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Old 08-08-2013, 04:20 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
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Originally Posted by northhome View Post
That makes little sense I fear.

"You think she's fabulous and that I am not."

is a better construction.
That's correct. I was trying to see if anyone would notice. See, some of you DO know how to talk good english. I think a lot of people pretend to be dumber than they really are.

Originally Posted by Emm View Post
Perhaps not for what he was trying to say. I read it as "You think she's fabulous and I don't (think she's fabulous)".
Hmm... Good point. I wasn't thinking that, but it just happens to be so.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 08-08-2013 at 04:24 AM.
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Old 08-08-2013, 08:03 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 422
Default would you mind telling us what you were thinking?

Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
That's correct. I was trying to see if anyone would notice. See, some of you DO know how to talk good english. I think a lot of people pretend to be dumber than they really are.

Hmm... Good point. I wasn't thinking that, but it just happens to be so.

I know it sounds more than dumb, maybe the dumbest question, but now I am getting the feeling that you may be exhibiting the only thing worse than being ignorant of correct grammar, much worser than laziness and convenience is the person who is somewhat aware of writing grammatically correct, but uses grammar to intentionally be unclear.

ETA I think you are fibbing about using the ipod, as ipod don't use OSX 10 point anything so maybe you could esplain your funny joke about the ipod?

You have to becareful with situations as sensitive as these, not just with the husband possibly exacerbating the issue, because trying to talk to someone face to face can often be the cause of a person getting defensive and denying any insecurities, because unless you know her husband extremely well, who knows what happened or if he "inadvertently" forgot to be clear about him "thinking" the details he implied were words she said.

Men are in general, idiots, and even sometimes liars. Even if he told you straightly "she said she doesn't want me volunteering anymore because you are trying to have sex with me" and even if you verify "did she actually say that?" and even if he says "yes"

you still don't know, unless you know him AND her extremely well as it could be the case she signed up for a yoga class before all this happened and all she said was "You can't volunteer for the morning hours until after fall term is over" and it could have nothing to do with your revealing you are poly.

so at this point just do everything in as sensitive and respectful manner as you can, and know that some people cannot deal, and the funny thing about it is, it's just like the ones who make a big deal about homosexuality being anything other than a person's sexuality -- and especially the ones who are the vocal in objection -- are the males who secretly want to suck dick. So you never can tell as the male body endocrine system runs essentially on just one hormone and it's idiot juice. So just know that it could be the husband who is turning the mole hill into mountains of problems.

It could be the wife is neutral about it, and open minded, and she could have even asked her husband "that could be kind of fun huh?" but her husband was the one to adamantly deny he thought any more about it after that night, when he told his wife, no , after they got home the night of the revelation.

BUT ANYWAYS, what I am saying is, it's all speculation, had you gotten the info from a female it might be more likely accurate enough to run with the assumptions, but the majority of males are so far in denial about the influence of idiot juice, they don't recognize how nearly all problems of a civilized, cooperative society is rooted in males and only with males (as it is exactly why the order of Hymenoptera intentionally -- and because they had no choice -- exclude males because they can't be a part of a functional cooperative society unless they wake up and step out of denial.

All that aside though, there is a significant difference between the approach Gala Girl suggests and that of Flowerchild, though it is a very subtle one.

One way is not really treating them with the compassion that you would a friend, and I am not saying that Flower's advise is intentional, but confronting her will provoke a defensiveness and it may even be rightly so, an e-mail or a letter doesn't entail having to keep up a facade of coolness, which to be honest is often necessary when the person you are facing is behaving in way to ensure

"and you'll have squashed any argument she might have come up with in her head to use against you in future"

as whether or not people recognize it, unspoken attitude does drip from even the kindest words when such an attitude is present.

I don't know, you will likely know better than any of us as you know the couple, so everything I say or we say here is prone to only seeing the picture you paint, and as we often witness, grammatically correct does not equal clarity, accuracy, or truthfulness all of the time.

Sometimes I think there are two main camps in the world of polyamory. One side would rather remain an underground undisclosed club, as it makes them feel special or superior, and others just tired of not being able to live authentically, as in the past being " poly " often meant -- at the very least -- letting someone you considered a friend, walk away from a conversation with a very false impression of the truth, and you aware of that false impression

often it was the intention to give that false impression

and when that happens, you can no longer have a close relationship with that person, because that is not the behavior that friends display among friends. And these are actually very basic principles of psychology and requirements for an emotionally healthy relationship

and this is completely overlooked by professionals in the psychiatric industry, even denied. But when you have close relationships with people whom from that closeness it is required you trust, when they lie to you and you believe their lies, it does distort your ability to recognize all other truths

and that is beside that fact that unconscious guilt can and will cause you to lash out or just be overly harsh at some point in future, and that's why I honestly don't understand how otherwise intelligent people can claim they do not recognize these basic principles in human psychology. The biggest red flag waving in regards to feeling like you need to hide and live a lie is that lashing out only shows it's face during the times we are most guilty -- like when the person we lied to *almost* intuitively becomes aware of the truth, and that is when we lash out and are the most blaming of them, that the reason for all the hostility

we try to tell them it's their fault

how do men look people in the eye, and blame them when they should really be asking for forgiveness from those they blame

you *almost* have to detach yourself from every caring mammalian instinct to nurture your family, which for human being, is a chosen one. But so many people are in denial of the very emotions that are Human, and chose to place their order of importance of their thoughts and logic so that they rearrange their mind, back to a framework of a lower configuration in the hierarchy, which would be not human not homo, and not sapian

I believe that more people who have the courage to Love as they see fit and with whomever they choose is a good thing. When people believe they need to hide who they are, it will effect their relationships negatively.

So good for you, do the best you can, and those who cannot live with the truth, you shouldn't be interacting with them anyway, it's emotionally unhealthy

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 08-08-2013 at 11:51 AM. Reason: transcription errors,
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