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  #151  
Old 12-27-2013, 10:00 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I am surprised that a system has not been worked out with M and when you will see him. He keeps reneging on agreed dates and does not offer a rain check at the bare minimum? You can only repeat something so many times before it borders on redundancy. You have told him what you need, and he is unable or not willing to meet your need for physical interaction or however you termed it. His words are not mirroring his actions, and you deserve better than that. I understand that you love him, but are you really getting what you need or even believe that you deserve from the relationship?
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  #152  
Old 12-27-2013, 10:49 PM
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I know, I know. It's killing me. It really is.

M messaged me yesterday and we are spending time together Monday. I am not sure how that will go.

Actually, C3 messaged with me a bunch the other day, and he was very sweet. (I am operating from the standpoint that he is still just wanting to be friends, though he has been liking just about every single status I put up on Facebook and talking with me lots.) He asked me when I would be available next week, and I told him Monday. He had posted some pics from his Christmas trip and I saw a board game that I had been dying to play (Betrayal at the House on the Hill) and I remarked on that, and he set up an event on Monday, once I had let him know my availability, so that we would have enough people to play it while I was there. He invited M. When M and I were talking yesterday, I told him I had intended on going, since it had been set up with me in mind, and that C3 was going to assist with my army creation. Also that I was still planning on attending the tournament next Saturday. I also told him that I did NOT want the next time we saw each other to be at the game store, and that I would stay away if that was the only time he was going to give me next week. Honestly, I would not be able to concentrate on WarMa if he was avoiding contact with me.

This made him tell me that he would skip both events then, because it seemed like I was trying to pin him down to visiting this weekend, which he had already said he was not willing to do. I told him that since the event was starting at noon on Monday, we could see each other prior and that would be fine.

I don't really know if that will be fine. I am happy I know when I will see him again, yes. However, I am still very unsettled since I have zero clue why he is suddenly so strange and distant and weird. I don't feel like I trust him. I don't feel like he is a safe harbor for me. I feel uncertain and very, very confused.

What discussion we did have yesterday was not very effective, in my opinion. He said he loved me, he thought we were great together when we were together, but he wasn't happy how things are when we are apart. He said he was actually relieved when he thought he wouldn't have to see me for two weeks.

I had no idea what the fuck to say to that, since it seems awfully contradictory to me.

So who knows. I also have no clue if Monday is supposed to be an overnight or not. He was evasive in that he didn't mention that, even though I had. I didn't press him. I didn't message him at all today, and he didn't message me either. Well, actually, I did just send him a message, but that was in regards to homeschooling. Usually I would have messaged him a good morning and we would have exchanged our plans for the day and then maybe reconnected in the afternoon. Instead, nothing. It made me really sad.

A messaged me bunches again, and he is now in Florida for his holiday. He said he is looking forward to coming back and seeing me, and shared some difficulties he had within his polycule over the holidays. Tis the season, I suppose.

Oh! And last night I played trivia with the guy who I had been teamed up with as a 2-pack a few weeks back in a tournament. I thought he was kinda sketchy asking me out, since we had talked a lot about poly and he told me his wife would never go for it. But, I figured I would give him the benefit of the doubt and just take it as he was trying to be friends. Well, an hour before I had to leave to meet him, he messaged me to say the rest of his team couldn't make it. Riiiiiiight. Lucky me, my friends are all trivia whores and most of them could come. So, I helped him out by coming with 3 friends. He was very appropriate and friendly the entire time. We didn't win, but had fun regardless. He gave me a hug goodbye. My friends thought he was loud and that he had drunk a lot and that he was not very helpful. lol All of these were true. I was glad I have such great friends that I could count on to have my back.
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  #153  
Old 12-27-2013, 10:59 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Quote:
He said he was actually relieved when he thought he wouldn't have to see me for two weeks.
Wow... I would have dumped him right there.

Honey a man who is in love with you would not be happy about not seeing you for two weeks.

Murf and I have been together as a couple for almost two years. He can not handle not seeing me for 4 days. Neither can I and we are out of the honeymoon stage for the most part. For example today I have sick grumpy Murf. He has a stomach bug both him and my youngest picked up from his nephew.

A real boyfriend would have your back and best interest at heart when things get rough. Not totally lay the blame in your lap.
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Last edited by Dagferi; 12-27-2013 at 11:03 PM.
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  #154  
Old 12-28-2013, 12:21 AM
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Yeah, we just broke up. He dumped me. It was as good of a breakup as anyone could want I suppose.

He said he ultimately can't deal with the fact that I slept with B so quickly and unprotected, and that trust was broken. I told him I thought he couldn't deal with me dating other people, period. He said that could be true, but it wouldn't be something that would be fair to say.

He had a date set up for tonight with someone. That was how the conversation started. I told him I was happy for him - and I am - because not getting responses on OKC was such a huge source of stress for him. I am glad that he was able to get a jolt of self esteem, because he needed it. I also told him though, that I thought it was terrible timing, because he was already failing at making me feel valued and loved and I wasn't getting what I needed. So, how would adding another person into the mix be a good idea?

I was just like, ugh. He then called me to break up. We had a good, honest conversation. He just isn't poly, I don't think. At least, not good poly. Couple privilege was rife in his household, in his relationship with me. He was jealous with me dating others. His anxiety couldn't handle it. I definitely fucked up by having sex with B. I realized that right away, and was up front about it, and I am getting tested next week. Nothing I can do about that but move forward.

My friends have been very supportive - I have such great friends!
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  #155  
Old 12-28-2013, 12:48 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Sorry bluebird...
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  #156  
Old 12-28-2013, 02:30 AM
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Thanks. I am waffling back and forth tonight between being teary and being relieved that there is an end to having to handle bullshit.

Though, I am really going to miss the sex with him. Without a doubt, the best ever.

I learned a lot about what I don't want in a boyfriend, and what wrong poly practices look like. Both from my end - and definitely from his.

My husband had been cautioning me that this relationship was not going to give me what I was searching for, from the first time M made me feel less than important. People here did too. It's true. I should have been more caring about my emotional health. But, I loved him and apparently that made me stupid. I still love him, of course. I can't shut my emotions off like a switch. He is very wonderful, in many, many ways.

"You take that love you made, and stick it into someone else's heart, pumping someone else's blood. And walking arm in arm, you hope it don't get harmed, but even if it does, you just do it all again..."
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  #157  
Old 12-28-2013, 02:55 AM
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And C3 canceled not only
Monday, but Saturday's tournament - I shit you not - like 2 minutes after I told him M and I broke up. He didn't respond to my messages after that. He is an anxiety-ridden guy, so it could have had a lot
To do with this, or absolutely nothing at all to do with this, but it looks awfully coincidental. If it is, wow. Definitely someone else I should avoid, I think. But damn, I really thought we were going to be ok as just friends. We had been talking a lot recently. Gah!
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  #158  
Old 12-28-2013, 02:10 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Sorry to hear how things are going for you right now. (hugs)
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  #159  
Old 12-28-2013, 02:18 PM
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Things are actually ok. I am sad, but the crying jag I thought I would have last night never materialized. I had a one hour phone conversation with my best friend and it was super uplifting and positive and it built me up. I slept like the dead last night.

I woke up to 35 new visits to my profile on OKC and several new messages. So that was great too. Actually, I found a 96% match on my own and I messaged that guy. Super hot and smart, great job and clever. It was kinda spooky - a lot of our explanations on the questions were word-for-word the same! So, yeah. Had to message that guy.

D has been super supportive. I think he is happy that he won't have to deal with my emotions being all over the place because of M. I seriously had never felt so confused and vulnerable in my entire life. Not allowing someone to treat me like an option again!
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  #160  
Old 12-28-2013, 03:01 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I'm sorry about M, but you deserve better. And it's great the sex was wonderful, but lots of men are good in bed. Dealing with a lover with stupid couple privilege sucks.

Best wishes in the new year!
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