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  #11  
Old 07-27-2009, 07:35 AM
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hm. I hate to put a damper on this, but do the kids really know you? sure it's one thing to be there for a holiday, but to actually tal about who will take the garbage out and who took my favorite mug is another. It is a totally different thing living with people than being on holiday.

Don't get me wrong, I am really rooting for you, I'm just a tad concerned sometimes with a seemingly "pie in the sky" approach to this big life changing situation...

call me cautious, but I just have seen this before and would hate to know you were all barreling forward without having said anything. I do hope that you can appease my nervousness about this so that I too can say "yay!"

Not feeling it at the moment in any of your posts or your partners.
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  #12  
Old 07-28-2009, 02:31 AM
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Yes, the kids really Know her. When AL was here. She lived in our house... Seens our daily routines and habbits. They were also very responsive to Al when disciplined/spoken too By her. And Have always responded positively. She has been on the other side of the phone line and the screen ( webcam) .. They often interact with her and talk on the phone. Having seen Her interact with the I know that they are comfortable with her. And I am comfortable with her parenting them.And they respect her as an Adult.

And we have Actually had discussion beyond the " Oh yay! I love you, come live with us" lines. We Know this is life changing. I wouldnt be putting my children in this situation if I hadn't given it ALOT of thought. We wouldn't be making these kind of life changing decisions without deep thought to the reality of it.
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Last edited by Sunshinegrl; 07-28-2009 at 02:46 AM.
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  #13  
Old 07-28-2009, 02:57 AM
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Sunshine and I have just been talking about this after reading your post... I've known the girls for quite a while, nearly 4 years actually. Again, I speak with the kids on the phone, the older one on the computer, and while I was there, I wasn't just a lump sitting on the couch. When things needed to be done, I would tell them and they would accept it from me. They respect me and love me, that much I can tell and I know Sg and Ab know it too. They've been doing a great job in raising respectful children.
I agree it's different being there for three weeks than living there. Of course there will be hurddles. I don't intend on coming in both guns blazing and take over, not at all. It will be an adjusting process for all, but the kids DO know me, and know me well and I know them. Its not like it was the first time they saw me or spoke with me when I got there.
They were counting down the days until my arrival before they were so excited. I look at things realistically. The kids are already accepting and love me and I love them, and that's the first step really. We're not saying everything is going to go perfectly, of course not, but it's a good step in the right direction. They want me there with them and are very excited that I'm moving to Australia. Even more excited when Sg asked what they thought if I were to move in with them. In fact I'VE spoken to dd 9 about it myself. She's thrilled as is dd 6, even ds 2 'talks' to me on the computer and on the phone.
Sorry if I seem defensive but just need you to know it's not a spur of the moment decsion without thinking of the kids. I'd never do anything I knew would hurt them, and I know Sg and Ab will only ever do whats best for the kids.
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  #14  
Old 07-28-2009, 03:49 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Cool. I've not read every post on your story, though enough to get interested. I, too, like redpepper, fear for folks when it appears they're blindly leaping. I hope for the best and fear for the worst. When I see things that I think should be done cautiously and don't know that it is, I tend to fuss. That sometimes comes across as negativity, when it's instead of measure of supportiveness.

It sounds as if you've considered it all and have established a base for the move, though, so I'm quite happy for you. And didn't I just see some positive poly coverage in a major Aussie paper (a Sunday edition)? That can only help with joining a new community.
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  #15  
Old 07-28-2009, 07:17 AM
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I'm really sorry if my question caused you to think defensively. I would also think that way too if I were asked questions that are so upfront. Although I am very welcoming of candor such as my own,,, how else will I ever really feel that what goes on in my life is okay without it being challenges by someone.

Please know that I ask because I care about the three of you and your kids. For me there was not enough to feel like you will all be safe emotionally and that you weren't all in a state of NRE. It is indeed a great feat that you have achieved such a level of closeness at such a distance. I'm glad that you are realizing the difficulties that may or may not come up. Especially where your kids are concerned.

I guess my concerns come from my own experiences of on line/on the phone dating relationships... I have also heard a few disasters about people moving across the world to be with people, giving up everything to do so and then are left destitute and with nothing.... I am NOT saying that this will happen to the three of you, just challenging it a little so as to hopefully create some space for you to perhaps talk about unspoken stuff and to make my self feel like this is a different case.

I wouldn't be poly if I were not radically honest now would I. It has served me well in becoming ultra close to my "family" in all ways, but it isn't easy and I don't always ask questions or express myself in a way that is sensitive, if this has been the case here, I am truly sorry for that.
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  #16  
Old 07-28-2009, 08:48 PM
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We appreciate that. We have had many conversations about all aspects of life and living together. We are doing our best to go into this with our eyes wide open and Comnicating openily with each other. We have discussed the expectations Of living in the same house and all aspect of daily life. I would jump into something this life changing without some serious thought.
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I donít get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here...
And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know that I am
I am, I am
The luckiest..
~ Ben Folds five ~
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  #17  
Old 07-28-2009, 09:49 PM
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Believe she ment to say she WOULDN'T jump into it. And I wouldn't just leave my life here and travel half way around the world on a whim. It's a huge risk for me as well. I'm leaving everything behind. Selling everything I own. And I certainly don't want to hurt the kids. I know that they wouldn't be doing this either as children can become very attached and be crushed when things don't work out as they wouldn't understand.

We have already had several serious talks about things. Not everything has been NRE like. I can't say we're not in NRE, but we're still very realistic and thinking ahead about everything. We have had many discussions about things we haven't shared here, so believe me, we are all well aware of many things that may give us challenges. I'm sure other things will come up that we haven't thought of, but we will deal with them when they arise.
Fact is, we have discussed this thoroughly and all know what the expectations are regarding our relationship(s) and the children as well.
Sorry if this sounds a bit jumbled, just trying to orginize my thoughts and they all just kind of came tumbling out.
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  #18  
Old 07-29-2009, 05:15 AM
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well.... might I say, "yay!"

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  #19  
Old 07-29-2009, 04:48 PM
Degenerate Degenerate is offline
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Congratulations!

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  #20  
Old 07-30-2009, 02:53 AM
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Sunshinegrl Sunshinegrl is offline
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Thanks!
__________________
I donít get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here...
And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know that I am
I am, I am
The luckiest..
~ Ben Folds five ~
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