Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #331  
Old 08-01-2014, 01:44 PM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 818
Default

6 months! So very happy! I think we are going to grill burgers tonight and then play the FireFly board game as a family. PunkRock bought it as a gift for me quite a while ago, but we've not had time to play it because it looks so complicated.

I am so in love!!!

I cut off all my hair and now DarkKnight can't stop saying "Jinkies!" I apparently look like Velma from Scooby Doo when my hair doesn't have any product in it. I will post a picture in my album.
__________________
Unapologetically Poly

Hinge in a poly-fi vee with two mono men
Wife to DarkKnight, Engaged to PunkRockAwesomesauce

My Online Journal
Reply With Quote
  #332  
Old 08-05-2014, 03:48 PM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 818
Default

My best friend in NY came down to stay with us this weekend, and it was a lot of fun. I've missed her like crazy. She's going through a divorce right now and I think this break helped her. One night she started crying, because my husband brought her a glass of milk. Honestly, she was amazed at how loving and supportive PunkRock and DarkKnight are with me, and she says she is searching for that herself. I got her signed up for OKCupid and she has commenced to cracking out on that. lol

We played trivia last night and won. That was fairly awesome. One of the questions was about cheerleaders, and I asked PunkRock - and yes, he had hooked up with a cheerleader while in college. At first I found this somewhat hilarious, but then I started feeling weird and self-conscious. I am nothing at all like a cheerleader or like many of his past relationships. Why would he want to be with me? I started having negative, judging thoughts about myself. He tried telling me I was beautiful and it made me cry. I still have such difficulty with compliments! (This was later, not at trivia!)

He looks at me with such love. I do not doubt his depth of feeling for me. I question though, why? He is monogamous. He does not have to settle for a married, middle-aged, overweight mom with terrible skin. Sigh. He is awesomesauce. It is difficult when I begin thinking about how great PunkRock is and how I am dating "up" and out of my league. He says I am crazy, but he is so amazingly incredible!

So, I try to stop thinking about it. I am very lucky, and I will just enjoy his care and company.
__________________
Unapologetically Poly

Hinge in a poly-fi vee with two mono men
Wife to DarkKnight, Engaged to PunkRockAwesomesauce

My Online Journal
Reply With Quote
  #333  
Old 08-09-2014, 02:59 AM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 818
Default

Why do I ever worry about my men? Both DarkKnight and PunkRockAwesomesauce have been absolutely wonderful the last few days. Truly, I am loved. I am so very happy!

I posted a new photo of each of them in my albums. Holy crap, they are just so fucking yummy! I was sitting on the front patio the other night, and I had them trade off next to me so I could get a similar shot of each of them. They were so very smiley!
__________________
Unapologetically Poly

Hinge in a poly-fi vee with two mono men
Wife to DarkKnight, Engaged to PunkRockAwesomesauce

My Online Journal

Last edited by Bluebird; 08-09-2014 at 03:07 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #334  
Old 08-10-2014, 01:40 PM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 818
Default

We had DarkKnight's niece staying with us this weekend. She's 21, but presents as a 5 year old, mentally. At one point, around 8 years ago, she lived with us in Texas for an entire summer. We were actually hoping to get full custody of her at that point. I have a lot of experience with raising special needs children, as all of my kids were adopted older from the US foster care system and have varying issues. Plus, I've worked as a one-on-one aide in the school system to an autistic child. Anyway, we've always felt like DarkKnight's sister was not well equipped to deal with the needs of her daughter. It was sad to send her home at the end of the summer, knowing that the progress she had made would be lost.

A lot of the problem comes down to neglect. DarkKnight's sister is a terrible housekeeper and the smell is horrific. When my niece was dropped off on Friday morning, her clothes made me gag. Everything was immediately put into the washer, and I had her change into her bathing suit, since we were going tubing. I did have her keep on the shorts she was wearing, over her suit, but I gave her one of my Tshirts to use.

When we arrived at tubing, she stripped down to her bathing suit and along with everyone else's clothes, I put them in the van and then walked down to talk to some other people who were going into the water with us. When I returned to the closed vehicle, my daughter told me that it was starting to smell. Just having the shorts in there for less than 5 minutes - it was terrible. I had my niece put them back on, figuring having them sit in the van for 2 hours in the sun while we were on the creek would make it unbearable.

Anyway, I spent a half hour plus some on Friday night shaving her legs. She had a pelt. Her mom won't help her, saying it grosses her out. My niece was so excited to have her legs shaved. "I'm like a girl!" It makes me so sad. No toothbrush, no deodorant sent. The summer she stayed with us, she was able to self-care with supervision. If her mom took ten minutes every day, I am certain my niece would be able to do things on her own again. It's frustrating to me, and sad. I believe my niece will be moving to a facility soon though, so I am hoping she will get that attention.

DarkKnight is taking her home now, and then spending the rest of the day with our daughter, visiting his mom and then going to a family picnic. I'm not going, because I don't want to spend the day feeling like garbage. (His mom still hates me for being poly.) Instead, I'm staying home with PunkRock.

I did a lot of paperwork last night, focusing on my son's finances. I need to visit the social security office on Monday. I have a lot of phone calls to make too. I am really looking forward to not being his representative payee any more. I thought this job was over last year, but hopefully it will be for sure starting in 2015. I need to register him for his college class on Thursday. He says he wants to try and be independent, when we move out of state. That worries me. I think we will have to get him independent sooner, so we can have him in a routine before we leave, and be sure that there is a safety net for him. His last try at living alone resulted with him being homeless for a few months. He's 25 now, but his progress has been uneven. Anyway, I am not confident.

I've done a little more research about moving out of state. I've narrowed it down to three regions - the SouthWest (Arizona or New Mexico), the NorthWest (Oregon or Washington) and the Flyover States (Indiana or Kansas). In the groups, New Mexico came out as a clear winner, and I've been able to discount Kansas. My next step is to really compare Oregon and Washington.

I am still hung up on moving someplace with no snow, but I'm not the only person to get a vote. I do like the idea of southern Indiana, because it's more of a central location to have a home base. The plan still remains to rent a smaller, cheaper house (with a pool) and buy an RV or fifth wheel to go traveling in together. I figure a two week trip with DarkKnight, return home for two weeks, and then a two week trip with PunkRock, returning home for two weeks...rinse and repeat. If that is too frequent, we can certainly adjust.

I want a small motorhome with a small car to tow, or a big truck pulling the 5th wheel. I really don't want anything large though. Keeping the fuel costs down is a huge concern. The hope is that the savings in our rent by moving to a smaller house can fund the fuel on the motorhome. Right now, in Maryland, we pay $1625 a month on rent. We should be able to locate a 3/4 bedroom house for $1000, hopefully a little less, when we move. A friend in Indiana rents a whole 3 bedroom house for $650! We plan to look in areas that are in an economic downturn, but are still safe. Since DarkKnight works from home, the local job market isn't a huge concern, as long as there is a place for PunkRock to transfer to, when the time comes.

This is all contingent on my youngest daughter getting her own apartment while in college, coming home on school breaks.

So, planning is ongoing. It might not work out, but I like having a goal in mind.
__________________
Unapologetically Poly

Hinge in a poly-fi vee with two mono men
Wife to DarkKnight, Engaged to PunkRockAwesomesauce

My Online Journal
Reply With Quote
  #335  
Old 08-13-2014, 08:22 PM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 818
Default

My son took me out to breakfast this morning, and the plan was for the two of us to donate blood together this afternoon. I had forgotten, however, that a recent tattoo disqualifies me. Drat. The Red Cross still gave me cookies though, so whoo hoo!

It's been a little over 8 years since my son and I started donating blood together - I took him right after he turned of age to do so. I've actually made sure to involve all of my kiddos, so they see this as a regular, helping activity that all adults do, though we have talked about how not everyone does. Now that I think about it, my youngest could begin donating now, with my permission. I will talk to her about it tonight.
__________________
Unapologetically Poly

Hinge in a poly-fi vee with two mono men
Wife to DarkKnight, Engaged to PunkRockAwesomesauce

My Online Journal
Reply With Quote
  #336  
Old 08-13-2014, 09:42 PM
SlowPoly's Avatar
SlowPoly SlowPoly is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 143
Default

What a great thing to do with your kids! I only recently re-qualified (after removing an ancient deferral for a thing they don't defer for anymore), and here I am pregnant. They got one pint from me in between! Woof donates regularly, and donates platelets even more frequently. I think it's a great way to give. Good on you!!
__________________

SlowPoly vee hinge living between two homes

Mitch ('M') life partner co-parent former LDR
Woof ('W') life partner co-parent former spouse
Reply With Quote
  #337  
Old 08-16-2014, 02:38 AM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 818
Default

PunkRockAwesomesauce has been kinda clingy lately. It's actually sweet. At least, he's been spending lots of his down time talking with me, snuggling me, asking me if I need anything. Tonight he made dinner, since DarkKnight is working a 3 pm to 11 pm shift at work this week.

Yeah, DarkKnight is training someone who works a later shift, so he had to adjust. He will work tomorrow too, but that's bonus overtime. We need the money, so yay! Anyway, now that I think about it, maybe that's why PunkRock has been so attentive - worried that the schedule change might affect me emotionally. It hasn't so far though - DarkKnight works from home, and we've gotten plenty of together time. Still, it'd be just like PunkRock to make sure I'm boosted.

Tomorrow PunkRock & I are taking my daughter and a friend of hers whitewater tubing. It should be fun.

Last night I felt out of sorts because I had plans that didn't work out with DarkKnight. I was at a self-help book club meeting at Wegmans in Frederick and I thought it'd be nice to bring home some Brie and this black cherry topping they sell, to make a bedroom picnic for DarkKnight and I. Unfortunately, they were sold out and the ingredients to make it myself were WAY too expensive. So I went home feeling melancholy about it. Which was stupid, because it would have been a surprise, and so DarkKnight didn't even know I had planned anything. Anyway, it didn't happen and that was a bummer. I did buy him this packaged assortment of different chai flavors though, and that made him smiley.

We saw Guardians of the Galaxy as a family in the afternoon yesterday too, so that made the day great, otherwise. Plus, we've been playing this fun game - HexHex XL - and I hosted teen game club today, and that one went over really well.

Life is good.
__________________
Unapologetically Poly

Hinge in a poly-fi vee with two mono men
Wife to DarkKnight, Engaged to PunkRockAwesomesauce

My Online Journal
Reply With Quote
  #338  
Old 08-16-2014, 12:15 PM
MusicalRose's Avatar
MusicalRose MusicalRose is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 350
Default

OMG HexHex is a ton of fun. I'd look into a game called Love Letter as well. Quick moving and fairly simple, but fun. :-)
__________________
Me: Female, pansexual, polyamorous, relationship anarchist
Reply With Quote
  #339  
Old 08-19-2014, 12:03 PM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 818
Default

Thanks for the recommendation.


Last night I had some unsettling feelings that I need to write about in order to get them sorted out. I mean, I did get them worked through, but it helps for me to have it written down. This is an issue that has been around for me, for a long time.

I feel unhappy whenever one of my partners masturbates. My immediate reaction of hearing that it happened is sadness and disappointment. Because I have such a high sex drive, I see it as a missed opportunity. I think I also feel a bit rejected.

Logically I can extrapolate that it is actually neither of these things - if I wasn't around, then I wasn't rejected! And I can definitely see the appeal of just getting the job done, even if I am around. That's a legitimate thing to want to do.

I guess some of the thoughts I have stem from my own personal distaste for my own solo time - I would rather be with a partner, and having to go it alone makes me feel depressed, even if I have awesome orgasms at the time. I do see it as a sad thing I had to do. It's enjoyable, but even as I am doing it, I feel lonely. So I shift these thoughts over to my partner - poor guy, having to take care of himself all alone!

But it isn't always that! Sometimes guys just want a quick one off, or want to lose themselves in a particular fantasy, whatever. I get that. I do. But my negative feelings surrounding that persist.

I believe some of my negativity is also forward-thinking. If my guy masturbates, then he is less likely to be horny or want to initiate things with me later. What if he rejects my advances later, because he is all worn out from masturbating? These are fears that run through my head when I realize he has masturbated.

I am working on just letting these feelings come and go, and trying not to stress too much over them. It's particularly silly to be having to work on these feelings right now, because neither of my guys have masturbated in the last few days - and I had sex 3 times yesterday. Incredible sex, even! Oh wow, yeah, incredible sex, and all of the sessions were fulfilling and longer lasting. So why is this ridiculousness in my head, bothering me right now?!?

Course, I got my period today. Maybe I am just feeling these thoughts more keenly because of that.

Feh. It's not as if I don't have other things to worry about right now. My Astronomy class starts on Sept 2, but I have a half-hour "pre-class" next Tuesday to prepare for by then. Half of my semester-long curriculum is written, the other half is just outlined. Co-op also starts in two weeks, and I have outlines and ideas, but nothing ready to go. Same with my daughter's 11th grade plan - I have books and ideas but I haven't sat down and really hammered out what this year will look like.

I am also thinking about possibly attending the Loving More poly convention in Philadelphia, next February. Both DarkKnight and PunkRockAwesomesauce have expressed interest, so if we can get it together, we are going to order tickets and reserve our hotel room in November. Financially we are stretched all over the place at the moment - I have to cover the cost of my Invisalign braces out of pocket, and the Astronomy field trips I have planned are not inexpensive. Then there is Christmas to think about in the near future...

My plan of attack for today though is as follows :

Set up a payment plan for my son's college class & then order his textbook from Amazon. (Already registered him and researched the cheapest book.)

Pay the trash bill online.

Shower, shave and make myself look fabulous. Possibly paint my toenails. Probably paint my toenails.

Visit the Locked Door sex shop with PunkRock because we have a numbered ticket in their giveaway promotion this month - we've won something, but we don't know what. (I am hoping it's a gift card so we can buy me a ball gag.)

Lunch date with Punk Rock.

Figure out dinner for tonight and go grocery shopping for that.

Pick up my son from work at 2 pm.

Take my daughter out for a driving lesson. (Will more than likely have her take me to the grocery store & to pick up her brother.)

Sort out my homeschool cabinet and get my 11th grade curriculum need list written, as well as a plan of action for my daughter's schooling this year.

Watch an Astronomy DVD that I got from Netflix last week so I can decide if I'm using it in my class or not.

Fit in a nap, if possible.

Do laundry.

Date night with DarkKnight tonight - maybe take a walk and find some Ingress portals.

Gosh, I am tired writing and reading all of that. Maybe I will nap some now!
__________________
Unapologetically Poly

Hinge in a poly-fi vee with two mono men
Wife to DarkKnight, Engaged to PunkRockAwesomesauce

My Online Journal

Last edited by Bluebird; 08-19-2014 at 12:05 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #340  
Old 08-19-2014, 07:19 PM
maxnsue maxnsue is offline
Inactive
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 63
Default

The more I read, the more I am made aware of how difficult this is for many people. I have always lived my life avoiding drama. I never let someone else control my emotions, except my wife and girlfriend and even then, only to a certain point right before it became manipulation. I have only had bisexual girlfriends and was engaged to two of the three, marrying the third. My sex drive is much higher than my wife's plus I am into BDSM and she is not. We saw how open relationships destroyed our friend's marriage. Lets face it, we form emotional bonds with our sex partners and we tend to only share the fun times with them. They never nag us to do things and we usually see them on their best behavior. It is easy to fall in love with someone else. Just look at the divorce rate of those who try to be monogamous so imagine how much more dangerous it is in a poly relationship where both partners are not equally in love with the third person.

My wife recognized my need for more and different sex, so she set me up with her dominant best friend and then joined in. We were together for 38 years. We never had sex or dated anyone alone. It was always my wife and I together. We wife swapped in the same room but we mostly just put on a show for each other and could not wait to get home to have sex. Funny how neither of us can remember if we even had orgasms. I know we were bad at it as we hated it and were never invited back for a repeat. No matter, all the couples in our local wife swapping group got involved in all sorts of drama and eventually ran off with one of their lovers so we lost touch with them. It was kind of messed up when your friend marries another friend's wife whose husband married our friends wife and then they all have kids from each marriage.

We never had the internet or cable TV in our day so we had no idea of what others were doing outside of the couples we knew. We blissfully lived in the dark making our monogamous triad work for us without a single problem, insecurity or jealously. I could do anything with either my wife or girlfriend without either getting jealous.

However, when we were not able to be together anymore, I fell into a depression and am just coming off of treatment. When you live 38 years of a 45 year married with a third, living as a couple again was a hard thing to adjust too for both me and my wife.

Last edited by maxnsue; 08-19-2014 at 07:42 PM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:53 PM.