game that I had scheduled before I even met him, and several people were attending. I reminded him of that fact, and he said yeah, he knows, but she brought it up because she was frustrated. I find that kind of shitty.

Also, when we were snuggling on the loveseat on Wednesday afternoon, he was checking his emails with me in his lap, and he was reading some of them to me - spam and the like. There was one that was a message from H that he didn't mean for me to see, and didn't realize what it was. I only glanced at it, and saw that the first line said something like, "when you were off playing sweet family with Bluebird..."

Ugh. I asked him about it immediately, of course, and he flipped off of it super fast and was extremely evasive. I didn't ask to read the rest, because I don't want to feel terrible. He said that it was a message she wrote on Tuesday because she was having a bad day and had come home to find the dishes not done. Why weren't they finished? Because he was out with me unexpectedly. He said he told her that it didn't matter that he was with me, that he wouldn't have done them anyway, because he was painting his miniatures nonstop.

The more that M talks about it, I really think H is struggling with his version of poly with me. I know she had issues about us being polyfi and not using condoms, and she was "concerned" with how quickly and how strongly M loved me. M says she is going to a play party tonight, so hopefully she will be able to work through some of her issues with her friends in that scene. I think that it is normal that when they argue now, they make it about me. I find that very worrisome. M says that it isn't a problem, that we are strong. So, ok.


On Thursday at the hobby shop, C showed up later in the evening. By that point, M was playing against someone else in his league, so I had time to chat a bit with C. I made a point to go say hi and say a couple of things to him, but someone came over and started talking to him, so I retreated and started sorting cards at my station, and then watch M's game. All of a sudden, C was at my arm, and he talked for a good 20 minutes about his new game, and answered some personal questions while we chatted about his military career. Then he went over my card lists, and helped me pick some good jacks.

After that, we split apart and both went about, watching other games, chatting with others, etc. From time to time, he would call me over to point out something, and I would go over and see what he was looking at. Overall, it was a very friendly interaction. I wouldn't say any of it was romantic or suggestive, though we did both make sexual jokes at a couple points. So, I dunno. He could just be a friendly guy trying to make me feel comfortable, or he could be feeling me out.

I messaged him this morning to see if he could meet me at the hobby shop on Sunday to practice my new list and he was very amiable to that idea. He also suggested that he could bring a mirror of my list to play against me, so I could see how someone else would play it. Very helpful! M may come on Sunday too, but he hasn't talked to H yet and he is very uncertain of his schedule - he knew I was going to ask C to come play since he was iffy on being able to go, and is cool with it.

Honestly, I am really liking C - he is a very friendly and intelligent person. However, unless he shows some initiative and stops flirting and gets serious, things aren't going to progress. I enjoy my time with him and he's a good friend so far, but I am not going to be the aggressor in the relationship because of all the reasons I've listed previously. I like him, but there are a lot of reasons why dating him isn't ideal.
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