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  #101  
Old 10-31-2013, 11:32 AM
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Well, M and I played trivia last night with C2 and his friend, plus the new girl I really liked talking to the other day. We did great but lost in the final round and ended up third. M didn't like the two guys at all and felt as if all of his answers were being discounted, even though they ended up being correct. He also thought that the girl was really nice, but that the guys shut her down as well. I can't say that isn't the case.

C2 was really quiet and didn't say much, and neither did his friend. It was odd. M said it was as if neither had any personalities. I figure maybe they just don't do well meeting new people.

However, I think I dodged a major douchebag tonight. When the girl arrived - let's call her A - she was really friendly and talkative. I asked her if she had ever dated C2, and she told me no, after pausing for a second. After the game was over though, and the guys had gotten up to leave, she leaned over and told me that he was a FWB, or had been. She started to dish out some more, but then the other guy came back, so M immediately suggested we go to the bathroom, which we did.

A told me that she had asked C2 out back in May/June, they had gone out on a couple dates, slept together a couple of times, and then he messaged her online and said he didn't think they would work out long term. That they had fallen into bed too fast and that he wanted to protect her reputation. So, they shouldn't date in public anymore. And he didn't want their teammate to know. She said she thought this was very hurtful, but agreed, because what else could she do?

She said he continued to message her whenever he wanted a hookup, but would never acknowledge their relationship anyplace else. She said she eventually stopped sleeping with him a month or so ago.

Ick.

I told her everything that was said on IM between us, and how he had told me he had been single for a year. She teared up at that. Ugh. I told her she deserved WAY better than someone who would treat her so dismissively.

So, yeah. No jerkasaurus for me.

A messaged me tonight to say she told C2 that I now knew about them, so he wouldn't put his foot in his mouth. I just responded that she deserved someone that didn't think she was disposable, and that she wasn't disposable. I don't care, really, to get involved in their drama, so no more trivia time with them. There are others in the book club I joined, so ?I will probably stay involved with that, but yikes!

Talked with M last night and had discussion about scheduling. I don't know what is going to happen with us. Neither of us want to break up, but things are just looking impossible time-wise. I have plenty of spaces in my schedule, but they don't gel with his. He is going to talk to his wife and we are going to try and work it out. He does have plans to come see me next week while my husband is gone, but nothing definitive. He doesn't think he can stay over except for our regular Wednesday night, and that has me really down. I understand why, but next week is going to be awful for me. I really don't want to sleep alone.
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  #102  
Old 10-31-2013, 11:53 PM
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Whenever I am with M, I have such a firm resolution that we are meant to be together. He says this scheduling stuff will get worked out eventually, and I know he really wants to make it happen. He did say he doesn't see things straightening out until after the holidays. I feel good, like he is being honest with the limitations we are both operating under, though we are both anxious about making it work. He has now said that he understands if I want to find a third, but emotionally, I am not sure if he would really be all that fine with it. He seemed VERY relieved that C2 was a jerkasaurus.

Things would be so much easier if he lived closer. He is just close enough that it stretches both of our resources to see each other.

Next week will be a struggle.
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  #103  
Old 11-02-2013, 06:03 PM
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Today M and I are at a WarMachine Steamroller Tournament. There are an odd number of people, and the computer has chosen me to sit out the second round. I suppose I can't complain because otherwise I wouldn't have any points - I lost the first round. Oh well.

My husband got a call last night and his boss will be staying 2 weeks in CA now. The odds are good that he will be asked to stay a second week as well, but so far he hasn't. I am going to just cry. M told me today he can see me Wednesday and Thursday morning this week. Really? Fucking really? That is the same as every other week! I feel so abandoned and a little angry, too. Yes, hurt. I feel like I am not important, not at all. He says this isn't the case, and he has other things going on, his wife won't let him spend the night, etc.

So, yeah.

C is here and he is flirting again. Enough with the mixed signals dude! He told
Me I could come over and he'd take care of me this week - I would just have to come over! Ha! Wish it was that easy. Wish he wasn't joking. Wish my libido was just fucking normal. Wish I wasn't so destroyed by being alone and feeling alone.

I was introduced to a cute, fun guy today actually. M has been telling me about how awesome this dude is since we started dating. His name is C, so I will call him C3, lol. He has a wiener dog. Win! He is one of those people everyone instantly likes, and I was instantly attracted to him. Bonus that M knows, likes and already approves of him. They aren't close friends, just acquaintances. Still, LDR. Not lookin for that. Sucks.
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  #104  
Old 11-03-2013, 12:45 PM
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On the drive home from the tournament, M messaged C3. He said something like, are you open to polyamory? Bluebird is interested in you, but has fear of rejection. Honestly, I wanted to strangle him! We had been talking about C3, and yeah, I said I was hesitant because I wasn't sure if C3 would be pro-poly or not. Fuck dude!

Anyway, C3 responded that he wasn't poly but would be into me if I were single and that he thought I was awesome, etc. So I told M he was a dork for sending the message, and that I would respond myself later. So I did - because in my mind, the message that M sent was really vague, and I had a feeling it would be interpreted as if M was asking him to swing with us.

So, I messaged him myself (he had added me as a Facebook friend during the tournament) and explained that I wanted to clarify what M had said and then I explained how I was interested in polyfi, etc. we had a good dialogue and he does want to go out sometime. Crazy M being vague!

This still sucks though, because I just dropped my husband off at BWI airport and now I am up in C3's neck of the woods. If he wants to get together today, I kinda need to know before I drive back home an hour and 20 minutes. Ugh. I am chilling at a Starbucks, waiting to see what our plans are. Ugh. I so do not really want an even longer distance relationship! However, he might be able to see me more - I am driving up once a weekish to the game store, and if he were willin to drive my way once a week, that would fill my dance card. I guess only time will tell.

It is really funny because ever since I have been hanging out at the game store, I have heard C3 mentioned - by many people. All of it was positive, and all of it was "you've got to meet him, he's great - he's the nicest guy here!" M has always championed him, but C has as well. Anyway, that was certainly my first impression of him yesterday. I liked him instantly. Not like NRE, but wow, I could really get into hanging out with this guy. I think it would be super easy to fall into those NRE feelings with him too.

But should I? I guess that will rely on him and how our conversations go.

Holy hell I am tired - got home at midnight last night, slept til 2:30, up til 3:30, slept til 4:45 and then got ready to go to the airport. I got me a skinny chai latte at Starbuvks and now I am just waiting for it to do some magic.
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Last edited by Bluebird; 11-03-2013 at 12:47 PM.
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  #105  
Old 11-03-2013, 01:42 PM
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Good luck with seeing M more, and dealing with your h being gone. I hope C3 works out too!

Dating is exhausting! It can take a while to find just the right people who ring your bell and are available enough to fulfill your needs! God knows I had to kiss a lot of frogs before I found Ginger. (You can read my blog to see just how many jerks, a-holes and all around lame dudes I went through.)
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  #106  
Old 11-03-2013, 02:21 PM
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You are right! It is exhausting. The right guys should just be here! What the hell? Lol Hopefully things get sorted out. M is being more forthcoming and I think, more realistic, about how much time he can actually spend with me. He told me yesterday at lunch that he feels inadequate because he isn't meeting my needs as a second. He definitely has that right! I think he was hesitant and a little afraid to think of me with a third at first, but after meeting C2 and seeing how that crashed and burned, he was very proactive and upbeat about C3. It shocked me how he was willing to send a message to try and get us together! I was like, what?! It's all good though.

Dating sure is an adventure! I just trying to get my happy on an even keel.
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  #107  
Old 11-04-2013, 02:30 AM
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Well, after waiting around a little bit, C3 disappeared online, so I drove back and had lunch near where M lives. (It is about an hour and 40 minutes to the game store & airport from my house, and M lives halfway between them.) I messaged M, and he joined me for eats.

We had an emotional conversation - he was really anxious. His wife's long term sorta girlfriend - I don't even know what to call her because it is complicated - came up with a document that showed that he spent more hours with me last week than with his wife. So his wife is upset now. I was just like, seriously? If she is happy with their time together, than why is this an issue? The time we spent at the game store was included, which is crazy, because more than 3/4 of the time, we weren't even together - it was a tournament and we didn't even play each other. And she counted the sleeping with me date night, but not all the nights they slept together. Whatever. I don't think this should be tit for tat or 50/50 or 90/10. Shit, I don't even know what percentage would be fair? I think M just needs to balance his schedule with what our needs are at any given time. I had my regular date day & night, and then yesterday was the tournament. That isn't excessive in my opinion, but since H works during the daytime and they choose to do their own thing in the evenings, I am supposed to have time taken away? It isn't like the time taken away, other than my one overnight a week, could be added to her! She is working! And he would have gone to the tournament without me!

M said that the H's girlfriend was trying to be helpful, but I don't see how that helped anything.

Anyway, other than the anxiousness, lunch ended well. C3 messaged me and asked me to come over to the game store - which I had just driven an hour away from. I wanted to see him though, so I did. C was there, and he was flirty and huggy as always. He made a cryptic comment to me, seemingly about me, about always screwing things up with relationships, and then left to go to the movies with his girlfriend. What? That made me think maybe they had been talking about me, but maybe not.

Anyway, I hung out and watched C3 play a round of WarMachine (Hordes). He was crazy shaky and seemed really nervous, but he talked to me about my husband, saying he had Facebook stalked me a bit. Then we went outside with his dog and talked. We had messaged earlier because he seemed to be having a bit of an emotional morning. Apparently lately he has been having issues because he is obsessed - his word - with this one chick, who is SO perfect for him but has friend zoned him but who is "in the process" or is "very close" to leaving her long term partner. He is determined that they will be together, if only he waits a couple of more weeks. He told me he is suffering from depression and anxiety, and his last few therapy sessions have centered around this girl.

Ugh.

I told him that the therapy and anxiety stuff isn't an issue with me - M has all of that and more. However, the chick is a problem. I really don't want to have deal with that kind of issue. I told him that he needed to focus on someone else - meaning me - and he said there was another girl that sort of liked him but she was really young for him. (He is the same age as me - 36.) he then focused on me and started asking me questions about poly, and my current relationships.

He told me that he was really clingy and codependent in relationships, so he didn't think poly would work well for him. I said I didn't really think that would be an issue, since I was really only seeing M once a week. Also, yeah, I am touch-centered and so that wasn't a problem for me. (When I told M later this comment - that C3 said he was clingy - M burst into laughter. He thought that was the funniest thing he had ever heard, because yeah, Perfect for me.)

Anyway, it was cold out, so I asked him if he wanted to sit in my van to talk, but he said no, that he wanted to play more game because it helped him get calm. So we went back inside, but we sat around with a couple other players and talked about our lives, our colleges and education, and about me homeschooling until the place was about to close. During the conversation, C3 was involved, but he would often walk away and then come right back. Agitated, maybe, but he wasn't looking like he was - he was interested and upbeat in the conversation.

I asked the group if anyone wanted to go to dinner, but he said no because he had his dog, and everyone else was headed home to spouses and such. We walked out together, and he asked if I would be there any other day than Friday night. (I have to pick up my husband at the airport at 11 on Friday.) he said that he would be there Saturday. I said prolly not Saturday, since that would be my husband's first day back, if he comes home as planned. He said Friday night he is hosting his work department's happy hour, so he hadn't planned on coming over to the store, but if I was there, he maybe could come by after, depending on how late it was.

So it ended well, anyway.

What the fuck is it with me and guys with anxiety issues? I seem to be swimming in them.

I do like C3, but right now he seems like an awful lot of work for a long distance relationship.

I saw M after I left the store, because C3 gave me some stuff to deliver to him (M asked me to bring it over). M climbed into my van and we talked. M said he hoped I would hang in there with C3, and just see where the friendship goes. That was pretty much what I was going to do anyway. I am not going to pursue or pressure toward a romantic relationship when he is clearly fixated on a girl that will never be his. He needs to clear that up first. I mean, I'd be ok being poly with her as a metamour, but his mind is in no shape to handle that at the moment. Anyhoo, he gave me several mixed statements and cues about poly.

He did put everything down to give me a hug goodbye.

Sigh. Arrrrrrgh!
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  #108  
Old 11-04-2013, 03:11 AM
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Bluebird, I am just going to wish you luck. I am still trying to get over the fact that someone had so much free time that they created a document with time spent. Obviously his wife has more issues with your relationship with her husband than she is letting on. A document, though? Did she prompt the girlfriend to do it? She had to at least give her the information, which means she is keeping tabs on how much time you spend with him. They need to work on their shit and quit bringing people in to their madness. That is some crazy stuff.
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  #109  
Old 11-04-2013, 03:14 AM
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Maybe his wife and girlfriend are pushing for a triad.

But who the heck makes a spread sheet about a metamour?
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  #110  
Old 11-04-2013, 03:19 AM
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Someone with too much time on their hands? That tit-for-tat is some BS, and it has to be indirectly coming from his wife. Bluebird, are they in counselling?

I think her real "need" is for you not to be around or with her husband. And she is poly, too? It seems like a bunch of double standards.
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