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  #11  
Old 08-02-2013, 11:05 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Originally Posted by spicefox View Post
... possibly use protection with the "secondaries". (we don't use condoms, never have)
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Originally Posted by spicefox View Post
i feel like i dont have any control and that the primary has a little bit more. especially as she doesnt know about me.
Wait a sec - I missed the no condoms bit the first time around.

So...he is having unprotected sex with you AND she doesn't even KNOW about you and you think SHE has more control? This guy is playing both of you - stop letting him (and go get yourself STI tested - there's a good likelihood that he is playing others as well).

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


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  #12  
Old 08-02-2013, 12:31 PM
london london is offline
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Originally Posted by spicefox View Post
So, I'm generally a very mono person and I lost someone last year that I cared deeply for.

We've got back in contact and unfortunately he has a girlfriend. she's not fulfilling any of his needs so he keeps talking about finishing with her. I don't like being the other woman. I prefer being number one

But, this situation has made me realise that I don't mind "sharing" him even though I don't usually.

I've put forward the idea of an open relationship. so mono/poly. in which ive said he just needs to discuss with me first if he wants to sleep with someone else and possibly use protection with the "secondaries". (we don't use condoms, never have)

I'm just wondering anyone elses experience of mono/poly and if you found you cared for someone enough to be willing to be in this sort of relationship with them

Also, I was thinking of writing up some "ground" rules. Type thing, but I dont know whether this is a good or bad idea. I'm thinking good to begin with as neither of us have been in any sort of poly relationship

any comments etc please

also hi! I'm new
Someone who is isn't assertive or strong enough to end a relationship with someone who isn't making them happy is unlikely to be "good poly material". Also, right now, this other woman is not a threat because you know your guy isn't really into her. That gives no indication about how you will react to someone who drives your guy wild and makes his heart leap with joy. Nothing you have said makes me think that you guys would have a healthy poly relationship
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  #13  
Old 08-02-2013, 02:40 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Originally Posted by spicefox View Post

I think b is more likely as she meets 0 of his needs (its a very fresh relationship) and basically he likes her body. ...I have told him I understand if he chooses her but I can't continue benig the "other" woman, and that its his choice to make.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
So...he is having unprotected sex with you AND she doesn't even KNOW about you....
If he really wanted to break up with her, he would. Here's a guy who has so little respect for this woman that he's
  1. lying to her/cheating on her
  2. badmouthing her to others (telling you she doesn't meet his needs) and
  3. using her as a body he likes having sex with.

You'll eventually be more depressed if you continue to lower yourself to someone like this. I think we all recognize these character flaws, and deep down, being with such a person sends a message to ourselves that that's all we're worth.
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