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  #41  
Old 08-14-2013, 11:43 PM
Flowerchild Flowerchild is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
WHAAAAAAATTTTT???? A threesome doesn't mean that all people participating have to pleasure each of the other participants. What the hell? I'm a straight chick and I date straight men, so that means they could be pleasuring me at the same time, I could be pleasuring both of them, each guy could take turns watching the other be with me, or we could all get ourselves off together - lots of possibilities. How does that seem to you like we would not be fully enjoying it?????


Your whole conception of what poly is and how group sex works is rather off the mark, it seems, and gets more and more odd with every one of your posts.
To me that's not a threesome, that's just group sex.
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  #42  
Old 08-14-2013, 11:57 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
To me that's not a threesome, that's just group sex.
You are really silly. How old are you?
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  #43  
Old 08-15-2013, 12:00 AM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Yeah sorry, first of all, for clarification, I was not using myself as an example but as a way to make your scenario make sense. Hubby, not dating, me, not straight.

Secondly, hubby has been in a threesome, with a woman and another man. Both men straight. That's still a threesome, neither are any less straight.

Work on your assumptions, they are really doing you a disservice.
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  #44  
Old 08-15-2013, 12:48 AM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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This thread has gotten amusing, but to clarify my earlier post, I was reaponding to the original comment of straight women not wanting threesomes. The NYC chic and I were goofing around a bit.

Later posts, I don't see how having a threesome with a woman and my spouse would make me bi, since I have no independent interest in women. I dunno, this post went wild!
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  #45  
Old 08-15-2013, 01:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
But that wasn't really my point, and I don't understand why it keeps being brought up. My point was, well, I stated again above.
I have such a hard time figuring out what you are trying to say, FC. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one.

As far as I can piece together, what you seem to be saying is that if everyone involved in a polyamorous relationship is bisexual then it would be a more target rich environment. Factually speaking I suppose that would be true. If the people around me are attracted to my gender, I'm attracted to theirs, that would suggest a higher possibility of jamming our genitals together. Ah romance...

You also seem to be suggesting that if each person in the relationship is dating the other then it would somehow lessen tensions like jealousy. From what I've seen on these boards that isn't even remotely true... and actually the opposite would seem to be true. At least when people date separately they can keep the jealousy more compartmentalized and addressed individually. If we're all in romantic relationships with each other and I'm jealous of ONE of you... I am by default going to have to deal with issues with the other.
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  #46  
Old 08-15-2013, 02:35 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
Honestly, I find the idea of straight people having threesomes odd (everyone can't fully enjoy each other, or I guess, they could, but then, what's the difference between being bi or gay or straight?)

But that wasn't really my point, and I don't understand why it keeps being brought up. My point was, well, I stated again above.
My ex boyfriend and I had threesomes with his best friend. They were both heterosexual men who had no interest in one another. But they had a great interest in working as a team to give a woman such an intense and wonderful experience she was overwhelmed in attention.

Likewise, I've had threesomes with my dh and bf who also have NO interest in one another. In both cases-it was a circumstance where they were gifting me the opportunity to have twice the attention.

In all of the times I've been with 2 men-none of the men were bi or even bi curious. They simply didn't DO anything to/with one another. They focused their attention on me.

Additionally, I've had a number of FFM threesomes. Most of the time both women were bi. But at least one time, the other woman was straight-and we simply focused on pleasing the man and left each other alone...
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  #47  
Old 08-15-2013, 02:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
Yes, most do date independently. Say, I have a boyfriend and I'm bisexual. Do we both have to date the same woman? Of course not. But would it make it easier to develop a relationship as we might all have time to be intimate together? Time always being an issue. I can't help but think it would ease tensions that come from scheduling.

Apparently, however, I'm crazy in thinking this :-p
Time-honestly-very little of OUR time is spent having sex. Most of it is spent doing day to day life. So *almost all* of our day to day life is fully integrated. Myself, DH, BF and kids. Frequently the grandkids too.
Now for sex-we segregate (2 times in 20 years seems unremarkable for this point). But really-they work opposite shifts-so it hasn't affected our "day to day time" because they aren't in bed at the same time and they aren't available for sex at the same time.
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  #48  
Old 08-15-2013, 02:43 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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FC-it might not mean threesome TO YOU if all participants aren't fondling each other.
But by definition of the word-it is still a threesome if three people are in bed and participating in sex-even if they aren't all fondling everyone in the bed.

It helps A LOT if you want to have intellectual discourse about difficult topics (of which all of this is intellectual masturbation really-because it's all theoretical)
to take time to find out IN ADVANCE what the "general" understanding of a word is-not your own personal understanding of it
OR
clarify "I define x as being blah blah blah and based upon that assumption I posit that blah blah blah blah blah is blah blah blah."

When you just assume that everyone is going to understand what on earth you are assuming-you create threads that go awry.....
like this one-
with a bunch of posters thinking "WHAT A....."
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  #49  
Old 08-15-2013, 07:25 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Default It seems like intellectual masturbation

when it is a competition, and a parading around like peacocks, yet not being grown up enough to admit it, seems like the only thing that causes the real problems on these boards.

Asking for clarification is always good, even if it's just paraphrasing back what you heard with your tone of voice ending on a high note to signify -- at least halfway -- a question

always good

but can you honestly say you don't see any competitive masturbation pissing contests where the most points are awarded for style, and the popular style is whoever can "appear" to be the coiner of the next dominant "poly" trend that make it a lot like some team debate exercise?

You know I don't think poorly of you guys LR, as you aren't even participating really in this one as you seem to be just discussing the topic, answering the questions as if you don't really care about the the next rule to be ratified as acceptable behavior of "the official no-longer-underground poly community" nor are you worried about the next edition of the "ONLU PC" poly dictionary and whether or not the pesky poly individuals are going to stay within the context that many have put many hours of hard work, thought, masturbationary discussions on, that could be all for not,

Can you honestly tell me you think the problem is people do not understand what FC is talking about, or that she is making these broad generalizations that are false, as opposed to asking about a specific personal situation, that maybe they know exactly how FC is defining words, and it is the opposition's definitions, a power struggle if you will, that is going on here?

I am sure I am just being paranoid, and/or delusional, possibly reading into something and adding my own inaccurate assumptions that couldn't be further from the truth.

Anyway

I do think threesomes with three hetero participants, happen significantly less than when one or more are bisexual

I label myself as hetero, and not bisexual, however I do find threesomes to be a huge turn on in certain situations, and I prefer them to be MFM as opposed to being with two females. It just seems to fit the needs of all involved better, even though the needs that I am talking about would really be spoken of more accurately, to satiate sexual lust

And my preference has nothing to do with sexual orientation, as I prefer threesomes with a man and a woman, as opposed to with two women, and it doesn't matter if they are bisexual, hetero , lesbians or even man hating lesbians

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 08-15-2013 at 09:38 AM. Reason: typos
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  #50  
Old 08-15-2013, 09:25 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I can honestly say (Dc) that I don't care if people are being obstinate or difficult in terms of what I said.
People as a rule of thumb ARE obstinate and difficult.
For me personally, I simply find I avoid giving them a place to "twist" my words if I am more critical of my own terminology and clarification.

We can not control anyone but ourselves. So-if we as an individual want to minimize how frequently people get annoyed, frustrated, sarcastic, obstinate etc about our words-we can choose to be more explicit and clear thus alleviating that opening ( or at least minimizing it).

You are correct that I don't have a pre-defined ida of "right" or "wrong" poly.
It also happens that i am of the "family-oriented" group in lofestyle choice (versus the more independent) because I have children.
However-if I did not have children, I would be more inclined to by like Nycindie; live alone, date whoever and it would be no one's business but my own what I did with whom or where.
As a mother; I prefer to not be apart from my children or cause their other parents to be apart from them simply because I would prefer my OWN home separate from my lovers. Shrug.

At any rate-whilst I believe I understand what fc meant-i happen to think fc is delusional in what the definition of threesome (and group sex) are. A threesome is a form of group sex by definition. One that involves 3 people with no requirement that it be triadic. A "v" threesome is more common in my experience than a triadic threesome.
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