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Old 08-14-2013, 06:19 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,347

I subscribe to love theory.

Friend isn't polyamorous and doesn't sound from the original post like she returns the feelings. So there's no 2 way romance thing there between you.
There's no commitment built there at this time either. To me it seems like the only other corner left is to park it at this time is the "infatuation" corner.
And that's a crush to me. I didn't mean it in a mean or minimizing way. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a crush. For years even! They are awesome.

But if that's as far as this one can go, then that's as far as this one can go. Limit reached.

I've resigned myself to accepting that we will just be friends and I truly do want my friend to find that person she is looking for...and I know it is NOT me.
Sounds reasonable then. If it isn't a runner it isn't a runner. Could keep enjoying the crush to yourself, and focus on being her friend.

Hang in there!


Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-14-2013 at 06:23 AM.
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Old 08-14-2013, 12:16 PM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

Originally Posted by NowIKnow View Post
I know in my heart I'm polyamorous because I truly do love my wife. I also love being around and spending time with my best friend but she too is not polyamorous.

Would I like to have sex with both? Yes. Either individually or both at the same time but the fact that my wife nor my friend are not I do not pursue those desires.

I've been open and honest with both of them about my love for each. I only have sex with my wife though. Does sex have to be involved with a third person for me to consider myself poly?
I'd say that although you may well be polyamorous, this set up isn't polyamory, simply because there is the absence of consent. Your friend hasn't agreed to be in a romantic union with you with the understanding that you (at least) will be having other romantic, loving relationships as well as the one you have with her. It has nothing to do with having sex with your friend, it's just that polyamory is about multiple romantic relationships, and you are not in a romantic relationship with your friend.
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Old 08-15-2013, 01:30 AM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 364

if you consider yourself poly...i find it interesting you use the phrase "the one". i suppose i could call my spouse, "the one" because i love him and im married to him, we have children together, we share a home, we are committed to staying together....but if you purely mean that emotional, i also love and am comitted to my boyfriend so there is not a "one".

If no one is poly, and nothing can happen...i have to agree with earlier posters its a crush and you move on. I'll admit, i crushed pretty hard on BF before asking my spouse to be poly...but i asked for the whole kit and kaboodle..and i already knew BF was down for it. (hes married and also poly)
keep on keeping on
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Old 08-16-2013, 01:59 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

It is perfectly possible for you to be poly and in a relationship with two people who are mono - there are many examples out there of so-called "mono/poly" relationships. I know, because I am in one. They take more work, but *can* work - my relationship configuration has been stable, now, for over 5 years.

Over the years I have felt a romantic affection for several of my friends. Some subtle conversations indiciated that poly wouldn't be something they would even consider, and I dropped any idea of ever having anything with these people.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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