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  #221  
Old 03-12-2014, 05:36 AM
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I can't sleep. I had a bad dream about hosting a dinner party that did not go well. Stupid stress dream. I can't think of anything triggering me to have a stress dream, but well, there it is. I mean, yes there is stress overall right now because of the in-laws and my extended family, but there is no specific event I am worrying about presently. Ugh. Of course, it could be that I am growing used to being awake with PunkRockAwesomesauce at off hours of the night for sexy time. Maybe I will go with that explanation.

I was re-reading some notes I had copied onto my phone back when I was trying to sort out my feelings about my relationship with M, and I thought I would share them here. Basically, a list of questions to go through to evaluate if a relationship is really working or not.I am sure I stole them from someplace on this site:

Do you accept me? Am I OK with you? Do you embrace me, or do you push me away? What is my future with you? Are you a refuge, a safe harbor? Or do I have to worry about being alienated from you?

Yeah, 1:30 am has me mulling these over in regard to both of my guys. Honestly, DarkKnight is never a hesitation in my mind. PunkRockAwesomesauce, right now, these questions fill me full of optimism and excitement. I think these are both very good response types.
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  #222  
Old 03-12-2014, 09:11 PM
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Squeeee! PunkRockAwesomesauce is coming over tonight! NRE is making us both nuts for each other. We've been separated for less than 24 hours, but we are wanting snuggle time. My husband laughed at me when I suggested a sleepover and then he got all teary. He told me it's so wonderful to see me so happy and in love - "I have so much compersion for you!"

I am seriously the luckiest woman alive.
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  #223  
Old 03-12-2014, 09:34 PM
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Been a while since I read your blog, but just wanted to give you and DarkKnight more kudos on how you handled your sister (and his mom - holy moley did you guys just jump out of that airplane or what!). I am absolutely amazed at what some people find acceptable and what they don't.

Glad things are going well with the guys, and happy anniversary to you and DK. Boston is a special city for me and Chops as well, and a great one to make traditions in.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #224  
Old 03-18-2014, 02:31 AM
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Yeah, Boston is great.

Things are pretty terrific here at home too. As always, DarkKnight is my rock and my soulmate. He is pretty close to perfect. He's been growing a beard for a year - a yeard - and he shaved it off this weekend as he'd reached the time mark he needed to accomplish it. Freaked me right out, as I had gone out to a movie with PunkRockAwesomesauce and returned home to a completely different husband. It really shocked me - he looks much, much younger now. I knew he was going to do it, but the reality of it was not as I expected!

PunkRock was here at our house from Wednesday night until this evening. It was a rather long stayover, but one that has continued to foster the growth of our relationship. Wow, is he wonderful. DarkKnight and I carved out some alone time during the visit, and had some pretty powerful connections ourselves - he believes that PunkRock is a million times more serious, more well, awesomesauce, than anyone I have been with or dated, and is encouraging me to trust the relationship and trust my feelings for him.

This week has strengthened all of that, I think. At one point, DarkKnight and I had sex in the spare room, and even though PunkRock didn't overhear it, he had a good idea what was going on and he had a rather confused reaction to it. He told me he felt discounted, and we talked about it. I think I was more emotional than he was, after. I was really worried about him reacting negatively and ending our togetherness. Instead, he gave me a really heartfelt declaration of love and determination to make our relationship work for the long haul. It really brought me closer to believing this all is not some sort of insane, impossible dream of mine.

We talked more about co-habitation. DarkKnight is certainly on board with it. We have two empty bedrooms upstairs - one is the spare room where my husband has been staying whenever I have PunkRockAwesomesauce over, and the other has some seasonal storage and odds and ends in it. PunkRock looked things over, and we discussed more practical things, like his paint desk being located in the basement - so he has more than one private-ish area to retreat to in the house - and costs. Storage and safety of his firearms. Stuff like that. He has some issues at his current house - he lives with and is helping support his brother, so he is struggling with that at the moment. We are in no huge hurry to jump into living together, but we are talking about it. I've been reading a few threads about timing and logistics to get a feel how other poly people do things - hopefully avoid some pitfalls that others have experienced.

Honestly, this is the type of poly I have wanted since the beginning, so it is exciting to think about it happening. Emotionally, I think both PunkRock and myself are ready to do this. DarkKnight is very supportive. I thought he might tell me that we are moving too quickly, but he pointed out that I met him one weekend in Boston, went back to my home in NY, and then 2 weeks later, I was living with him in Houston, TX. We've since been inseparable. I am not one to move slow, he says. lol This is certainly the truth. PunkRock and I are nearing our 2 month mark, which comparatively is slow, I suppose. We will see how things progress. Right now PunkRock says he wants to focus on finding another job, which if he is moving out my direction, he wants to look for ones in my direction. Which sounds like, yeah, it makes sense. Right now he lives 2 hours away, which sucks all sorts of balls.


What else? Right now I am one huge mess of hormones. Apparently my body has decided to cause me to break out in pimples all over the place. My chest is all sorts of ick and I have a huge one on the end of my nose. I swear, it's like I am a teenager! I have some zit cream, but it always causes me to break out into a rash where ever I put it, and then takes forever to make the pimple disappear. So it looks worse than leaving things alone! Anyone have any tips? Besides reading Seventeen magazine, I mean! lol I've been wearing Tshirts instead of the V-necks I prefer, so no one can see the terrible truth about my stress level. At least, that's what I am assuming is going on. I always get a couple the week of my period - which just ended - but this is ridiculous. If things don't disappear quick, I am going to go to the doctor and hopefully get a pill or something. There are that many!
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  #225  
Old 03-18-2014, 12:27 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Moving in together while in the throes of NRE pushes all sorts of buttons for me. I am glad it worked out when you moved in with Darkknight, but you might not get so lucky again. True, it sucks that Punk is 2 hours away, but maybe he could move to your town in a little place of his own for a year or so until your V has a chance to mature some, and NRE calms down... I hear he has a brother to care for, and has only just been aware of you fucking Dark while he's in the house, and has barely dealt with his feelings around that. More emotional and practical needs could also crop up.
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me: Mags, female, pansexual, 60, poly-dating, and loving and living with
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  #226  
Old 03-18-2014, 12:41 PM
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I am so envious of your wonderful relationships!
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  #227  
Old 03-18-2014, 01:25 PM
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Mags, issues with his brother have been building for a while - his brother isn't paying the bills even with PunkRock's assistance, and he hasn't been truthful about a lot of things - he has been taking the money and spending like he doesn't need help. PunkRock went home last night and found that his brother's car might get repo'd and a disconnect notice for the electric. His brother keeps saying that the house is going to be foreclosed on, but PunkRock has been paying rent up to this point - so why isn't the mortgage being paid? They are supposed to talk today. From my point of view, PunkRock seems fairly torn between wanting to help and frustration at the fact that he is enabling his brother's bad spending habits and having to be his support all the time. Kind of like, trying to help someone that won't help themselves.

I am perfectly ok with whatever he decides to do there - that is his relationship to navigate. If he decides to try and assist his brother some more, we have been making this long distance thing work so far, and it is working well. So no worries.

We've talked about PunkRock moving closer, rather than in with us, as well. He does a lot of contract work, and so far all of the business has been halfway between us, so just moving to the south side of Baltimore would shorten the driving distance considerably. However, the people he works with are really dragging their feet it seems on finding the next house to flip, so he is uncertain as to whether he should find another line of work to pursue or wait it out. Moving to my city wouldn't improve his commute to the contract work, but it wouldn't hurt it either. He'd be the same distance away, but not have to pay tunnel or bridge tolls anymore. So I guess that is a positive.

So yeah, he has some choices to make. He can cool his heels where he is for a while, in his current situation, if need be. I don't feel like there is any major pressure on him to quick drop everything and move in with us, or out on his own. We are both excited at the idea of his moving in here, but none of it is set in stone yet. He needs to do some lifework planning, I think.

In the meantime, I need to clean out that room anyway. I had it on my radar for spring cleaning and it will commence soon. The only thing is, it is in a series of cleanups. We have a shed out back which is empty. Well, almost empty - our lawnmower is in it. There is a hole in the roof that has been there for a while, and it just has a tarp covering it. PunkRock plans to fix this for us this week or weekend - whenever he comes over next. After this is done, a bunch of the extra furniture I have stored in one half of my two car garage can be moved out to the shed, which will make that space accessible.

Accessibility in the garage is important, because there is a loft area above that has a pull-down ladder, that can't currently be pulled down due to all the furniture underneath. I need this loft space, which is currently empty, to relocate all of my seasonal decorations to, from the walk-in closet where PunkRock would be, if/when he moves in with us.

Does that follow? lol

He also rents a storage area right now, that he needs to sort through and decide what he wants to sell and keep, and that needs to be done prior to any move.

That's all practical, more than emotional stuff though. PunkRock has some hearing loss, so I think overhearing sexual activities may actually turn out to be less of an issue than we expected. I was really shocked when he told me he didn't hear anything the other day. One of the things I really pressed for when we were talking about him moving in, was that he not only has a private bedroom to retreat to, but has a space in the basement as well. That way, if he does hear anything, or is aware of something he'd rather not be privy to, he will have another location within the house far removed from it. My husband's office is in the basement, in a separate room, and I think that PunkRock needs another space as well. Unfortunately, all we can offer at this time is a corner of the basement, but it is large enough to fit his painting desk there, rather than having that take up some of his bedroom space.

I have all of this super happy excited feeling built up around PunkRockAwesomesauce, and all of it feels like NRE giddiness. I recognize that and love it and enjoy the squee. But there is also this part of me that is centered and breathing and calm and all of it says, this is what you have been wanting, this is what you have been waiting for and it is really happening. Just this peacefulness. It's all pretty great.
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  #228  
Old 03-20-2014, 11:45 AM
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PunkRockAwesomesauce was having some stress on Tuesday, so he came over later on in the evening for some snuggles. He spent more time talking to me than he ever had before - letting out all of his concerns and worries. It was nice to be needed. I think just listening really helped him. At least, I hope it did!

We discussed more about him moving in, and we are going to move forward with the idea, but it is still a couple of months out.

I got a text yesterday about his brother - PunkRock let him know he is planning on moving out. I didn't get many details, just that it went well. PunkRock is coming over this evening so I will hear it all then.

DarkKnight stayed up late last night while I was out at trivia, so I could come home to his open arms and be held. Usually he is snoring away when I get back from a night out with my friends, but he wanted to hug me and hold me and that was awesome. He is very much a hands-off type of guy when sleeping - he rolls over on his stomach and doesn't like to be touched. So it was great that he took time to not only stay up past his regular bedtime to see me, but to wrap himself around me and give me the touch I always crave. He wasn't horny, he just wanted to show me his support and love.

I am really tired - yesterday was pretty crazy for me. I hosted a teen book club at my house with minimal planning ahead of time, which turned into a Zombicide game which lasted an hour over what was planned for the book club. Then I had to grade chemistry quizzes. After that, I was done and took a nap until it was time to meet my friends. Today is pretty busy too - I am taking my daughter for her first driving lesson and then I teach two classes at co-op in the afternoon, before heading back to my house to teach two labs to my chemistry kids. Then, PunkRockAwesomesace will be here! I am excited to see him.

I need sleep! Probably won't get much though - PunkRock and I are still tearing each other's clothes off all night long.
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  #229  
Old 03-23-2014, 09:48 PM
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Love love love love! So in love with two totally amazing men. I have never been happier. Spent the morning with DarkKnight yesterday, had a good lunch date and then we were at the game store together to have a look around for the biannual Bizarre Bazaar, which is like a giant flea market. Then he handed me off to spend the rest of the day with PunkRockAwesomesauce, who was selling a bunch of stuff at a table.

I sold the one thing I brought - the Star Wars automobile sunshade that M bought me for Christmas. It didn't fit my van and had been emanating bad juju for months. The guy that bought it was jazzed, so it went to a good home.

C3 was at the sales event and spent some time sitting and talking with me about trivial things. I noticed him staring at me all during the day when he wasn't talking to me. PunkRock said he noticed that too, and that he thought C3 looked sad? I dunno about that, but I did introduce DarkKnight to C3 and they had a brief convo about beards. Lol C3 still makes me a bit nuts. I still find him attractive for all the reasons I originally got buzzed over him and those feelings are there still. However, I have zero desire to act them at all. I can enjoy his attention and conversation, but it is a little draining emotionally because it's sort of a disappointment for me. I mean, I am in SUCH a happy place and he is single and depressed and anxious as always. He needs to find someone.

PunkRock and I had totally amazing, mind blowing sex all morning today, beginning around 2 am. I just can never get enough of this man. Just crazy. Every day spent together is just, just amazing. Then I was feeling emotional this afternoon and he responded with a teary declaration of long lasting love and support - oh he melts my heart!

We are back at my house right now preparing to go on vacation. Tomorrow my daughter, PunkRock and I are headed for Great Wolf Lodge for a much needed break. My hubby really wanted to go but his vacation days are limited. I can't wait to hit the water slides and then snuggle my butt off with my sweetie! We are meeting a bunch if friends and their families there, so more than likely, my daughter will be staying overnight all week with her own posse, so PunkRock and I will have an entire 8 person suite to ourselves!
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  #230  
Old 03-28-2014, 01:35 AM
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Well I am back from vacation now - PunkRockAwesomesauce and I took my daughter to Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg, VA for a few days. We got in on a group rate with a bunch of my homeschooling friends, so an 8 person suite cost us $129 a night. The best part was that my daughter stayed overnight with her friends every night, so PunkRock and I got lots of fun time in together.

I am going to try and post a couple of pictures in my photo album.

On the drive home, I had no pants almost the entire time. That was super fun! (My daughter went back home with a friend!)

DarkKnight went out with me to dinner tonight with PunkRock, and we went through a "cohabitation questionnaire" together. I think it was somewhat helpful but my main concern is how PunkRock will handle hearing DarkKnight and I be intimate.

When we returned home after eating, PunkRock took down the dimensions of the room and drew up a plan. He has mad skills! Anyway, I will be seeing him again on Sunday to help him move over some stuff from his storage area. The room isn't ready for anyone to live in yet, as I still have all my seasonal Christmas crap stored in the closet, but he needs to empty his storage this week to avoid paying another month's worth of fees. So we are doing that. The plan right now is to have him move in by June 1. I think that will give us enough time to work out any other issues that we might see.

So far so good. I love this man so much!
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