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Old 08-02-2013, 01:46 AM
Flear Flear is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Chilliwack, BC
Posts: 116
Default what is polyamory?

this is kinda sticking in my head more and more.

there are degrees a couple are willing to open there otherwise monogamous relationship.

-you have only one other partner in your life your commited to in all aspects of intimacy and a deep connection for your relationship

-just sexual (those people invited into the bedroom or that you go out and meet just to get laid, a kind of "friends with benefits" theme or strangers who you either hired or otherwise never expect to see again)

*open relationship*
-just dating (someone your seeing outside or your marriage for a good time on friday night, that additional partner that doesn't measure to against the husband or wife, but you enjoy their company enough you've got a nice fun relationship with them too)

*poly- (pick a suffix, doesn't matter - learn something if you think it does before you comment)
-serious commitment to more than one person ...

... i'm not the only one that has noticed polyamorous has been used as a cleaver word to sound different than polygamy and more serious and commited than swingers and/or having an open relationship.

i'm not the only one that has seen it used to entice someone else into the bedroom (if your more of a swinger) but your not interested in them beyond sex.

then there are these "primary" and "secondary" terms.
-primary - that person you are coming home to, who you are going out with, who you either are, or your working up enjoying everyone important in your life knowing about, no secrets.
-secondary - well their in your life, it's better than just casual sex because you want to get laid on friday night, but they're not important enough to really include them in family affairs.

is it just me or does every "secondary" sound like an open marriage/relationship ?

sure, so you have a second person you love, you care about, just if push comes to shove, no one bats an eye if you shove them under a bus because the husband or wife comes first.

lets elaborate, ... before even thinking about it, you know who counts and who is disposable.

there's no hesitation, no humming and hawing, no sleepless nights and pepto to sooth an upset stomach because your so completely torn that you'll do whatever it takes to keep all those people in your life close, because no one is expendable, because they are worth it and you'll go that extra mile, and another, and another.

the same kind of person the monogamist is who isn't willing to give up because things are tough.


so ... swinger, open, poly. ... maybe i'm asking a bit much to ask everyone to settle on this kind of definition. but i'll keep it up.

so quit calling yourself poly when it's friends with benefits, because you don't really care, not really, not deeply

so quit calling yourself poly when your dating, because they'll never take the place of your husband or wife (and/or if your keeping them a secret from anyone)

if your poly, then act like it, love them, do what it takes to care about them and keep them happy, ... not some dirty little secret
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