Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #41  
Old 09-29-2013, 01:33 AM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 249
Default

M called me tonight and I am not certain we really made a lot of headway. He feels I am being too inflexible with scheduling, while I believe I have no say. I told him the difference between us is when I ask to make changes, it has always been to add time in, whereas he takes time out. I think he did see what I meant by that.

I did feel reassured that he loves me and wants to keep seeing me. He said when I get upset about scheduling, he feels like it is coming from nowhere, because he's in love with me and feels incredibly secure and that we have this strong bond. I told him I feel the opposite - I feel vulnerable and insecure, like he could drop me at any second.

He did say he doesn't like this drama, which I told him I disliked as well, but really him saying that just made me feel worse and probably less likely to communicate concerns. I told him that too.

D told me tonight he thought overall I have been very happy, and he is happy for me. However, because of the ongoing issues over scheduling, it is clear I need more face time, or at least consistent time, with M. He said if I didn't love him, he'd advise me to move on. Which is my own resolution, actually. But I do love M, very much so.

D says he believes M is being truthful - he does love me and doesn't understand the depth of my insecurities. D doesn't think I have cause to be insecure, because I could be dating someone much better than M. He likes M, but thinks I am dating beneath me. He also said he has always felt that way about himself too, actually. Silly man. Anyway, no way would M dump me, etc. because M thinks that too.

I wish I could believe that, but I don't see it. M is pretty fucking awesome. So is my hubby. I honestly love them both intensely and completely, in no way thinking they are below me. Really? That is laughable. Sigh. He may just be saying those things to bolster me.

The good news is that next week M plans to get a replacement vehicle, finally, so he says he will be able to schedule things with more certainty. It would certainly take care of my issues of him being so far away and our scheduling problems.

I am hanging in there. I really do not want to end this. I just don't want to feel like I am his least priority. I mean, even if I am - just don't let me feel it.

My period did start tonight too, ugh.
__________________
Hinge in a poly-fi vee
Wife to DarkKnight (8 years, mono)
Girlfriend to PunkRockAwesomesauce (2 months, mono)
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 09-29-2013, 12:43 PM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 249
Default

Yeah, it wasn't the only day. They have other plans on Tuesday already.
__________________
Hinge in a poly-fi vee
Wife to DarkKnight (8 years, mono)
Girlfriend to PunkRockAwesomesauce (2 months, mono)
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 09-30-2013, 12:30 AM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 249
Default

M and I ended up spending the entire afternoon together - I just got home. I think we both understand each other's positions better now, thank goodness. I seriously love this guy something wonderful. We mostly hung out at the park, just sitting, snuggling and talking. I told him pretty much everything I had written, last night, and we talked a bunch about it all. I feel like we are in a better place.

It is crazy to me to think how at the start of being poly, I was convinced I would have no issues with scheduling, because I am a calendar wizard. I never thought about my partner throwing a wrench in the works! Hopefully from now on we will have a smoother time of things.

When I am with M, I spend a lot of time just being overwhelmed by his presence - he is that intoxicating to me. How this man finds me to be a perfect fit for him, I dunno, but he is great for me.

He told me if there is one thing he dislikes about me is that I am "a pretty, pretty princess." He said he could never treat me like my husband does - apparently he thinks my husband does everything for me and treats me like a queen. Well, yeah, he does. But I am not asking M to do any of those things - which he acknowledges. He just wanted me to know he thinks D does too much for me. I thought he was going to say he dislikes my insecurity, so this was sort of a surprise.
__________________
Hinge in a poly-fi vee
Wife to DarkKnight (8 years, mono)
Girlfriend to PunkRockAwesomesauce (2 months, mono)
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 09-30-2013, 12:39 AM
Dagferi's Avatar
Dagferi Dagferi is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 837
Default

The canceling of time together would bug me too.

Right now Murf is picking up overtime where ever he can. For example this Tuesday. It isactually a day we would get solo due to Butch being off. But in its place he wants to see me Monday night for an overnight.
Friday which is our weekend together he wants to work a half shift. But he still wants me to come so he can crawl in bed with me after work.

Sometimes things come up but if he isn't rescheduling our making compromises especially in the honeymoon phase I would begin to wonder.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 09-30-2013, 12:58 AM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 249
Default

This was the first time he didn't offer a "makeup date." Mostly, he says, because I had let him know I could stop by to see him for a couple hours Friday afternoon while my daughter was at a birthday party. This to me was a bonus time, but he saw it as sufficient to take the place of an entire 10 am to overnight date. Um, no. We are on the same page now - or at least understand each other better. His friend apparently does need some boost time, and it is because of me. He doesn't approve of M having a girlfriend, or at least M thinks that is the issue, and so he wants to have a couple of bro days to hang out and talk about it. This is his best friend. I wish he had said so from the get go - I would still have been upset, but not as emo. He promises that things will be discussed more thoroughly in the future.

So, I am ok. And I am still going to get the overnight part of Wednesday, so that is good. Even though I'm on my period, I still want snuggle time.
__________________
Hinge in a poly-fi vee
Wife to DarkKnight (8 years, mono)
Girlfriend to PunkRockAwesomesauce (2 months, mono)
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 09-30-2013, 03:18 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,280
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluebird View Post
I am still going to get the overnight part of Wednesday, so that is good. Even though I'm on my period, I still want snuggle time.
Remember what I said about using the diaphragm to hold back the blood!
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

There's no lying in polyamory!

I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 09-30-2013, 03:23 PM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 249
Default

LMAO

Yeahhhhh.
__________________
Hinge in a poly-fi vee
Wife to DarkKnight (8 years, mono)
Girlfriend to PunkRockAwesomesauce (2 months, mono)
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 09-30-2013, 03:23 PM
Dagferi's Avatar
Dagferi Dagferi is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 837
Default

Instead menstrual cup also allows you to have sex while on your period. Best invention ever.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 09-30-2013, 06:34 PM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 249
Default

Magdlyn - how do you not turn into a bloodbath when trying to remove it x number of hours later?
__________________
Hinge in a poly-fi vee
Wife to DarkKnight (8 years, mono)
Girlfriend to PunkRockAwesomesauce (2 months, mono)
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 09-30-2013, 09:52 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,280
Default

I guess it depends on how heavy your flow is. I don't recall ever seeing more than ... 2 tablespoons maybe? But then, I didn't enjoy sex on the first 2 or 3 days, I just wanted to be left alone to bleed and cramp.

I guess if your flow is really heavy, wear a pad as well after sex. It's not gonna splash all over the bathroom floor when you remove it! It should be well clotted.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

There's no lying in polyamory!

I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:21 AM.