Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-25-2013, 03:25 PM
EGOcentric EGOcentric is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 7
Default in a relationship a woman..a man...and my ego :(

Greetings Guys!

First I wanna say that Im so grateful this place exists

In the real world, my polyamorous relationship is the only one I know of...so talking to someone about my relationship is almost impossible because its almost like we're from two different countries trying to communicate with too totally contradicting dialects.

Now there are of course the two other people in my relationship that may understand my plight but talking to them is like a docter talking to her patient about the same patients situation searching for medical advice.

so here I am...looking for friends in similary situations so I dont feel so alone.



I decided to come back and clarify about my relationship type

I am in a live in situation with a man and a woman
the man has 2 children, the woman has one child and I have two

The man & I's children live with us
The woman's child lives with his dad

The children living in the house ages ranges from 4-8
the child living out of the house is 15

The man and I have been friends since we were 8yrs old (we are now 33 and begun making it more than friends around 6yrs ago)
the man met the woman before we became involved as more than friends
but her and him...and him and I started becoming involved within a week of each other
the man was amazing and remained completely transparent allowing us as women to decide we still wanted to proceed with a relationship despite him being with someone else.

at the time both women were practising bisexuals ..(she has preogressed into a view only bisexual...she likes to look at sexy women pictures..thats about it)
I am still totally open to interactions with another woman although it rarely happens) so since we both likes girls and we both didnt like that we were missing time with him while he was away with the other girl we decided to get together in a 3 way ....

all 3 became sexually involved....we still had one on ones with him..but her and I became volved..sometimes with one on one but they were not nearly as much as our seperate time with him.

eventually we started spending ALOT of time together..switching between houses

eventually we ended up in one house after playing musical houses

living together is pretty decent..we have an ecosystem and everyone plays their part
we have some good times...as friends...like a permanent sleepover

but there is a void...with each women building a relationship and him and very little between ourselves

we end up have an unspoken rivarly/jealousy....

we downgraded calling each other girlfriends to just friends/roommates

like I said the ecosystem works and its largely in part because he is very fair and encourages transparency.

He is an azming balancer

but I am realising that I am really here for the stability it brings....

like what? he & I work in nightclubs for our business
she hates loud noises and prefers staying hom unless its to eat at a restaurant
so I have a permanent free baby sitter..who is freaking awesome with my kids!
our bills are split 3 ways
when one doesnt have there are 2 others to share...
none of us are really connected to our families so we look out for each other ....

but ....heres the but

I have lost interest in being around her
I enjoy the perks..boy do I enjoy the perks
but I want my own place to customize as such
the man is amazing ...and not very demanding on having preferences around the house
but women you know ..we like to claim dominance ...and I have ocd on top of that
so i like things down a specific way and would prefer not to compromise...
especially since Im the neat freak of the lot and she is a self proclaimed slob
.....

I could go on for hours but overall
I am just trying to focus on my blessings make the experience of living together as positive and seemless as possible
while i plan my escape....
I dont hate her...i just dont want to share my universe with her
he is still welcome to date her upon my departure from the trio....
I let forward to having my own little nook and enjoying his time with her as simply me time while he is away on a "buisness" trip lol

I hope that sheds more light on my situation....

oh and at one point i was frustrated by her and I no longer having sex but now Im peaceful about not being with her...
he says we are like two gay boys living together...
it hurts him that her and i have a very cordial wall up but he is very thoughtful about the fact that understands thats where we are right now

Last edited by EGOcentric; 03-25-2013 at 07:22 PM. Reason: I read guidelines for posting intros and realised I didnt give enough info
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-25-2013, 04:04 PM
PhoenixLoch PhoenixLoch is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 15
Default

Hey Ego! Welcome...I am new here as well and right now involved in a three armed vee. It's awesome to have people who can understand and not judge. Enjoy your time here - I certainly am! Everyone so far has been helpful, opinionated :P and awesome!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-25-2013, 04:22 PM
EGOcentric EGOcentric is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 7
Default heidi-ho neighbor

Thank You for getting back!

I have definately learning alot from just reading thru the threads

just curious what is a "three armed vee"

trying to learn the lingo
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-25-2013, 04:35 PM
PhoenixLoch PhoenixLoch is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 15
Default

Hey
I didn't know either! But apparently it's three people in seperate relationships with one person. So my boyfriend has two other girl friends and none of the three girls currently have a relationship with each other. (I think that's it!)
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-25-2013, 06:41 PM
EGOcentric EGOcentric is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 7
Default pblete tables

okay that sounds intriguing....how is it being in that sort of relationship? based on my feelings that seems to be my goal currently

when I first embarked in this lifestyle the man Im involved with had a girlfriend (everyone was in the know) ...her and I decided to not be involved...then we progressed to an all involved but not living together arrangement ...then we progressed to an all involved spending 24 hrs a day together but keeping our own quarters ..then he and I moved in and eventually she moved in...now we are all living together except sexual interactions between the women have ceased..I am still attracted to women and would partake but she has since learned about herself that she is only attracted to women visually...like pretty art pieces but have no desire to touch....we use to claim each other as GF's but over the past yr or so we simmered down the titles to friend/room mate....we're going on 4 yrs in this relationship....I am over it..at first I didnt want to share at all...now i dont mind sharing the man I just dont want to share my personal space lol...id like to have my house and she has her own house and when he visits her It will be like hes on a business trip lol

its funny it seems what you have is what I had but because I didnt want to miss time with him I progressed into more but now Im willing to lose extra time so I can have my universe seperate fom her universe

lol excuse me, I just unloaded on you
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-25-2013, 06:45 PM
EGOcentric EGOcentric is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 7
Default the..situation lol

okay that sounds intriguing....how is it being in that sort of relationship? based on my feelings that seems to be my goal currently

when I first embarked in this lifestyle the man Im involved with had a girlfriend (everyone was in the know) ...her and I decided to not be involved...then we progressed to an all involved but not living together arrangement ...then we progressed to an all involved spending 24 hrs a day together but keeping our own quarters ..then he and I moved in and eventually she moved in...now we are all living together except sexual interactions between the women have ceased..I am still attracted to women and would partake but she has since learned about herself that she is only attracted to women visually...like pretty art pieces but have no desire to touch....we use to claim each other as GF's but over the past yr or so we simmered down the titles to friend/room mate....we're going on 4 yrs in this relationship....I am over it..at first I didnt want to share at all...now i dont mind sharing the man I just dont want to share my personal space lol...id like to have my house and she has her own house and when he visits her It will be like hes on a business trip lol

its funny it seems what you have is what I had but because I didnt want to miss time with him I progressed into more but now Im willing to lose extra time so I can have my universe seperate fom her universe

lol excuse me, I just unloaded on you
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-25-2013, 07:25 PM
EGOcentric EGOcentric is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 7
Default

I updated my intro with more info on my scenerio....

do you like the way your scenerio is now?

what you have is what I am interested in creating
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-25-2013, 11:08 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 5,364
Default

Hello EGOcentric,
Welcome to our forum.

I like your intro, it explains a lot and it sounds like you have had a good poly relationship so far.

Correct me if I am wrong, but it sounds like there is some tension between you and the other woman, largely because of sharing a domicile together and the two of you just have different styles of housekeeping and that. So, you are thinking about moving out and getting your own flat, but you'll still continue in your romantic involvement with the guy, and continue as friends with the other lady? Correct me on any points I'm mistaken on.

Right now, it sounds like you have a V relationship: He is romantically involved with each of you ladies, but the ladies are just friends. That makes him the "hinge of the V," and the ladies the "arms of the V." It sounds like you previously had a triad; that is, all three of you were romantically involved with each other. V's and triads are probably the two most common "shapes of poly families," but there are many others (quads, Z's, etc.). I would actually call a three-armed V a "Y."

I hope you will enjoy our site, and learn a lot on our various threads. Post if you have any thoughts or questions you want to share.

Regards,
Kevin T.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-26-2013, 12:14 AM
PhoenixLoch PhoenixLoch is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 15
Default

Kevin - I love "Y"! It fits thanks!!

Ego - my situation is new for me. I am happy right now, but I don't have to share him while he is on my coast. He goes west in May and then the two others will share him while we attempt to stay in touch as much as we can until 18 months when he moves east again. So my situation is a bit bizarre. :P Hopefully over the next few months, my SO will explain me to the others and cross fingers I will be able to visit in the summer to start to get to know them too who knows though! It's all up in the air!!!! LOL

Good luck with your decision Ego it sounds like you really need your own space I hope it all goes well for you xxx
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03-26-2013, 03:58 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 5,364
Default

Re:
Quote:
"Kevin -- I love "Y!" It fits thanks!"
You're warmly welcome.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:50 AM.