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  #31  
Old 09-21-2013, 12:42 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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http://www.pseudodictionary.com/sear...owsestart=1150

Frankendating:

frankendating - Dating three or more people at once so each can fulfill needs the others cannot.

e.g., I'm frankendating right now. Pat is athletic, but not very smart. So I date Alex for intellectual stimulation. But, since Alex doesn't like foreign films, I also date Chris.


I lol at some of them. I only looked at the "F" page.

frankicide - When a frankfurter can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill onto the coals.

frankincense - The enticing smell of hot dogs on the grill.

and totally apropo for me...

frankenpaper - 1. Research paper, article, story, treatment, analysis, etc., at that awkward stage where it is more or less a mish-mash of outlines, quotations, citations, and (usually) vague ideas. 2. A paper or story that is rejected or censured, or earns a rotten grade. (Metaphorically rising off its slab and killing its creator.)
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  #32  
Old 09-22-2013, 02:19 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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OKC guy, while initially stating he is open to open relationships, is in fact, not.
He is looking for "the one." He currently has a couple of "booty calls", but wants to stop that and focus on "one special person." It was a very fun night despite the differing relationship goals. I am still quite happy to sail solo.
Ah well, worth a try.

Later that same evening Prof arrives. We discussed online dating, possibility of going mono if the right person came along etc, he said he wouldn't want me to go mono, for very selfish reasons. lol.

Then he got into this monologue about love and veto. He cannot say he loves me cause that would be a veto. he cannot let it appear to S that loves me cause that would be a veto. He got into gesturing. Here is the line, here is love, here is strong emotional connection. I feel I am here,( gestures to the love side) but can only admit to be being here, ( strong emotional connection side. "Understand?"

Just like me telling Kip, " I was going to say I love you but thought you'd misunderstand."

Funny, we are struggling with the "L" word.

Additionally, he said he hoped I notice he is trying with the time thing. Er,yes, I have seen him 4 nights this week. And thought we did a lot of fun stuff together and are planning the weekend trip. Yes we do and are.

I need to appreciate what I have got a lot more.
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  #33  
Old 09-22-2013, 02:04 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Hang on. Prof's wife S wants to have a weekend long date with one of her "FBs?" But he can't have one with you?

I know you like the sex, but I'd step away til he and his wife get their shit straightened out. Being relegated to a pseudo-fuck buddy with DADT rules, when, face it, you're really lovers, would drive me up a wall.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, poly, 59, loving and living with
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  #34  
Old 09-22-2013, 06:17 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Thanks for the input.
Prof has a gf, not wife. They do not live together. Now that she is dating she wants to renegotiate their rules. A case of going at the speed of the slowest. He told me about the restrictions in the beginning, he was very clear about what was available and I went along with it. So it is me that is now is making waves.
I did bring this up the other night. I said I realize that he was clear about what was available, I have it in text, email and conversations and now I am asking for more which is not terribly fair. He said he wasn't expecting the relationship to go along this path, but is happy that it is, and is trying to accommodate me. I can see that he is. I have seen him 4 nights this week.
It has been a long time since it was only once a week, which was the original plan.
Prof has offered a weekend away but we haven't sat down with the calendars yet.

Kip is married with the DADT. All is going smoothly there.

The past few months have been an immense personal challenge to myself when it comes to relationships and communication.
Even blogging and posting on the forums is part of the challenge, to be more communicative and put forward opinions. I find it extremely hard to share personal feeling and ideas outside of family and close friends. I have been greatly inspired by the blogs and forums to push my limits but it is uncomfortable and the self-reflection is hard work.

I have no problem walking away from relationships. I have left every adult romantic relationship I have had bar one, and that was in college. Waving big red flag!

I was fairly happy to let Kip walk away after the 3some issues, but instead decided to suck it up and try to work it out. I am glad that I did, but it was like pulling off fingernails. He was surprised that I made the effort.

Same with Prof, I could have walked away many times, he maintains that I have dumped him once already. I said we weren't really dating so it doesn't count
But instead of walking away, I am trying to speak up and work on issues. He said it is funny watching me try to get out things that are on my mind.

As part of my classes I am completing questionnaires regarding my interpersonal relationships with adults, I am spending hours a day reflecting on my own behavior and also getting input from friends, the guys and family.

Everyone is coming back with the same points. Poor communication, emotionally restrained, appears unfriendly, cold, stand-offish with adults, takes a long time for me to open up. The average is a year plus.
On the positive side, I am compassionate, hard working, loyal, lots of good things came up too.

This is hard to write, picking at scabs....

So I set up 2 relationships where I could continue this pattern. 2 men who very clearly stated that they are emotionally and physically unavailable. Looking for NSA sex. Both clearly stated that love was not an option and would be a deal breaker.

Then I find polyamory.com. Read Opening Up. I have been on every website imaginable. Read pages and pages of past forum posts. And decide that I am going to try and work on how I manage relationships and myself.

I have moved the goal posts for both Kip, Prof and myself. I think they are both dealing admirably with it.

Kip gets the never ending questions. We have IM open all day every day. I read something, have a think, then fire off a barrage of questions at him. He says he enjoys it, never knows what I going to come up with. I appreciate his honesty and forthright opinions. I kind of, sort of, told him that I love him. He said he loved me too, straight up; not kind of, sort of.

Prof gets the face-to-face communication experiments.
His and S's rules were set-up for NSAs outside of the primary relationship 2 years ago. and were working fairly well for them, but he decided he wanted a stronger connection with sex partners and we met.
I agreed to the rules, then started picking at them, asking for changes.

He kind of, sort of told me he loved me. He has been kind of, sort of saying it for a few weeks. My response varies from hmmmmm to I enjoy spending time with you too. I am so crap. When it comes up again I will try to be more responsive.

Just the thought of having 2 declarations of love out in the open is hard. Makes me vulnerable, not in control, Chicken Little, the sky is falling down, back off, walk away.

It is me that has done the 180 with both of them. Gone from NSA to trying for loving relationships.
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  #35  
Old 09-24-2013, 02:24 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Did I ...
a) lose the plans to the Death Star
b) lose the ring one to to rule them all
c) lose a vial of my secret zombification virus
d) 2 bobby pins

S called veto after finding the plans to death star, no, 2 bobby pins. I don't even know where I left them. But she found them and called veto. Prof talked her down to an "official warning." I shit you not.

I said enough, I don't want to be a part of this anymore. Why on Earth would he even feel he had to pass on that message? An official warning? Don't I get verbal first followed by a stern letter?

Dude was visibly upset. He said he had sifted his schedule so he would be around for weekend dates, we had tentatively planned the weekend away, didn't want to stop seeing me. blah blah blah.

I don't want to stop seeing him either, but veto over hairclips? I call BS on that. I told him to go back to dating fuck buddies. Call me when you get your rules sorted out.

He left asking me to keep our Thursday night meeting. By this point I had given up speaking and gave him the evil stare.

What really ticks me off is I had said a couple of weeks ago that I should stop spending the night there and we just stay at my place. He was the one who convinced me otherwise. Pah!
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  #36  
Old 09-24-2013, 03:53 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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These are not the bobby pins you are looking for.
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  #37  
Old 09-26-2013, 12:59 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Apparently those were the bobby pins she was going through the drawers looking for. Immune to the old jedi mind trick, she is! There is an anti- snooping rule! Which she violates regularly.

Prof texted me. Going to amend the rules so those who leave items are allowed a courtesy phone call to retrieve them. Missing the point there! Let's add another rule and don't actually look at fixing the underlying issues!

I asked for a DADT, yup, I am going there. I don't want to hear any more about the rules that govern their relationship. If I mess up in our relationship, he gets to tell me.
No more, "S wouldn't like this." If it's not allowed then simply say, I can't/don't want to do that, before it happens!

At this point I either trust him to protect our relationship, which he says he is doing and I can see pretty much see that, I have lasted significantly longer than anyone else; or he throws me to the wolves, in which case he is not the person I thought he was.

To paraphrase Master Obi Wan, "If you veto me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine". mwah ha ha ha.
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  #38  
Old 09-28-2013, 04:57 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I saw Kip twice this week, which was lovely. He is busy at work next week so I won't get to see him. He has been super helpful with my class assignments, both times I saw him I had him to fill out another questionnaire for me and explain the answers. Hopefully the next class won't have so much reflecting involved. My brain is a little frazzled.

Prof; where are we with that? Thursday was very fun, some great bd play, great sex, lots of chatting. I avoided the relationship topics like the plague. But it would appear I need to go down that path after all. There was one moment where he said he wanted to take me to an event early next year, but I couldn't say anything about it. I gave him the raised eyebrow look, and he said, that's right I am not going to do that anymore...( refer to activities as veto worthy)
He came round last night and as we were scheduling the next couple of weeks, including the weekend trip, he said I hope this works out and you don't break up with me again.

There was something else about he miss me a lot if we did we break up. I was very tired and didn't want to get into that subject, but on reflection I can see that he was hurt and insecure and needs a little reassurance.
I need to clarify that I didn't break up with him, I broke up with the rules dangling over my head.

The popping over has become quite regular. He lives about 10 minutes away. Once the kids are asleep I text him. He comes around about 8:30- 9pm, we chat, watch an episode of tv, he pushes the sectional together so we can sit with feet up and hold hands, then off he goes about 10:30pm. No sex. It's quite nice. I can't leave the house anyway so I am not spending a kid free night indoors, which we would drive me loopy.

I had plans to meet Yo this weekend, but had to cancel due to flaky ex. We might do a joint kid activity tomorrow, the weather is lovely.

I hate cancelling and rescheduling due to flaky ex. It makes me look unreliable. I just can't afford any extra sitter fees right now, so cancelling or taking the kids are the only options.

I stupidly told the ex that I would not be available to cover the weekend of the 12th, it is my birthday and I said I am going away and will split any sitter fees with him.( birthday money) When will I learn! I could see the wheels turning.

So far the list of fuck up Atlantis' plans, has included; his father having emergency surgery, not true, one of the kids needing a trip to the emergency room, not true, kid sick and crying wants to go home, not true, failure of me to correctly notifying him of overseas trip, therefore would not return the kids in time for the flight. I had to get the sheriff involved with that one. Or the favored classic, not to turn up at all, no phone call no message.

Stupid stupid me.
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  #39  
Old 09-30-2013, 01:10 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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VENT
I thought it would take the ex a week or so to cook something up. Nope, trying to swap weekends already. When will I learn???????? Says he will not return them on Friday after school so the weekends switch.
Will see if Prof can switch the weekend to either the one before or the one after. If not, I will call the cops on Friday. So sick of this. It has been 2 1/2 years.
Might have to call the sitter in for Thursday, prof and I have tickets. aaaarrrgh.
Ex also wants gas money for the 3.2 miles to take the kids to school and pick them up. Worked out I will owe him $28 per month. Maybe use the money to buy them a pair of shoes?????? One freaking pair of flip flops each in 2 1/2 years!!!!!!
I am spewing mad.
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  #40  
Old 10-07-2013, 04:17 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I saw Kip, he made some time, shared deeply and then fell of the map. He has done this before. Not unusual behavior for someone to reveal and then retreat. I pinged him midweek, he responded a couple of times then dropped off again. I know he is ok, taking time to process, but I miss him.

I had a very nice hotel date with Prof, lovely dinner after, Then the next night we went to the event. He had put a gift card in with my ticket, then sent a text saying "this is not a gift " I let it go. He has been doing well with letting the rule reminders drop. He even initiated holding hands in public and some hugging. That is one place he hasn't gone before, he usually reminds me that he can't. I don't care about PDAs and was surprised he got all touchy feely.

He was in a sharing mood too asked about his Christmas cake and I said I was also making his birthday treat. He said it was important that someone made something special, just for him, it was the one thing he missed about being married. I lost the ebay bid on his birthday present, but found something very similar, fingers crossed I win that.

I have never actually read the love languages book but skimmed a few articles to get the drift and believe we are both acts of service people. I will show you I care by doing things that I know you enjoy and would appreciate. I am really crap at buying gifts (always practical), not great at the touching thing outside of sexy time and trying hard to increase the words of affection. But ask me to do, and I will do to the best of my ability. And I offer too This plays into the sub thing too, an act of service that I completely enjoy.

Kip wanted a Christmas cake too. They have been made and are being fed with brandy once a fortnight. No more dating people with Euro connections and a passion for matured Christmas cake! These things take a while to put together and involve ordering ingredients and getting my folks to bring items over. Act of service for sure.

I saw Yo. We had sex, it was as bad as I remembered, I thought I would give it one more try. Bad move.

My thoughts on this... I have great sex with one, I have very good sex often great sex with the other, bad sex I don't need. While somethings could be worked out with discussion there is just not that savoir-faire.

Kip and Prof both brought it up recently. Good sex is good, but great sex is an uncommon thing to find and maintain. That connection with a partner that enables you to let it all go. I really like Yo, I find him attractive in many ways but it is just not there between the sheets and I don't think it ever will be. At least there were no agreements made to start seeing each romantically again, slide back into the friend zone.

I do consider myself fortunate to have 2 lovers that regularly rock my socks and vice versa (or so I am told ) I need to let my little polyship cruise along and stop messing with the sails.
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Last edited by Atlantis; 10-07-2013 at 04:19 AM.
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