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  #11  
Old 01-15-2011, 05:59 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I didn't read it that way. I thought he meant that although the bed is just furniture, the space/area/room/environment/dynamic that is present holds the energy of the people involved. The bed itself isn't sacrosanct, but the energy of the people "playing" is felt and acknowledged, and can happen anywhere -- not just in the bed. So the bed is just furniture.

Thank you.

That isn't what it sounded like GS said to me; but that is definitely one way of looking at it.
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  #12  
Old 01-15-2011, 07:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovinhimloviner View Post
Thank you for your reply. I am going to talk to her about it tomorrow I just wanted to get some opinions before hand. Sorry
Why sorry?
Don't be sorry!

I do the same thing all of the time.
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  #13  
Old 01-15-2011, 08:14 PM
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Can't he go to her place if she's uncomfortable in your bed?
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  #14  
Old 01-16-2011, 06:38 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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I would feel really awkward about kicking someone out of her own bed so that I could sleep with her husband in their bed, maybe even a little guilty. My mom always tries to make me take her bed when I come visit, and I always refuse, it's just not right. I realize you're choosing to give it up, not getting kicked out, but it would feel the same way to me.

As for the generality of partners sleeping in other partners' beds, it's all about what works for the people in the relationships. To some people, it's just a piece of furniture, to others it's a sacred space. Just like for some people, wedding rings are an important symbol of the commitment, and others think it's just a silly metal trinket.
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  #15  
Old 01-16-2011, 08:54 AM
dragonflysky dragonflysky is offline
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I slept in "their" bed about 3 times. She suggested it because she was out of the house working a night shift and their bed is bigger and more comfortable than the futon in the spare bedroom. (He's a tall guy, so that made the futon extra uncomfortable!) It was okay the first couple of times, but not the third time. His and my relationship was going downhill by then. I didn't feel like I was getting enough time with him. (They live together. I lived a little over an hour away and was lucky if I saw him once a week or slept with him once every two weeks.) As I laid in their bed.....it was a reminder to me of how she and he sleep together night after night....wake up to each other morning after morning. And how much I wanted more times like that with him.

If she was home at night, I would never sleep in their bed and displace her. That was HER bed, not mine. He would come and sleep on the futon with me. We'd make do even if it was a bit uncomfortable. (When I moved to be closer to them and start a new job I lived in their house for the first month until I found a place of my own to rent. He traded off sleeping every other night with one of us, in general, with a few exceptions. Unless she was at work, we slept on the futon in "my" room.) He wanted me to come into their bedroom when they were in bed in the morning to tell him "good morning" and give him a "good bye" kiss before I left for work. She was fine with this. (If their bedroom door was shut, I wouldn't go in...although that only happened once.) In fact, she'd make it a point to tell me to have a good day when I came in to tell him "Good morning". I miss them.
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  #16  
Old 01-16-2011, 01:52 PM
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I guess we are different because our GF is "OUR" GF....Not just MY gf, and not just HER GF. So she sleeps with both of us...in our king sized bed.
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  #17  
Old 01-16-2011, 04:30 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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This is something that we don't have to deal with. My wife and I have separate beds in separate rooms, so our beds are ours alone and we can share them with whom we please. We don't have issues with sleeping arrangements.

Shortly after we got together several years ago, my wife had an issue briefly over the idea of somebody else having sex with me in our apartment. I pointed out that any place I can't freely have company is someplace that isn't my home, so to solve the problem I told her I'd find us adjoining apartments somewhere and then she'd never have to worry about that and I would actually have a home.

She decided she'd much rather live with me than next door to me and worked through her issue. I suspect it had to do with not wanting to have to clean an apartment by herself....
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  #18  
Old 01-16-2011, 10:09 PM
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Been thinking about this topic. I have been corresponding for a few months now with a poly guy who is married, and we're planning to meet sometime soon. If we choose to become intimate and he ever invites me to sleep in the bed he shares with his wife, I know I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. In fact, I wouldn't feel comfortable with even being in their bedroom. I view my bedroom as a sanctuary and am careful about the energy that goes into it, so even if they didn't care about that stuff, I would feel weird being sexual with him in their space. Other reasons: I wouldn't want to feel like an invader, or that I was just another body in his bed, and I would want our liaisons to have some sort of special designation, separate from other relationships he has.


Curious how it worked out with the OP talking to her hub's gf about it.
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Last edited by nycindie; 01-16-2011 at 11:33 PM.
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  #19  
Old 01-17-2011, 09:07 PM
lovinhimloviner lovinhimloviner is offline
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When I spoke to her about this she said it is a little weird but she would get over it and it would be ok. I hope she is being honest with herself about all of this.
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  #20  
Old 01-18-2011, 05:07 AM
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I am so glad that you brought this up. It's not really anything I have thought of before as really being an issue for myself, and I am finding the responses to be very enlightening.

As for myself, I have a very severe sleeping disorder, and my bed is not just a piece of furniture, or a place for being intimate. My bedroom is where I go as a sort of sanctuary. Its where I suffer and also where I heal. At the moment my Boyfriend and I live in separate apartments because we found that to be easier for us, not just on a multiple partner level but on all levels. Even when we did live together, He had his own room and joined me on occasion or vice versa because of my need to be secluded when I sleep.

I really have no experience in this particular matter, but I do have a possible suggestion...

There has been alot of talk about the energy that the bed holds. I truly believe that all physical objects hold varying degree's of energy of the person that they belong to. A ring for example, or a childs favorite toy. You are clearly open to sharing your space with her which I think is very wonderful of you, but perhaps its the energy of the room, the furniture, all of it, that holds her back? I would invite her place something of herself in the room. A mirror, or candles or something along those lines to make her feel more at home. Then the energy of that room would belong to all of you and not just that of you and your husbands. It might be more comfortable for her that way.

Very much luck to you!
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