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  #1  
Old 09-13-2013, 08:52 AM
Renivier Renivier is offline
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Default Feeling disgust towards my SO

At the other night my SO came home after having sex with his FB. I was home (this was unusual; usually I have been out or sleeping). SO went to shower but didn’t wash his teeth before I asked him to. He forgot. Oops!

I was furious.

How can you forget something like that? Two things that shouldn’t even be something to agree on, you should do them out of common courtesy towards me; shower and wash your teeth when you come home after having sex with your FB. (Sex inc. kissing and giving oral sex.)

(Actually, I have realized that I have to spell these things out to him because I feel that he lacks the ability and/or willingness to be polite towards me, so I have told him that it is important that he showers and washes his teeth afterwards. He knew this.)

I was (still am) disgusted.
How many times has he forgotten to wash his teeth before?
What about those evenings we had sex at the same day he had met with his FB. Did he wash his teeth afterwards or kiss and give oral to another and after that did the same to me?

Of course he says that he has always washed his teeth before, this was just an exception.
At the moment all I can think of is “
if I hadn’t been home, he wouldn’t have done that at all. Usually I haven’t been at home or I have been sleeping. How many times did he forget before?”

At the moment I am so disgusted that I don’t want him to kiss me or even come very close.
I feel disappointed and neglected.

How should I bond with him after his night out when I feel disgusted by him?
How should I overcome this? (When all I can think of is the other woman’s fluids in my mouth and my SO’s indifference towards this?)


*Sorry for my grammar, non-native English-speaker here. I ‘ve been reading the forum for a while but been really shy to write myself..
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  #2  
Old 09-13-2013, 12:26 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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I'm not sure what to tell you because there has been times when Seven and I were together that after he would have been with Lamian (or when he was still dating Peaseblossum) that if he saw me after they had sex he would come over to me and spend a decent amount of time kissing me and cuddling.

While I understand that you are hurt that he didn't due what you had agreed to, it sounds like you are going overboard with it. Not trusting he's ever done it, not wanting him anywhere near you. Why does this rule exist? Because the idea of having that intimacy without a space between squicks you out or because you want to try and limit his actions?

Also, if you aren't home, why does it matter if he showers/brushes his teeth afterwards as long as it's done before you see him?
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Old 09-13-2013, 12:42 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I guess we all have different standards of "cleanliness" in this area. My gf, bf and I have no rules about showering or teeth brushing after being with someone else. But then I have had sex 3somes with both of them at once. I have also gone directly from shagging my bf to kissing and sexing up my gf after bf passes out. She likes my bf and is not grossed out by his saliva or the idea his sweat or cum has recently been in my mouth.

I guess if my bf was with a NEW partner and gave her oral sex, I'd not want to kiss him immediately afterwards, til he at least washed his face/beard. Unless she was hot. Then I'd want to be in there eating her out along with him in a threesome!

As far as the interior of his mouth being clean, saliva or a drink of water would be enough cleansing for me. Up to him if he wants to brush his teeth or use some mouthwash.

You seem to have different standards than your bf. You can accept this or continue to be disgusted, or work hard at training him to do things your way...
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Old 09-13-2013, 01:02 PM
Renivier Renivier is offline
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Thanks. I knew I’d get some perspective from you.

I know I am little overboard with it. This happened only two nights ago and I know time will heal me. It’s just. I feel like I have been disappointed so many times, I don’t understand why it is so hard for him to be polite and respect my feelings? Even though I have told him what I expect from him (and he strongly agrees and wants me to shower and brush my teeth when I come home from a date).

I don’t try to limit his actions; he is free to do what ever he wants with his FB. What freaks me out here is that I thought we were on the same page about “cleanliness” and still – oops, how easy it is to forget.


Unfortunately I really can’t find other woman’s body fluids as a turn on, quite the opposite.
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Old 09-13-2013, 01:08 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Renivier View Post
At the moment I am so disgusted that I don’t want him to kiss me or even come very close.
Everyone has their own standard when it comes to cleanliness. Since you are freaked out about his not brushing his teeth after being with a lover when he's not even with you... this tells me that there is an irrational element.

I don't particularly want to make out with a girl who has been sucking someone elses dick. If I knew that were the case I might stop any affection and say "Do me a favor and go brush your teeth. I don't want CVs baby badder in my mouth"

What I wouldn't do is shut down and cease to be able to look at her for days after the dreaded tooth brush incident. That is something a bit more deeply rooted which I personally would want to seek therapy to figure out.
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Old 09-13-2013, 01:11 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
Everyone has their own standard when it comes to cleanliness. Since you are freaked out about his not brushing his teeth after being with a lover when he's not even with you... this tells me that there is an irrational element.

I don't particularly want to make out with a girl who has been sucking someone elses dick. If I knew that were the case I might stop any affection and say "Do me a favor and go brush your teeth. I don't want CVs baby badder in my mouth"

What I wouldn't do is shut down and cease to be able to look at her for days after the dreaded tooth brush incident. That is something a bit more deeply rooted which I personally would want to seek therapy to figure out.
I agree with Marcus...I feel like you might be over reacting a touch. When I come home from Nudge's house J may pauise and say "did you brush your teeth?" and if i havent i make a quick trip to the bathroom before we kiss. Because I know how he feels about this, I always try to use mouthwash before I leave Nudge's house. With Nudge, I honestly dont think about what hes been doing before I arrived...though if i know he was with wife for an extended period I may ask if he;s showered, but im pretty sure we all shower between partners as common courtesy.
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Old 09-13-2013, 01:19 PM
Renivier Renivier is offline
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Default Judge enballyo

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
Everyone has their own standard when it comes to cleanliness. Since you are freaked out about his not brushing his teeth after being with a lover when he's not even with you... this tells me that there is an irrational element.
You are a perceptive reader. You are right, there has been some trust issues too and they are also the reason why I am overreacting. Working hard on them.
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Old 09-13-2013, 02:53 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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I always ask N if he washed his face when he gets home. The last thing I want is to.give him a kiss and and smell some other chicks pussy, Yuck!
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Old 09-13-2013, 02:55 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
I always ask N if he washed his face when he gets home. The last thing I want is to.give him a kiss and and smell some other chicks pussy, Yuck!
lmao IYE, i didnt think about this stuff much before but now you guys are going to have me sniffing Nudge
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Old 09-13-2013, 03:28 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Well, what is important to you here? That he does it or when he does it or how he does it?

For instance...
  • That he brushes his teeth/showers before interacting with you? (That he DOES it. Period.)
  • That he brushes his teeth/showers immediately after being with other lover as soon as he gets home. (WHEN he does it.)
  • That he brushes/showers without reminding from you? (HOW he does it.)
  • A combo of the above?

If this is your want/need, how willing are you to help him help meet it so you get what you want/need?
  • Are you willing to remind orally? Another way -- with a note on the bathroom mirror?
  • Or not willing to remind in any method?

Quote:
It’s just. I feel like I have been disappointed so many times, I don’t understand why it is so hard for him to be polite and respect my feelings?
Then you seem like you are disappointed in his lack of follow through.

The shower/teeth thing seems to be the surface layer. The core thing bothering you seems to be that he doesn't follow through on promises.

Could expect him NOT to follow through then if this is his habit and just stick to reminding him.
  • That could solve your "disappointed" --could take it off the table so you aren't disappointed again.
  • You are also getting the cleanliness you DO want.

Win for you twice! That could work if it is just this one area where his follow through is weak and he needs help to remember.

But if his lack of follow through is all over the map... maybe you want to have a serious conversation about that? Then decide what you are willing to live with for sake of harmony and what's just intolerable because chronic lack of follow through all over the map erodes him being a person of his word and your ability to trust in his word.

Be hard to live / be with a guy who is not a person of his word, forgets to pay bills, lock the front door, take out the trash, leaves the water running, etc. There's a difference between forgetting once in a while and being outright careless.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-13-2013 at 06:56 PM.
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