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  #51  
Old 11-11-2013, 12:32 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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That is terrible news about Prof's partner S. What a shock.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #52  
Old 11-11-2013, 05:08 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Thanks Mags.
It's hard to know what to do. I am thinking the best thing is to simply keep out of the way, let him contact me when he needs to talk or needs a break. She has lots of family in the area, they have a network of friends, they both have a lot of support.
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  #53  
Old 11-14-2013, 12:49 AM
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Today is Wednesday, Prof texted to confirm on Sunday, but I haven't heard from him since, I did text yesterday as I will have the kids. A case of quiet night with tv or cancel. No response. I can only imagine what is going on, none of it good.

Kip, I won't be seeing until Friday. I have taken some time off Friday morning because of the concert and the fact I am frazzled.

New Guy, will be seeing at the concert tomorrow and maybe over the weekend. the dude has free weekends! A man with weekends, it could be crunch time with the other 2.

I had another weekend with virtually no contact from Kip or Prof, I am secondary While that has been ok for a while, the weekend thing never has been. So while it is early days with new guy, what is on offer is more aligned with what I want and get from the other 2. I think I want to give it a go.

Very thought provoking initial post from "Shipwrecked" about polyships. Made me have a real think.

No sudden moves yet, I am not all caught up in NRE, but definitely open to the possibility of change. I want to go out and have fun, no rules, no restrictions, just organize something and go.
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  #54  
Old 11-17-2013, 05:04 PM
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The concert was fabulous, he played a 3 hour set. I was so moved by the music. Simply wonderful. I was very glad I took the morning off work as I didn't get back to 1:30 am.

New guy is fun to hang out with, he did make a few comments about not usually dating "tall skinny" girls, he likes them "chubby and short". Fabulous 3 of them. I get we all have a preferred type, but do we need to point out how the other person does not fit into that!

New guy loves to text. He is very good at it, very sweet, full of compliments, totally highlighted how crap I am at expressing myself.

Apropos of this...Prof came round Wednesday. Said lots of sweet complimentary things, I replied with yes, very kind and thank-you. Thought about it after he left, and sent a text saying I found him very attractive, considered out time together important and special too, and that I should have said so at the time.

I am so lacking in this skill. I am good at verbally praising and being appreciative of acts and behaviours, but terribly poor at the general physical and personality type compliments. I understand that people like them, I like to hear them! But find it hard to spontaneously come out with similar.
Funny how dating highlights the flaws.

Prof has found himself a job to do with S. It is connected with one area of his research and could genuinely help. I am glad he has found a focus for his energy and mind. He is a solutions based person and needs to be constructive. I saw a difference in him on Weds, a bit more positive.
I do wonder at the lack of interaction between us between meetings.

Dirtclustit necroed an old post from a tertiary struggling with the commitments of her 2 BFs who were in existing primary type relationships. Much thought on this and the replies.

I don't really feel an much of an emotional connection to Prof. I am forever contemplating breaking up with him. I feel somewhat duped with the rules, and being told that they were working at relaxing them and removing a few. It hasn't happened and is not likely too at this point. I don't think trying to renegotiate is an option at this time either. So I it let it drag on. Of course the whole situation with S means I feel like breaking up with him right now would be doubly hurtful. I like him, enjoy his company, he says I am important to him and our time is special. I think I don't feel and have never felt that he would be there for me if I needed him. His responsibility is to S first.

Funny that Kip is in the same situation, but I do feel like he would make time for me in a crisis, as long as it was Monday-Friday 8-5:50. I know I could call him after hours if I needed to. I have never felt that with Prof.
Maybe I could talk to him, but again feel that it was adding a burden to an already overloaded person.

And I have noticed the connection with my lack of communication and not having needs met. The man is not psychic. I will say something this week, "there is no try, only do or do not." Yoda.

Kip is very interested in New Guy, firmly in the camp of not telling him about him and Prof until he asks. Kip said he is happy to wait on the sidelines if I want to pursue in a mono style, laughing hysterically was the implication. He thinks there is no way one man will keep me happy. Yo and Prof have also said the same.

But interesting view from the couple-centric side of the fence. Kip does not want me to have anal with new guy, said my "ass is his". As we are nowhere near that point I avoided answering, haven't even got naked yet. Haven't talked STD status. More conversation needed. Argh, any conversation needed.
I need to take a communication class, this is really getting pathetic.
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  #55  
Old 11-19-2013, 03:13 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Operation Share More...
Going slowly....
Kip: I really love holding you and being together.
Me:
Kip: This has become the most special part of being together.
Me:
Kip:Is this ok for you? Are you comfortable? I know cuddling is not your favorite thing.
Me:yes
Moments later after remembering to this weeks "share more" goal..Me: me too

I tried texting Prof about the lack of connection thing, got as far as...I think we don't have much of a connection outside of meeting time. Then got distracted by smut

Add to this, I was giving my neighbour a ride. He doesn't drive so I often give him a ride to the bus station and appointments.

He vented all the way to the bus station, and said you are the best free psychiatrist, you listen and never say much.

On the plus side, I am good listener.
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  #56  
Old 11-23-2013, 01:02 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Had a bit of chat of a chat with Prof about the emotional connection thing. He said he has heard that before, out of sight is out of mind and doesn't communicate regularly with anyone outside of things he has to do for work.
He said I should call him if i needed him but the implication was not to if he couldn't help in a practical way. He added that he enjoyed the fact I was relatively drama free as he has more than enough with S right now.
We had a super fun play session on Tuesday and quiet night Weds. He should have mentioned that we see each other in the flash quite a lot. I was thinking that later. I see him more than anyone else apart from one work person!


I also asked him what he wanted to know about my seeing other people, he nothing apart from condom use. Was a bit surprised that I had been seeing someone else apart from Kip.

Kip wants to know all the juicy details, not that there are any at this point. He was asking all sorts of questions and there was a hint of jealousy, I thought. One one hand he is happy I am having fun on the hand not so happy it is with a man. But I did clarify that he wants to be told what is going on.

So one tell wants me to tell all, one tell nothing.

I have a date with new guy tonight, sex is not the table but a nice restaurant and a drink is.

I don't think we can actually get naked time until December. It's nice to go slowly.

Work friend thinks I should do 50's dating and not tell him about the other 2 until he asks. Do not assume exclusivity until it is discussed. He thinks I should not make the other a 2 a priority as I am not a priority for them.
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  #57  
Old 11-27-2013, 10:19 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I broke up with new guy last night.
I told him we could go out for a wee bit Tuesday and then a late night Saturday. But when I felt it was time for me to go he started asking the why questions. Why are you leaving? Why can't your parents look after the kids in the morning? Not the first time we have had this conversation, every time I have to go he starts on about it. "Can't you just pay the sitter double time and stay out later?"

We had a nice smooch in the parking lot and then when I am home he sends me a text about not "attacking" him enough. Apparently I should have been more over him in public. I already told him I not into huge grope sessions in public.

Plus he lives with his mum and has no intention of moving of moving out, he sleeps on the couch in the living room. While I think it is great he is taking care of his mum, I am not doing all the hosting around at my place. I dated some one before who lived with his mother to take care of her, So he was always round and my place, with the dog, ( such a sweetie but this is not a huge apartment) demolishing the contents of the fridge and wanting to watch tv.

The red flags were waving for a while but I really liked him.
I did the bad thing and broke up by text. It was after 12 and everyone here was asleep. He sent some mean texts, said I was leading him on, he adored me and I was cruel to him, he is devastated and I am a terrible communicator. This was date #5.

I feel bad. I really do. I simply cannot be what he is looking for. Late nights, flexible schedule, sleep over host and unrestrained in public.

I am so tired today, very down, I snapped at mum and she got all upset. She was telling me that I need to be more on top of cleaning out the fridge. I was very sorry, she was only trying to care. I already felt like a failure.

I have to get ready to meet Prof. At least he lets me to go to sleep when I am tired and then potters about doing his own thing. Never complained once.

This is what dating is about, no? You meet, go out a few times and then come to the point where you think things will work out or things will not. Someone's feelings get hurt if they aren't on the same page. I feel like a heel. But better now than later, no?
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  #58  
Old 11-29-2013, 08:04 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Very fun night with Prof.
We had a lot of communication type talking, if that makes sense. Discussing how we communicate. He pointed out that I am an "initiator" I ask questions, am a positive listener, but rarely say, "I need to discuss something." All my training has been as a receiver of information and reflecting, not actually putting my own thoughts out there.

S has has asked him to shut down adding new partners or dating for the time being. I must admit I thought that would include shutting down me too. I didn't actually ask if that had been discussed. But am pleased that we are still ok.

I do appreciate how flexible he is and understanding about the ex, who is still couch surfing and not taking the kids.

Also, I feel asleep at about 11:30. I asked him if it ever bothers him that I struggle to stay up late. He said no, as we usually have long play sessions, we tend to start that earlier and then do dinner or what not after. Works fine for him, then he also gets time to catch up work stuff and watch me sleep And I wake up early and want morning sex, which he loves.

Prof has me, and infrequent partner "L". That is it for now.
He asked me what I told my parents about my relationships. I said I am seeing 2 people who also have other partners. They haven't really asked much, which is unusual but a bit of a relief.

Kip and I have IMing as per usual. It is weird not having seen him for nearly 2 weeks.
I decided to not be a slave to scheduling for a few days, he thought I was smoking crack , it was funny seeing him push for me to plan. I am stuck until I know what the ex is doing. Paying for the extra daycare would be crippling again, so I am not rushing to book that until i know more. That means I can't schedule in Kip, so why stress it for a few days? Apparently that is out of character for me.

I did sit and think about the crazy scheduling and I have only been like this since the kids started school. There are too many activities to not keep organized, such is singelish mummy life.
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  #59  
Old 12-04-2013, 01:03 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I am seeing Kip tomorrow, taking the afternoon off. We both think it would be nice to reconnect with a longer block of time. We have been IMing regularly but it is not the same as face-to-face time.

Prof came round last night to meet the parents, he picked me up and took me out. He bought a couple of bourbons round to my place to try, which dad enjoyed.

The ED issue occurred again. We have discussed it a little on previous occasions, stress, lack of food etc he is on meds and has been for a while. I didn't want to talk about it again. I get that it happens, but I do find it disappointing.

I removed Yo from my sig. We were supposed to meet last week for lunch. I gave him a ping the week before but couldn't be bothered to chase him up again. I am happy to see him when it suits but not going to put much effort into. There is no chance I would reconnect on a FWB basis.
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Last edited by Atlantis; 12-04-2013 at 01:09 AM.
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  #60  
Old 12-05-2013, 01:35 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Bittersweet meeting with Kip today, lots of good play time, then the news that is he is away for nearly 2 weeks over Xmas and New Year. So we will only get to see each other for a few more hours before he is away. It was a funny conversation, he asked about Prof which he rarely does. It was so out of character that I asked if he was feeling jealous. He said not jealous that Prof is seeing me but jealous of the time that he has with me. It was bit sad really.
I asked again if we could play tennis and he said no, he didn't want to waste time like that.He explained the time we have is so limited that he simply wants to be with me. Time, time, time. He even cancelled a golf game to make today happen. I was flattered in the extreme
Much of the conversation was about time. My schedule is jammed for the next few weeks. I am soooooo glad I am not taking a class over December, smart move. But jammed schedule+plus couch surfing ex means we won't be able to see each other much.
I was touched that he expressed dissatisfaction with the amount of time. He is usually is more laid back with a "We will make it work," attitude. For him to actually say he was jealous over time is quite a big thing.
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