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Old 08-02-2013, 06:56 PM
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Piroska Piroska is offline
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Default Time management issues...

So, I am really really terrible at time management. I have a job that caters to this lack - as long as I get my clients taken care of the boss really doesn't care what time of day or night I do it - and this is fortunate, because I've been fired for being late before, so this nonschedule reduces the chance that; and unfortunate, because it takes the pressure off to learn this necessary skill.

Guy and I have been constantly trying to sort out a schedule that works better than my current non schedule, because he works nights and I work days, and the being late for everything is not helpful. Recently he changed starting times so instead of leaving for work at 2am he leaves at 11pm, so I have less time to muck around getting to work and coming back, because we trade off with the kids and the only time I might get to see him and really spend time with him is after I come home before he leaves - unless I stay late in the morning, but then that kicks off a stream of being even later for everything. And especially once school starts again, I need to be focused on being up and moving and getting the kids to school on time (I have been really terrible at that in past years), not trying to squeeze in a little relationship time.

While we're working on it, and I think we may eventually solve it, cause I really dislike myself when I'm late to everything, all the time, and not just a few minutes late, sometimes hours... but suddenly it's critical.

I met Morp. I like him, he likes me. Guy is processing his comfort levels and insecurities and has established rules to help keep Morp's and my potential relationship developing at a snails pace to allow Guy and me time to settle into a more stable relationship (there was some serious upheaval a few months ago, with divorce a suggested possibility, but we both decided we'd rather stay together and see if we can make this work) and to give him time to figure out if he's really okay with this full fledged poly thing or not, before Morp and I get serious, (if we even would).

One of the problems is the lack of time. Morp works nights too, but he can use his phone at night (Guy can't at his job) so Morp and I chat at night. I was chatting earlier in the day, but it was eating time that I had with Guy, and when he explained how that felt to him, I stopped doing it and now only chat after Guy has left or on weekends. I have my kids most of the weekends except when I go to rehearsals or perform, so usually I try to meet people before or after rehearsals, at performances, etc, as this is the "me time" that I have. This doesn't work for Morp, as he has his kids on the weekends only (divorced), and he's not about to give up even one evening with them (his ex used to withhold the kids when she was mad at him for anything; thankfully she stopped years ago, but still). So far, we've only met in person 2ce; once before I went in to work, once he took me to a long lunch from my job before he had to go in to his job. The problem with either of those times is that if I take time out of my day to go on a long lunch, or go in to work later in the day, I end up coming home later, which cuts into my time with Guy. He feels that doing so is detrimental to our working on our relationship things - and he's right. Not only that, but I am easily distracted, and if I start daydreaming about Morp or Guy or thinking about business things or family things or pretty much anything I can end up wandering off in my head and getting even less work done while I'm at my job, so then I end up staying even later to do the stuff I was supposed to get done.

Regarding weekends - I did think of maybe trying to do family-friendly stuff on weekends; his kids, my kids, Morp, Guy and me, but 1, I think neither man is really ready for that level of family involvement (they're both super protective of their kids), and 2, his kids are a lot older than my kids so I have no idea what would be both family friendly and actually fun for all the kids involved.

So I'm wondering if I need to just forget this whole poly idea (but I don't want to give up Morp! but he might just lose interest in this snails pace thing anyway) until I have a better handle on focusing and time management. Suggestions? Thoughts?
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Old 08-02-2013, 09:55 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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If you have a smart phone start using the handy dandy schedule features in it. Start using the alarm clock.

I manage to juggle my job as a personal assistant to a musician whose bigger in Europe than here in the US. I have to do a lot of business on Berlin time. His home is now here in the US but his bandmates still live in Germany.

I have 2 boys who are 6 and 10. Who play football whose season just starting
. They have practice 2 hours a night. Monday through Friday. Weekends are games. I have to get them fed 2 hours before we go so they don't puke. When school starts there is homework.

My husband works 3pm to 11pm. 7 days straight with 2 days off. Then 8days with 4 days off.

My boyfriend works 6pm to 6am. Two days on two off except the weekend he works he works Friday through Monday.

Both men have shitty schedules yet I manage a 60/40 split of time. I just have to stick to my schedule. I can't go day dreaming or dilly dallying. Even though that is my personality.
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Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
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Old 08-02-2013, 11:27 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is online now
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I schedule the heck out of my day.
Every body up by at the latest 6:45. We are all usually up by 6.
Breakfast at 7 or earlier.
Clothes at 7:20
Bathroom and teeth 7:25.
Shoes and coats, bags etc 7:30
Into the car at 7:40.

So this may be a bit much for a beginner scheduler, but set yourself at least 3 time goals to get out of the house on time.
Either write them up somewhere highly visible or use the alarm on your phone.Tell the kids.
It takes a while to change behavior, are Morp and your Guy worth the effort?
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Old 08-03-2013, 12:08 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Can't help but wonder if you are ADD.
Regardless-alarms, preferably set to go off each time you need to end an activity with one sound and starting new activities a DIFFERENT sound.

But-it only works if you hold yourself accountable.

I am ADD, as is husband, boyfriend and all the kids.
We have a calendar we use together and I use a list and alarms.
Hubby works 7am-3pm with a 1 hr drive each side.
Bf works 1pm-midnight 15 min drive time. He takes "lunch" @ 8pm to tuck kids in and storytime for 1 hr.
I have class Mon/Wed 8am an hr away and time home depends.
Kids have piano Tues 10-11:30.
Swimming thurs 5-7pm.
I homeschool kids so we do classes from 9-3 tues, thurs and fri.
Bf does class with them mon and wed 9-12.
And chores with kids (laundry, dishes, vacuum, etc) 7am-9am m-f
Weekends are family time as a group.
Fri night is "date night" for me and hubby.
Wed evening is "problem solving" if needed.....

U get the picture.
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Old 08-03-2013, 12:16 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Can't help but wonder if you are ADD.
I agree! Try getting treatment for ADHD.
Good luck!
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Old 08-03-2013, 11:33 PM
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Piroska Piroska is offline
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Wow...

So if you all can figure it out, I can too, cause your schedules sound crazier than mine.

I don't have a smart phone; but it reminds me of a project I used to think someone should invent - an ultimate timer, that you could program with everything from daily to weekly to monthly to a specific schedule in the day, etc. Looks like smart phones have maybe eliminated the need for a single purpose device like that. (Maybe I should rethink my opposition to smart phones. I'm pretty sure I would break it... I have bad luck with electronics, especially small ones... but maybe the utility would be worth the risk.)

My problem so far with schedules and plans is that the more specific the schedule is, (so far) the more likely I'll break it/mess it up/get completely off track in less than a week, and by the second week it's back to the mess that it was before. It's like reverse psychology, except the kind that's not useful, cause I really WANT to be able to schedule everything down and pre-think it so I can fit everything in and I'm not running in a daze all day not sure what's when etc. I'm trying to learn a way to make the schedule work for me and make it easier to follow, but not sure how yet.

Definitely, accountability is a problem. Hard to keep the thought in mind that if I focus on one thing at a time, I'll get to the things I want to think about, but it seems like if I just do the things that need to get done I run out of time to do the things I want to do. Which is where scheduling would help so I'd know it was all going to fit in, but so far having a specific schedule makes it harder to stick to. Which is totally messed up I think, so I need to work on that somehow.

Anyway, thanks for all the ideas!! (I might see if there's a self test for ADD somewhere, that's interesting.) It does sound like finding a way to create and stick to a reasonable working schedule is the best way to go, so (since I'm great at making schedules!) I just need to really work on sticking to the schedule.
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