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  #11  
Old 08-02-2013, 06:11 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RainyGrlJenny View Post
Why on earth are you dating someone who goes out of his way to tell you hurtful things, and to stir up the waters between metamours?

I don't think your problem is the wife, it's your jerkface boyfriend.


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  #12  
Old 08-02-2013, 06:26 PM
Ltmusicdude Ltmusicdude is offline
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Default Hold on now people

Ok so I definitely see where everyone is coming from where bringing up hurtful things might not be the best idea. But in my current relationship if R had something bad to say about me I would kind of want to know about it so I could address the issue. Flowerchild, it sounds like his wife is not fond of the idea of you at all and I don't think your looks or your occupation have anything to do with what she is saying about you; the wife here seems petty to me in the sense that she will talk down about stupid little things like that instead of just saying she has an issue with her husband dating someone else. I really though, don't fault the guy too much, yea he could stop telling you all the stuff she says (that is if he is telling you EVERYTHING she says) but honestly if I were in your position I would want to know exactly what i'm dealing with as opposed to just wondering blindly. Don't let anything she says affect you or your personal image btw, shes probably just upset and jealous and that can do a lot of bad to a person's head. Don't take it personally, and if you really think that he is bringing it up too much just tell him and I bet he will stop, he might just not realize that he's bringing it up too much, instead of the popular opinion of he is conspiring to pit you and his wife against each other. Of course i havent met any of you so I really can't know either. Trust yourself and voice your wants and needs and if your in the right place with the right people, the things you want to change will, however slowly.
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  #13  
Old 08-02-2013, 06:59 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Your BF doesn't need to repeat all that to you. His doing that does not improve relationship between you and the wife.

Wife could talk to you direct if she wants to tell you things.
You could talk to wife direct yourself if you want to know things.
Your hinge could not make himself the go-between and get all into triangulation weirdness.

And if the internal polyship climate here is this poor, you could think about walking away and no longer dealing with EITHER her baggage or his baggage and exposing yourself to their weird. Less baggage for you is less baggage for you.

You could seek a healthier polyship dynamic than this.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-02-2013 at 07:02 PM.
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  #14  
Old 08-02-2013, 07:57 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RainyGrlJenny View Post
Why on earth are you dating someone who goes out of his way to tell you hurtful things, and to stir up the waters between metamours?

I don't think your problem is the wife, it's your jerkface boyfriend.
I have to concur. When we started this whole poly-shebang, there were some hurtful things said by my husband about my boyfriend. I didn't repeat them.

It may be unreasonable to expect her to like you. That can't be answered without knowing what is being said to her about you and knowing her.

But I damn sure would be questioning a lover who was repeating trash talk to me....
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