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Old 08-11-2013, 11:24 PM
RavenandSteven RavenandSteven is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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Red face New Poly Couple

we are a new couple to polyamerous lifestyles. Our experience so far has been that it is hard to find people that are open enough to even try a relationship like this. I have been able to find a Boyfriend and we are now looking again for a girlfriend for my husband. The last one just kind of disappeared and we found out she wasnt as honest and ready as she claimed. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to find other poly ppl/
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Old 08-12-2013, 01:40 PM
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Crazytown USA
Posts: 1,885

I would have him have his own dating account. He can find his own girlfriend. Take the "we" out of it. I have discovered trying to make a quad work is as hard if not harder than a triad. If I was talking to a guy online and his wife was very involved it would be a turn off and I would be extremely leary about how much involvement his wife would have in our relationship. So my suggestion would be to back off, let your husband do his thing and maybe somewhere down the line you and she can develop a friendship.
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Old 08-12-2013, 02:50 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 838

Hello Raven and Steven,

Where do you live? If you live in(or near) a big city there are quite a few poly gatherings, try meetup.com and search for polyamory near your local city. If you live out in the country it would be harder but still not impossible. Many people advocate venturing out where the more geek/alternative people hang out as chances are a higher proportion of those people will be interested or open to alternative relationship models. Looking exclusively online is difficult. Does any of this feel useful to you?
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Old 08-12-2013, 02:59 PM
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drtalon drtalon is offline
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Location: Raleigh, NC
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Old 08-14-2013, 11:39 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
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Hi RavenandSteven,
Welcome to our forum.

Finding people to date in a poly setting is not easy. The others have given some good suggestions; here's a few more.


You can also try googling "polyamory" with the name of your state or city; a link to a local poly group might turn up.

Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

Time and patience are key elements here. Sometimes it's when you're not looking that you find someone.

Hope you have luck and love in your search,
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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