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  #11  
Old 08-09-2013, 12:26 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I am as open as I am lazy. I just don't tell people but I don't hide it. I don't treat it as something special and people see what people see. Anyone that I call friend knows.. Everyone else is just passing through.

Family is different I am very open with those I care to keep in touch with

That said I am also not really a part of the poly community.. Too much work.. Too many politics and just not my thing. I have friends some poly some not. Who knows maybe if I was in Victoria where a lot of my poly friends are that might have changed. But in the end..I don't do meetings or meetups.. Too organized and I this community too structured.
There also seems to be an expected set of ressponsibilities when poly and part of the community. So far out of the scope of what I want.. I avoid it.
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  #12  
Old 08-09-2013, 02:22 AM
Flowerchild Flowerchild is offline
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Default It's not about telling people, it's about not hiding

Quote:
Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
Well, I don't tell people with whom I merely associate, but are not friends. However, if I were monogamous I wouldn't share details about the relationship either.
Yes, but if you were monogamous, people would KNOW your relationship status. I mean, the entire world? No. But your friends and family.

You can easily hide being poly if you're, say, dating people from OKC, but nothing serious. Or if you're poly by nature, but not by practice. But if you're, say, dating a married couple, well, it becomes very different.

Either you hide that you're with someone, you come out to a select few, or you say, screw it, and just let anyone who crosses your path know...but, whatever you do, I mean, surely it gets tricky?
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  #13  
Old 08-09-2013, 03:25 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Lol. I am ENTJ.
Oh yes. That explains a lot.
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  #14  
Old 08-09-2013, 03:44 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
Yes, but if you were monogamous, people would KNOW your relationship status. I mean, the entire world? No. But your friends and family.

You can easily hide being poly if you're, say, dating people from OKC, but nothing serious. Or if you're poly by nature, but not by practice. But if you're, say, dating a married couple, well, it becomes very different.

Either you hide that you're with someone, you come out to a select few, or you say, screw it, and just let anyone who crosses your path know...but, whatever you do, I mean, surely it gets tricky?
People *assume* everyone is mono. That is the default societal norm. I *don't* know nor do I assume others I see are mono. If I was mono in a mono society, then yes, their assumption is going to be correct.

I think of it like religion. I am an atheist. I live in the Bible Belt. I have had very sweet, devout Christian old ladies assume I share their beliefs. When they tell me they will pray for me if I am faced with a challenge, I accept their offering with the intent intended. I don't tell them their offering means nothing because i don't believe in God. Why would I do that? they are showing compassion. That is all that counts to me.

So yes, if you were mono people would assume correctly; if you are not they will assume incorrectly.

If I were dating a married couple - and I have - we kept it under wraps to the neighbors, because the children were too young to understand if one of the parents freaked and didn't allow their children to play with the couples' any longer. In that case there could have been consequences that the kids couldn't handle. When the three of us were out somewhere no one knew us, and the kids would not be exposed to attitudes they couldn't cope with, then we went on display.

So I would say pick and choose depending on the circumstance. Me? I have no problem dealing with other people's ignorant views if I must, but I certainly wouldn't put children in a position to have to deal (these children were young 8 and 10), nor would I endanger my job. After that, yeah, it is everybody else's problem; not mine.
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  #15  
Old 08-09-2013, 04:38 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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I am, though to be truthful when I was in a professional position in a smaller town, I was not comfortable with the idea of being out. My family knows (was somewhat easy because of swinging experience/chronic cheatiness - wasn't too worried about judgement). My husband was always out (20+ years poly) at work and in life, and when I met his parents I was married to my ex still. He was a bit reluctant to use the open relationship status on FB because he has a lot of professional contacts there, but decided to go ahead and start labeling our relationship as such last month.

The only odd thing is that we've moved from owning to renting in the last couple weeks. I have a partner that is needing some extra support and he's been over every day this week - neighbors on all sides have seen him over (perhaps heard ), and it's a bit odd, I think our lease says something about not doing "immoral" things on the premises...it's a pretty liberal area but I've been paranoid about just how that can be translated by a court if the landlord has an issue (he lives nearby, and talks to the neighbors).

I've been considering on my sewing/quilting blog starting mentioning making things for partners/boyfriends whatever, instead of having to phrase things oddly... not that it'd be noticeable to many, but my MIL reads it and for all I know she's assumed we've become monogamous - but I don't like being dodgy - and my husband DID live with them with two of his girlfriends at one time so I'm sure she wouldn't be too scandalized.

I do know that although I always kinda got that "my partner's family doesn't know I'm their partner/how much I mean to them" was hard, I never actually GOT it until this week, when some horrible shit has gone on in the local community with the loss of a metamour. I want to recognize my partners as such where I can, and to be recognized - feeling a bit wishful that my partners were out to their families - feeling somewhat committed to not being involved with anybody new who isn't out, so if things get serious, I know I can be included if something fucked up happens - being out sure makes that feel more possible.
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  #16  
Old 08-09-2013, 12:22 PM
HistoryLives HistoryLives is offline
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We are fairly new to all of this BUT I don't think we will be coming out public - a few close people know - one is poly them selves and that has been a great thing for me - to have someone I KNOW to talk with.

I would love to be able to have an open relationship (ie be able to go out and show affection to my BF) but it would be too hard on my family and in our community to ostracize us.
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