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  #281  
Old 06-06-2014, 12:34 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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You might get some ideas and insights from reading Phy's blog. She lives with her husband Sward and boyfriend Lin in Germany. Each of her guys has his own room, and she alternates nights staying with them. Maybe do a search in her thread for the words "room" or "sleep" to find the most relevant posts.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #282  
Old 06-06-2014, 12:40 AM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
You might get some ideas and insights from reading Phy's blog. She lives with her husband Sward and boyfriend Lin in Germany. Each of her guys has his own room, and she alternates nights staying with them. Maybe do a search in her thread for the words "room" or "sleep" to find the most relevant posts.
I was thinking that it would make sense for the guys to sleep in their rooms, too. Then you, Bluebird, could choose which room to sleep in based on day/timing/feelings/whatever. Then you wouldn't be "banishing" anyone from your room if plans changed, you just wouldn't be joining him in his room that night.
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  #283  
Old 06-06-2014, 02:21 AM
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I was thinking that it would make sense for the guys to sleep in their rooms, too. Then you, Bluebird, could choose which room to sleep in based on day/timing/feelings/whatever. Then you wouldn't be "banishing" anyone from your room if plans changed, you just wouldn't be joining him in his room that night.
Well, I have a King bed, both the guys have smaller ones. And my master suite is at the end of the hall, whereas their bedrooms share a wall. I am hesitant to be intimate with the other guy on the other side of the wall! Though, now that I think about it, I am not sure why - they can hear me downstairs, a floor away. I uh, have a tendency to be exuberant.

nycindie - I was trying to alternate nights, but with PunkRock's work schedule, he gets home late. And that's what I was attempting to do, to be "fair," but my emotions just aren't trained to work like that. I am trying though. I suppose it hasn't been long enough, but so far it was a big fail.

When PunkRock came home tonight, he had a big bouquet of flowers for me! (Yeah, awesomesauce, for sure!) He had no idea how I had been feeling, yet boom - he lifted me right up. We talked about how conflicted I was, and his response was pretty much what DarkKnight had said. I think this is me worrying and overthinking things. No one is upset or anxious - just me. And I am anxious on their behalf. I guess I just need to chill a bit and see how things go. PunkRock reminded me that this is all new to all of us - I've never lived with two lovers, my previous poly experiences have just been gentleman callers, as it were. So neither he not Dan are apt to be upset with me - if they are concerned about something, they will speak up and bring it to my attention.

I will definitely check out that blog, thank you!
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  #284  
Old 06-06-2014, 02:48 PM
WhatToDo WhatToDo is offline
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I'm going to third the each of them having their own rooms and you being the one to do the bed hoping. I think sharing for a guy is hard enough but when you add in the fact that they're sharing you in one bed essentially probably makes it harder.
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  #285  
Old 06-07-2014, 02:59 PM
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Both PunkRockAwesomesauce and I are at the game store today. On the way over, we had a conversation about how our relationship progressed, which included me whipping out my phone and trying to find the entries I wrote in this journal, back when we first started dating. Unfortunately, I started reading at the end of December.

Ugh. How terribly sad I was because of M! That said, after being brought down emotionally, I then flipped ahead and was brought way, way high. How squee I was upon meeting PunkRock! And he was too!

I was reading from some of my entries, and he started getting happier and happier, saying, "I remember that!" It was a very lovely dovey time of day for me this morning!

That said, I am writing this, sitting next to C3, chatting from time to time with him and then with the ladies sitting across from me at the paint stations. I'm not painting anything today; I'm just hanging out. PunkRock is back assisting a friend in a different part of the store. We are supposed to play in a Zombicide tournament later. Anyway, C3 is strange - at least, talking to him is. I can safely say I have very little attraction toward him now. He's just this guy I know. My heart is with PunkRock, for sure.
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  #286  
Old 06-08-2014, 12:06 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Originally Posted by Bluebird View Post
...
Can I do that? I don't know if I like having this power, as a hinge. To have to decide this sort of thing and potentially hurt one of my guys is intimidating and it is hurting me. I guess they ARE grown and should be able to articulate their own feelings. Lol Sigh.

How do other co habitating couples handle this?
It really depends on the people involved and what everyone's sleep schedules are like.

I think that Phy has a schedule - each of her partner's has their own room and she switches nights. LovingRadiance's partners have their own rooms and she has some sort of schedule based on work/school schedules.

For us, we only have one bedroom, with a king-size bed. I'm the only one with a schedule and I always sleep in the middle of the bed. Anyone who is inclined to can join me. If it's too crowded/hot/loud(snoring) then one of the boys sleeps on the couch - up to them. I'm fine with sleeping with 0 to 3 (when Lotus or VV is over) other people in the bed.

For me, sleep time does not necessarily equate with sex time. If someone has a desire for private cuddle/sex time we just ask for it - if the bedroom is not in use by a sleeping person it can happen there...if someone is using the bed for sleep then we have alternate locations.

JaneQ

Oops...didn't see the other replies before I posted.

You might enjoy reading these older threads for ideas:
Multi-partner co-habitation
Sleeping Arrangements and Beds
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Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
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Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 06-08-2014 at 12:13 PM.
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  #287  
Old 06-09-2014, 04:22 PM
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I am fairly certain that a group bed would not work for me. Both my guys are crazy loud snoring heat generators and sometimes just one of them annoys me! Also, I steal covers AND wake up multiple times for bathroom breaks in the middle of the night. That said, I love the idea of a group bed - being hugged on and snuggled by the two people I love most in the world, oh hell yes! And yes, for me, sleep time does usually equate to sex time. Since both my guys are straight and not interested in group sex with me, that's another reason why a group bed is not really feasible.

The fact that sleep time does usually mean sex time - that is another reason why sleeping with PunkRock is awesomesauce for me. Our libidos are more evenly matched, and 9 times out of 10 he is willing and able before sleeping. With DarkKnight, 2 times out of 10 I'll get laid.

I do believe that everyone is really good at asking for private cuddle time/sex during the day. I am very vocal about getting those needs met. I have anxious attachment issues, so I am always needing hugs and assurance. This isn't a problem for my guys.

Thank you, JaneQ for the links. Definitely something to think about. Both DarkKnight and PunkRock have been willing to discuss this lately when I bring it up. I still don't feel closer to a solution, but I do feel more calm about things, since both guys have assured me that they don't count up time and compete. Neither of them feel ignored or that they are getting less attention.

Actually, I feel like things are still going really wonderfully.


We have decided to start a 3-person trivia team for the summer session. I play bar trivia a couple of times a week, and the new session starts tonight. Right now we are having fun trying to come up a funny/witty team name. Contenders include Two in the Bush, Complicated Tax Return, and Polyfidelic.
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  #288  
Old 06-10-2014, 07:25 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluebird View Post
We have decided to start a 3-person trivia team for the summer session. I play bar trivia a couple of times a week, and the new session starts tonight. Right now we are having fun trying to come up a funny/witty team name. Contenders include Two in the Bush, Complicated Tax Return, and Polyfidelic.
Oh, it's gotta be "Two in the Bush," without a doubt!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #289  
Old 06-10-2014, 10:41 AM
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Heh. We went with Complicated Tax Return.
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  #290  
Old 06-11-2014, 02:00 AM
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I had a nice date tonight out with DarkKnight. We went out to the Flying Pie Company for some delicious rasta chicken pizza and Krumpe's bread pudding. It was most excellent. Then we drove to the movies, made out in the parking lot and then went in to see Edge of Tomorrow. Both of us had read the book, so we were eager to see the film. Many things were different, but I can say that I enjoyed both versions. It was a sweet date, being able to cuddle with my sweetie in the theater.

PunkRock was working all day, and then had to head over to his brother's house to feed the parrot and check on things. He just messaged me to say he was on the way home, so he will prolly arrive close to midnight. I miss him lots and hope he gets here safe!

Both the water and the power have been turned off since he moved out of there - his brother is still in rehab. Not sure what to do about the situation, but Punk Rock let his dad know the status of the house. Someone else can deal with it, I guess.

We are all set for a mini vacation next week - I am going in on a beach house at Rehoboth with friends. $200 for 3 days/2 nights. Different combinations of friends are staying different nights, so we will all get a few days of fun. It's a 4 hour drive. DarkKnight is working, so PunkRock will be driving us across the Bay bridge. I am so afraid - bridges are something that completely terrify me. I have been having stress dreams since agreeing to go. My youngest daughter (16) wants to learn to surf, so that is the purpose of the trip, as well as the fact that we plan to do some of our Park Quests on the other side of the state this summer. It should be fun, once we arrive, but getting there is the stressful part for me! The sucky part is that PunkRock and I will be on a pullout couch, but meh. The important part is that the townhome we went in on has 3 pools, is close to the beach and is near lots of nightlife. It will be a good time, I am sure.
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