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Old 08-01-2013, 07:49 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

My husband felt that way too. He was ok with the sex idea-but not the emotional attachment.
But-she can never guarantee you that her heart won't get involved.
There is A LOT written on that topic on this forum. I would start reading if i were you.
Because if you allow for sex-you better be prepared for emotional attachment.

Check out morethantwo.com. I think he has a few articles on that precise topic.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 08-02-2013, 05:04 AM
arkle arkle is offline
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 7

Morethantwo is superbly written and gives reasoned and thoughtfull insight as to whether or not this path is workable for some and not for others. Once again LR, thankyou so much for the feedback and direction.

I do know that if the topic come's up again, from my perspective there will be the benefit of a greater understanding on the subject and the 'realities'. I think it's sad if one partner cannot not feel secure enough to express their desires with the other and I would want my GF to express her's and feel comfortable about doing so. This has really helped.
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Old 08-02-2013, 10:53 AM
Ltmusicdude Ltmusicdude is offline
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 8

So you mentioned something along the lines of you don't know what to say or what she might want to hear? You and her should both be able to sit down and talk about the entire issue completely without being afraid of each other's reaction. You personally should also probably meet with this guy at some point, It's a somewhat unsettling thing to just kind of wonder who the guy your sweetie is meeting up with is like. Meeting the guy, talking to, and getting to know him will help you be okay with their potential emotional connection in a bigger way than you might think.

Another big thing to focus on is NOT focusing on their relationship. A curious "how are you and so-and-so?" here or there is fine but stop yourself if you find yourself wondering about every interaction they have. If you and her care about each other as you say you do then focus on your own beautiful relationship, and be happy for her being happy. Take joy in whatever makes her happy (unless it's something particularly damaging to her that is) and remember that just because he makes her happy doesn't mean you don't make her happy.

On the same note of not focusing on their relationship too much, and this is just a personal rule of mine that I have found helpful, never ever ever ever attempt to quantify love to yourself or anyone else. Don't ask yourself or her if she loves him more than you or anything of that nature. Try not to allow yourself to wonder that either because the simple answer is she doesn't know and neither does he, or you for that matter. Love is nearly impossible to quantify and if you attempt to quantify it then you will only get problems out of it. In short don't focus on how much anybody loves each other, focus simply on that she loves you and you love her. Focus on the fact that the love exists, not on how much of it there is.

I'm not sure if this helps or even hits on whatever issue you might be having but I hope things go well for you anyway. I kind of got carried away but you should start with being completely unafraid of each other's reactions.
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Old 08-02-2013, 08:30 PM
GoldCoCouple GoldCoCouple is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 4

None of you are poly...(at least not yet). And he needs a FWB? It sounds like YOU are at least interested in being poly, but that doesn't mean that they are. It sounds like she wants to take him for a test drive just to try him out, and that's 'swinging' to me or an 'open' relationship or maybe even cuckold, but not really poly.

Communicate, communicate, communicate. If you can't talk about this, then how many other things can you or have you not talked about. Do you love her enough to risk losing her and do you trust her enough to know you won't?
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Old 08-04-2013, 06:40 AM
arkle arkle is offline
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 7

Well..we had a really great talk about everything. There were misconseptions about where we were both coming from and it was wonderfull to clear the air. GF was worried that I was somehow in favor of our relationship being 'casual'. I was also able to express my concerns about her feelings ( not wanting to stand in the way) and how difficult it must be for her to relate them to me, given the circumstances. Whatever transpires from here,we will be going into it more understanding and with eyes wide open.
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