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  #21  
Old 12-18-2013, 03:17 PM
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Good, than don't feel guilty or sullied, think that you are lucky to have that support to lean on
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  #22  
Old 12-18-2013, 03:37 PM
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What Natja said. I'm glad you have the support, and I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I agree with Magdlyn - the hypocrisy is appalling.
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Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids, two cats, one house with many projects.
Chops: My partner of ~3 years. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

My navel-gazing blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
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  #23  
Old 12-18-2013, 03:53 PM
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Hugs from me, too.

I agree with everything that Magdlyn and Natja said, and want to send my sympathies to you.

I am coming from a strictly religious background, too, and nothing you told surprised me. I see the kind of behavior your husband is doing as one possible outcome of the crooked moral rules of strict religious groups. The hypocrisy is disgusting and he as an adult is responsible of his behavior, and what he does is WRONG. I have just seen this before... sad to say. It is a pattern. His getting any "better"... well, miracles do happen but I would not stay waiting one here.

You did not deserve this, no one does.
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Last edited by Nadya; 12-18-2013 at 04:00 PM.
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  #24  
Old 12-18-2013, 04:22 PM
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franchescasc franchescasc is offline
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The strict moral background is what kills me. And I think you're right-the shame about sex that FJ felt from a very early age because of it drove him underground and made this a shadow life.
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  #25  
Old 12-18-2013, 05:00 PM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by franchescasc View Post
The strict moral background is what kills me. And I think you're right-the shame about sex that FJ felt from a very early age because of it drove him underground and made this a shadow life.
Yes, this is what I meant. Making sexuality a sin and a taboo is disastrous, and the disaster makes itself apparent in a variety of ways. Having a double life is one possibility. My fate was serious depression - and there are other possible outcomes, too.

The shock of "But that is SOOO against our mutual moral code!!" is familiar to me, too. And it hurts... dammit, more than anything.
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  #26  
Old 12-18-2013, 05:14 PM
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Default Grieving

Yes it hurts. Feel like I've been ripped in two. And like I'll never trust a man again. I am leaning toward divorcing him-for now I just need the space to feel and think. Going to therapy solo-and that's good for me. I am grieving the loss of my marriage and the family unit for my 5 precious children. It's so hard to explain to them, and I know I'm going to take the fall for being the one who wanted daddy to leave and wouldn't work on the relationship. It's tough.
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  #27  
Old 12-18-2013, 05:56 PM
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You have my sympathy.
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  #28  
Old 12-18-2013, 07:02 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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All I can offer is hugs.

I am sorry you are going through this
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  #29  
Old 12-18-2013, 07:28 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by franchescasc View Post
I know I'm going to take the fall for being the one who wanted daddy to leave and wouldn't work on the relationship. It's tough.
Find a support group of other parents in similar situations. Family counseling with the kids would be helpful (IMO should be mandatory for every divorcing family or family going through major changes). So sorry for what your going through.

Side Note: Please get legal advice ASAP, no matter what you finally decide to do, you need to know your options and the risks of each coarse of action, including doing nothing. I've seen too many people, especially parents, get burned because they said "he/she would never do that".
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  #30  
Old 12-18-2013, 07:53 PM
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franchescasc franchescasc is offline
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Thanks for the advice! Thankfully my new job has great health care coverage, and I can get 4 visits with a counselor for each kid for free. Will def take advantage of that. And I have an appointment with an attorney known as a ball buster at the end of January. He's already given me a hard time about money just being separated. I don't trust him at all, or presume to know what he'll do. I have to be ready for anything. The kids are my biggest focus right now.
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