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  #41  
Old 10-10-2013, 11:21 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I had a phone chat with Kip, about half an hour. We rarely talk on the phone, we either see each other in person or chat online. He spent an inordinate amount of time ripping my accent. Apparently he had forgotten about it since we haven't seen each other in over a week and took great delight in repeating things and comparing me to Monty Python characters. Fabulous. Nothing makes me happier. However, it is sweet that he picked up the phone. It is rare we don't see other weekly.
I have my night with Prof this evening. I had to do a swap I spent most of the day convinced it was Wednesday as that is usually his night. We were going to do a bonus night last night but he didn't finish work until 10 and I was already in bed. I really have to stick to only one late night during the week.

Was chatting a bit about poly with a co-worker. Our birthday's are 1 day apart, so we were discussing presents, I said one boyfriend paid for my concert tickets and I don't know about the other. He knows I have 2 boyfriends, which BTW answers my own question as how to I refer to them, "boyfriend" seems to work fine for general use.

He asked how that worked, was very surprised when I said they had met, had a cup of tea and a chat, I didn't mention the 3way part of the meeting I said it was not cheating, we all know about each other, I haven't met their partners but everyone is aware.

I am fairly "out" . My family knows, friends, a couple of co-workers who are friends too and the tech guy at work, we tell each other everything, in gory detail. It's a hoot. Interesting on-going BDSM discussions. He is not into it but is interested in hearing and asks questions.

I am trying to take my own advice and not mess with things. Number 1 on my list is weekends. will...not....mess.....
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Me: 40s female
Kip: 50s male, married.
Prof: 50s male.
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  #42  
Old 10-15-2013, 01:26 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Sailing along smoothly.
Had a nice time with Kip today. He was in a very silly mood and spent more time laughing and playing than anything else. He called it MSR, massive sperm retention, the male equivalent of PMS! He is very busy at work and took the opportunity to blow off a little steam. It was nice to laugh and relax, I was incredibly stressed this afternoon and it all melted away.
Prof is due for a very short visit tomorrow. I personally doubt he will make it. He had to cancel Weds this week due to work commitments. I am touched that he is trying to make a little time, but he will be flying in and leaving again the next day, I think he needs to take a few minutes to go home and get grounded before leaving again. Of course I want to see him but I don't want to be a drain on over taxed resources.
We are all overwhelmed with work, I have school in addition, it is a struggle to make time to just have fun, hopefully things will calm down again soon, but the relationships are all good.
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Kip: 50s male, married.
Prof: 50s male.
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  #43  
Old 10-17-2013, 02:41 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Prof did make it, for a little over an hour. He was obviously tired, but I was touched that he made the effort, we kissed, cuddled and chatted a bit, then he went home. I won't see him again till probably Weds next week.

Kip and I made it to the one year mark. He came round again today, he said to make up for Monday, the laugh fest. I said there was no need to make up for anything. Monday was fun, but was very glad to see him.

So this also marks one year of learning about open and then onto poly type relationships. Very interesting and educational journey it has been/is being.
Both the guys would say they are in open relationships, but it is polydeeplycare (all one word) for me. I cannot define romantic love, I have read many definitions. NYCIndie posted a good one on a thread which resonated with me. I should try and dig it up.

Today's visit with Kip was quite extended. We had a long early dinner. He asked me if I had anymore questionnaires for class, he said he enjoyed doing them and me asking him questions about his work. That was probably one of 3 questions he asked me, the rest was share, share, share.
Prof is the same, once he gets going share, share, share. I am bad but I have timed them. Once they start, they can go for about an hour and a half. I shit you not. It's like being at work but I don't get paid.

It is not all one-sided. I was quite surprised how insightful Kip was in completing my questionnaires, he might not have any idea of how many siblings I have, but he has a very good handle on many of my personality traits.

I care deeply for them both. They treat me with kindness and I hope they would say I show kindness to them too.

On a different note. I am having doubts about Prof's birthday present. He has a calendar page from 2009 with a picture on it of something he enjoys. I got a nearly poster size giclee copy of it, but the colors are different to his one. He is quite particular about certain things. Now I think this was a bad idea. What do you do with a large art piece that you don't like? Like horrible lamps form your mother-in-law. Should I keep it and get something different?
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Kip: 50s male, married.
Prof: 50s male.
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  #44  
Old 10-23-2013, 12:40 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Prof seemed genuinely pleased with the print. He said he was going to put it where I thought it would go, nice
Kip was a bit of a git and ignored my messages on Friday. We had a vague plan to meet but he did not reply when I tried to firm it up. Did not reply till Monday! Bit rude I thought, turns out he was having a difficult weekend with his wife and did not feel like replying. hmmmmmk.
I did bring up that he likes a quick response and will make multiple phone calls and BUZZ on IM if he doesn't get a reply. I usually reply to most things within the hour. Retort to that? Yes, there is a double standard and that's how it is. Bit of a laugh, at least he admitted to it.
Prof brought up the rules yesterday. Another partner committed what S took to be a violation and she had a melt down.
I asked why they had all these rules in the first place. He said they didn't have any in the beginning but outside partners lacked personal boundaries, and it seemed better to approach new people with some rules in place. Makes sense.
Yes, I am in a agreeable mood, lots of lots or really good sex over the past few days.
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Kip: 50s male, married.
Prof: 50s male.
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  #45  
Old 10-26-2013, 02:34 AM
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I had a bad day yesterday.
I had agreed to help a work colleague/friend with a personal project, a large project. It turned into basically "can you do it?" I slaved over it at the weekend, and had already put hours into it previously, then on Tuesday my own work schedule blew up and I found out some things about the ex and alcohol which will require lawyer time and court. I told the colleague that I really couldn't be responsible for the project, I could help but I was overloaded for the time being. He did not take it well, he ended up hanging up on me and then left a mean spirited voicemail.
I ended up in alomst in tears in the car and after not getting through to the support network, I IMed Kip. He was in a meeting but said tell me what's up? He was a great support, said I was not being unreasonable about backing out of the project and said that offering help was good but not wanting to be responsible for virtually the entire thing, did not make me a bad friend.
I rarely say no. I agonized over the decision even down to contemplating delaying my next class to help the guy. Kip pointed out that I am a single parent with 2 small kids, alcoholic unreliable ex, full-time job and Master's program and no family to physically help. That put it into perspective.
He called after the meeting too. Not bad for a guy who said no to emotional attachment way back when.
This all ties in to ColorsWolfs thread about open relationships and limits.
I am surprised at how far Kip and I have come with healthy attachment and support.
Kip asked me today if I miss him. I said I won't admit to that, would he? He said yes, I miss you. I saw him twice last week and once this week, but this week time was short. It is hard for me to ask for help but he has been there for me on more than one occasion.
I saw Prof 4 times this week. Very handy being 10 minutes away. He seems to enjoy popping round after the kids are asleep for a cup of tea, chat and bit of tv. Of course we had our regular evening and sleep over too.
Considering I see him faaaaar more than Kip, I didn't even contemplate calling him on Thursday. I suppose I knew he would be busy, but I didn't even try.
Why not? I don't think I have even been stressed or out of sorts when I see him, he always gets the calm, stable me, which I am most of the time. In times of crisis I turn to family, time difference allowing, friends, work schedule allowing. It's me. As I have noted before, it takes a long time for me to open up, it is easier in writing, so I suppose as Kip and I IM incessantly, he gets to know the side of me that I don't often verbalize. Yo has experienced a few meltdowns via text.
Prof is a dear. He is like me in that we are best at offering practical help. My work laptop is on the fritz again. I am typing on his spare right now. I made us dinner last night, I used bottled vinaigrette, he offered to make me a batch of his home made vinaigrette. I shared some of my concerns over the ex and the booze. He said he can get some papers that will help when I meet the lawyer. He says I am a very strong woman. I haven't shared that I feel like Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill. We text but I don't really share. He just texted me a funny news story. It's on me. I keep coming back to the same issue, I am not good at sharing emotions.
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Kip: 50s male, married.
Prof: 50s male.
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  #46  
Old 10-27-2013, 04:27 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...sh-single-poly


Very interesting read and also comments section. I particularly related the comments about veto. A poster rated veto as buckets a-c. Prof and S have C, the blanket veto.
I see others on here have relationship restrictions, particularly those in primary type relationships. I wonder if I am over-reacting. there are only a few that actively irritate me. No vacations, no weekends away and veto.

I read the solopoly.net blog regularly.

…"Solo polys, though, often do not want what primary romantic partnership has to offer. Instead of trying to weasel their way into a primary role or hoping to undermine an established relationship, most solo polys simply want a full and equal voice in the conduct of their own relationships.”

Yup, yup, yup.
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Me: 40s female
Kip: 50s male, married.
Prof: 50s male.

Last edited by Atlantis; 10-27-2013 at 05:38 AM.
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  #47  
Old 10-29-2013, 11:57 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Terribly tired.
I had to take one of my cats to the vet last night, a late night for all of us. She is still unwell 5 days to see if things improve.

Work is crazy busy.

I think I got a "B" on my last class, just didn't have the time to focus more.
The next one is last the last till internship section, hopefully it will be slightly more spread out. I have items due every 4 days with posted discussions, so it is difficult to crank out a bunch and then sit on them for a while. I should try and do something now

I had a couple of hours with Kip yesterday, my selfish me-time. It is his selfish him-time too, we agree on that. Next week isn't looking good for selfish me-time.

He has been very supportive of me recently. I feel at the end of my rope. My friend commented that the steady truckers need a crash and burn every once in a while. This is not like me, I just get on with things. Kip said I put on a good front, a true assessment. He can be quite insightful at times.

I haven't had much contact with Prof, just the odd text. I assume I will be seeing him tomorrow. I don't feel much in the mood right now.

I have some good things to look forward to this weekend, my event thing with Yo. Concert in 2 weeks and the parents in less than 3.

I also have a POF date on Friday, if the ex takes the kids, and chatting to another nice man as well.

Early night for me I think.
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Kip: 50s male, married.
Prof: 50s male.
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  #48  
Old 11-02-2013, 05:42 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Still feeling fragile...
Got an A- in class, so that was ok. I am very glad there is only one before I skip December.

The fun event is next week not this, I still haven't printed the tickets out. This is good, I was going to wear a costume but ran out of time and energy to get it together. So the extra week let me order some things from ebay.
Prof cancelled Wednesday, I was quite relieved, it gave me time to catch up on life. Once the house was sorted then I felt I could focus on school work.

I find it hard to function in a mess, I find order and cleanliness to be calming. This does not however extend to my closets or files. I like clean and clear surfaces. If i can shut a closet door on it so much the better

I saw Kip again on Wednesday, fun sex and lunch, it was great. I am taking it as trying to be kind to me time.

I had the POF date last night, we meet at 8:30, had a drink played pool and then a little after 10 my body decided it was time to go home and go to bed. He then texted, had a fun night etc, and he was at a local live music place, wished I was there with him. He didn't actually mention it when we were together and even then I would have declined and gone home. So then he asked why I was going to bed at 11 on a Friday night. I replied single working mum, tired and have things to do. "Why was I tired if I didn't have the kids?".
He asked that twice. I didn't respond the second time and went to sleep.

This is such a big thing for me. I posted before about telling Prof I can't do 2 late nights a week. I am a big sleeper. 8 hours is really the minimum and it is rarely uninterrupted. I think non-parents can't quite grasp the fact being woken up 4 times a night by little kids means 8 hours can feel like 2. and do that night after night....when I do get a chance to sleep alone and uninterrupted it is a gift. I didn't feel like I should have to explain that to someone I only met once. Single working mum, tired and have things to do should suffice. Sensitive ME?????yes.
So he texted a few minutes ago.. I think I should give it a go, I am aware that I am taking things quite personally and feeling defensive.
We didn't discuss relationships and what we are looking for, which was nice. I am going with non-exclusive. I don't feel like sharing much else. I am open to being mono at some point, maybe...
I am going out for dinner with my best friend tonight, we rarely get to spend time together without the kids and she works Saturday, so Sunday tends to be family time. Her hubby and kid are out of town for the weekend so the mummies get to play!
Prof is alone and in town this Sunday, which is rare. He was supposed to be flying out on Sunday but that is cancelled, so we might get to spend some day time together. I don't think we have done that before.
But before the fun starts... I have to get back to floors, beds, laundry, banks, studying
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Me: 40s female
Kip: 50s male, married.
Prof: 50s male.
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  #49  
Old 11-09-2013, 03:37 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I got back on my feet in time for the next round life slapping you upside the head.
A death, very young, 17, victim of violence. Kip to the rescue with tea, biscuits and a shoulder to cry on. It is always hard to lose one so young. It's an ongoing shock.
I'm not sure if it is my place to write the next part, but it will be coloring things for some time to come. S is unwell. Prognosis is bleak. I saw Prof briefly last night, obviously upset. My lover's lover is dying.
We went out on Weds before it was confirmed. He asked me to provide distraction, give him a break from the stress. I let him know I am here for him and also fine to keep well out of the way, whatever it is he needs.
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Kip: 50s male, married.
Prof: 50s male.
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  #50  
Old 11-09-2013, 03:58 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Kip is being an incredible support. I'm not entirely sure how he ended up in this role. He just seems to be around when things are tough and able to drop what he is doing to help out.
I had a second date with the new guy. We like each other Still not talked relationships. We are texting a lot, and the conversation turned to BDSM. He says he is into light play, blindfolds, light restraint and being Dom. He hasn't asked what I have done. Hahaha. I didn't offer up any information. Prof, Kip and Yo have all commented that I come across as ultra restrained and vanilla in the real world but very adventurous when naked. Best to let these things come out slowly, I think.
New Guy is coming to the concert with me next week. He knows the artist and is very keen. Prof pulled out due to S.
Yo pulled out of today's event due to a funeral, yet more bad news. I am taking the kids with me. Mummy has green 60's back-combed hair and and a very sparkly outfit, complete with silver go-go boots They think I look pretty, I did a test run last night to show Prof when he came round. It was a weird moment. We went from fun costumes to S is terminal. It's a shock, I am in shock.
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Kip: 50s male, married.
Prof: 50s male.
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