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Old 08-07-2013, 03:37 PM
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JadeDoor JadeDoor is offline
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Default Sharing with acquaintances

How do you handle sharing your lifestyle with people who aren't exactly friends but who you interact with often and who might figure it out on their own?

Our situation - DH and I are married and his ex wife/girlfriend lives with us. DH's brother also lives with us and he and I are dating. My kids are in little league and DH and BIL were asked to coach this year. We will all be at games together and though we are not all over each other, there is definitely a weird vibe that some other parents have picked up on.

DH is wondering if he should chat with the head coach over coffee and tell him about our family to make sure this won't be an issue. If it will be, he and his brother will drop out of coaching and just let our kids play on the team. If it won't be, then at least it will be in the open and the kids can play and DH and BIL can coach.

Has anyone had a similar situation? I'm not too keen on sharing but I don't want someone to see DH and his gf out in town sometime holding hands and start to wonder about things halfway through the season and then everything gets awkward.
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--Jade, 31/f
Neverwhere - exH, we have a son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. They have three sons together.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother. We are dating. He is mono.
JBR - My boyfriend of 8 months, also poly, has kids, we live together.
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Old 08-07-2013, 03:46 PM
Flowerchild Flowerchild is offline
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The honest truth is, this is something you just have to shrug off, if you want to do this lifestyle. You can tell everyone and be completely open and honest (this does not mean you have to go around sharing ALL the time, just don't hide it and if people ask, tell the truth).

Most likely you have things holding you back from that, fears of losing your job, etc.

So, be discreet as you can....don't be affectionate in public....treat them in a way you can pretend they're your "friend," even though people will gossip and suspect.

There's really not a whole lot of other options....well, it's the forum, so, hey, anyone who disagrees, I'd be happy to know other ways to go about it!
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Old 08-07-2013, 03:53 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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I'd walk right up to them all at once with no warning and say, "we're non-monogamous, and we're all fine with it. If you are going to judge us unfavorably, let's get that over with so we can move forward and deal with it. Is this a problem when it comes to coaching? All we want is for our kids to play on the team." Don't build up to it with "we need to sit down and talk about something". Just act normal. And yes, i do mean ACT normal, even if it doesn't FEEL normal. This is the only way to make it normal, if you plan to continue with this um, "lifestyle". I don't like the use of that word because it implies that all people in multiple relationships share some kind of "thing" in common... It's like saying that monogamous relationships are a common "lifestyle", but whatever. It upsets people on here too much when they are told their choice of words is presumptuous. You go ahead and say "lifestyle" all you want, just to show me that i can't tell you what to do.
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Old 08-07-2013, 03:54 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:

honest truth
As opposed to what? The dishonest truth?

Lol
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Old 08-07-2013, 04:23 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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I don't announce, but I don't hide. I just leave it. If someone questions, I explain. In situations where it's best to not be 'outted' I am respectful but it's the same thing I suppose as going to church. I wouldn't be making out with someone in church! But I might hold their hand or exchange looks.

Honestly, I prefer just letting people ask and acting natural if only because by NOT making it a big deal when those people who are interested ask, they learn it's not a big deal.
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Old 08-07-2013, 04:34 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vixtoria View Post
I don't announce, but I don't hide. I just leave it. If someone questions, I explain. In situations where it's best to not be 'outted' I am respectful but it's the same thing I suppose as going to church. I wouldn't be making out with someone in church! But I might hold their hand or exchange looks.

Honestly, I prefer just letting people ask and acting natural if only because by NOT making it a big deal when those people who are interested ask, they learn it's not a big deal.


This is what i do, but in some cases, being pro-active may be called-for.

I only have to be concerned with repercussions that affect me, but when it affects what activities my (nonexistent) children might be included in or excluded from, it is probably better to be one step ahead of the rumour mill.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 08-07-2013 at 04:37 PM.
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Old 08-07-2013, 04:45 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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It is trickier with kids I admit, and so again depending on what is going on, I remain 'respectful' like in church. No need to cause a scene. I do get proactive, such as now I have a meeting at the high school with a teacher and have already spoken to the principal. They have no LGBT org there and so I am pushing for one and helping to organize it. In the process why I am interested and what 'credentials' I have comes up and I like to be totally forthright so there's no issue, or at least not one that is't dealt with head on!
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  #8  
Old 08-07-2013, 05:46 PM
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JadeDoor JadeDoor is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
if you plan to continue with this um, "lifestyle". I don't like the use of that word because it implies that all people in multiple relationships share some kind of "thing" in common... It's like saying that monogamous relationships are a common "lifestyle", but whatever. It upsets people on here too much when they are told their choice of words is presumptuous. You go ahead and say "lifestyle" all you want, just to show me that i can't tell you what to do.
um, are you speaking to me or people in general? lol. I definitely don't feel that way.
__________________
--Jade, 31/f
Neverwhere - exH, we have a son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. They have three sons together.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother. We are dating. He is mono.
JBR - My boyfriend of 8 months, also poly, has kids, we live together.
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  #9  
Old 08-07-2013, 05:48 PM
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JadeDoor JadeDoor is offline
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My concern is definitely for our kids. We can handle things as far as the adults are concerned but we don't want to see our kids "outted" in the middle of the season.
__________________
--Jade, 31/f
Neverwhere - exH, we have a son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. They have three sons together.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother. We are dating. He is mono.
JBR - My boyfriend of 8 months, also poly, has kids, we live together.
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  #10  
Old 08-07-2013, 05:51 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Usually I wait for the question. Sometimes the expression is enough that I answer the unspoken question. Frequently I lead with "we have an alternative lifestyle."
I do NOT give up kisses hello/goodbye, hand holding etc in public places.
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