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  #201  
Old 07-06-2014, 05:27 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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There was a lot of talk last night with Joe.

He loves me. I thought he did, there have been a lot of little touches and pokes when characters say it on tv.
He said I am hard to read and he has no idea if I even like him or not. He feels like he could walk away and it wouldn't affect me at all.
He is deeply concerned about time management, mainly from my end and I appeared fully stretched as it is, and added to that statement that he is "gut-punched" that I am planning a trip with Prof.
He thinks we are very different people, wonders what I am doing with him, he considers himself "boring".
He has a number of insecurities about our relationship, he says that are his and not mine.
He says I was pretty clear about the non-exclusive dating, but he wanted to avoid having a frank discussion about it too.
He very much enjoys the time we spend together, does not ask for more though he wants it.
He wanted to know why he "is not enough". Why would I want more than one relationship?
Had Prof met the kids?
Understands having a FWB, like Kip, but not another emotional relationship which I seem to have with Prof.
How can someone who is so poor at relationship and emotional communication feel like they can manage 2 relationships?
Was I aware that I have swung so far from the control of my marriage to being way out there with the independence?



What did I say?
I said I care deeply, and can care for more than one person at a time and express it though doing rather than saying.
I have fairly successfully managed time so far.
I explained a little about primary and secondary hierarchies and that I didn't subscribe to that, but there is an ebb and flow in what people want and need and some flexibility is needed.
I said I will not do a list of relationship rules like Prof and Ms Text's, that control the other relationships, but boundaries etc within in each relationship were fine and negotiable.
I enjoy him and Prof for different reasons, and I am not Frankendating.
I said that Prof and I were working on a new normal, there were/are many changes since Ms Text had passed.
I am not looking for a primary type partner.
I did not say that I am overwhelmed with Prof and his needs.

I don't think he will be able to do it. I think he may want to give it a go but that the perceived sharing and jealousy will make him unhappy very quickly. He will wonder why he is not enough and that will eat him up from the inside out.

We agreed to cut way back on the I.M. He asked for no contact at all, which I agreed to, then he started with questions. I suggested that he should feel free to ask but I will not initiate while he is processing. He agreed.
He is going hiking with a friend this morning and I hope he takes the opportunity to discuss this with someone outside the relationship.
One part of me is hoping that he just breaks up with me now.
My stress levels are through the roof. I need to go distract myself from this.
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Prof: 50s male.
Kip: 50s male.
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  #202  
Old 07-07-2014, 12:41 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I am a stress cleaner, the apartment looks fab

Prof spent the afternoon with us. My little one asked if Prof was my boyfriend. I said Prof is my friend. Prof brought it up later and said boyfriend or "manfriend" was fine. I kind of ummed and ahed my way round it and said ok, fine.
We are going to schedule out the next few weeks tonight.
My next class started today, 8 weeks of research and writing. I said I can't take a one week vacation even if the ex does have the kids. Prof agrees.

Joe called this afternoon and said he would rather have me in his life than to walk away. He said he doesn't know if he will be able to shut out the voices of doubt in his head but wants to try.
He is a big boy, I enjoy his company very much. Let's see how it goes.

Time to start the studying!
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Prof: 50s male.
Kip: 50s male.
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  #203  
Old 07-14-2014, 10:02 PM
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Back from the camping trip, a day early, but we had fun. Lots of playing in the water, a train ride, bit of gold panning and a pedal boat ride.
Joe came up for 2 nights, arrived fairly late on Friday night, we had a good day on Saturday but Sunday morning he was really off.
I asked him a few times what was up and he brushed me off with "just need another coffee".
Kid #1 had been dying to try the pedal boats and we agreed to do it late Sunday morning. Joe ruined the whole thing with the sour grumpy ass attitude. It took me a while to work out he was in a mood and not just needing more caffeine. I offered to drop him back at shore, but he didn't want that, instead proceeded to make grand sighs and eye rolls at the kids splashing about. we ended up stopping 20 minutes early cause I couldn't take it anymore. Kids were upset, they didn't know what was going on, neither did I. We walked back to camp, he packed up and left. A couple of hours the apology texts started with numerous excuses all different. I call bullshit.
The thing is...I have dealt with this behavior for years, my ex would do the same, come on activities that he didn't want to do then sour mood the whole thing. It was a trip, or more accurately boat ride down memory lane.
When Joe finishes work, we will talk on the phone and I will break up with him.
I am not not not ever putting up with activity ruining crap from anyone ever again. You don"t want to be there, then go do something else, Don't pull me down with passive aggressive sulking. It was a horrible atmosphere. Ugh.
It is a side of him that I suspected was there. Things he said his wife said about withdrawing and refusing to communicate added up and made sense.
I don't need to go there again in a relationship, the feeling in my stomach when it dawned on me what was going on was horrible and the fact that he didn't want to let me carry on without him, but continue to suck the fun out of the kids of me....bye bye Joe.
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  #204  
Old 07-16-2014, 08:59 PM
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I had a very brief chat with Joe. He tried to add to the litany of excuses as to why he was so sour. I told him that there was no need to explain because I was done.
The more I thought about it, the more snippy comments came to mind that he had made that day and on previous occasions.
I lived that life for years, trying to make someone happy, it took me a long time to realize that happiness is internal and none of my best intentions made a difference. At one point I worked 2 jobs. I started at 8am and finished at 12:30 am and took classes on off nights, thinking that if I provided the things my ex wanted then he would be nicer and kinder to me. Didn't matter, it was never enough.
I am not doing it again.

I had to take the kids with me to drop off Joe's laptop. Kind of glad that I did because he had obviously been/was crying. I must admit I was quite surprised and a little annoyed, it felt like an attempt at manipulation. We dropped off the stuff and left quickly.

Then I had to take the kids to the ex, who feigned having no knowledge of agreeing to take the kids when I went on holiday next week. Hopefully he doesn't flake out. I asked for a few additional days and he said he will think about it. The dude hasn't had the kids for his share of vacation time since I left him.

On the plus side I saw Kip yesterday, so much fun and a fancy restaurant for lunch. It has a beautiful out door patio area, and extremely light and fresh local organic produce in some modern and quite delicious ways.
We are getting quite experimental with sex again, he has a few Dom ideas and it has been fun seeing him bliss out, he is usually so in control.
He is off on his vacation for the next 2 weeks. Second tropical vacation of the year, jealous? me? Totally

Prof has set up his play room again and has also been very frisky and wanting to experiment. Something in the air?
We plan to have a little kink session tonight. He ordered me some killer shoes as a thank-you for helping out with a few things so mani/pedis and the new shoes with some lingerie.
I am looking forward to it.

I start the new job next week and will get 2 pay checks at the end of the month. One of them is going straight in savings and will be used to buy 3 tickets to go home next summer. I don't quite remember how the idea came up but Prof asked if my parents would take the kids for 2 weeks while we went to Italy. I asked, they said yes, so we plan on taking 3 weeks next summer and having a European Vacation.

It is obviously a long way off but even if I am not with Prof then 3 weeks at home will be lovely.

I am also saving hard in my "rum drink vacation" fund. So fingers crossed we can go somewhere tropical maybe around Xmas or Spring.
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Prof: 50s male.
Kip: 50s male.
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  #205  
Old 07-18-2014, 03:09 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Very fun Weds night with Prof. Funny how we still have kept Weds at the main night. He is away frequently at the weekend, will be in Europe this weekend, and I think away most weekends in August. But he says he works at keeping Weds open, I am a recurring item in his phone and in his work calendar.

Prof was jokingly/seriously expressing concerns over me breaking up with him and booking tickets for vacation. Cancelled tickets are a drop in his financial ocean, so I think he was looking for reassurances about the relationship in general.

I am past the point of knee-jerk break ups with him, though in my defense a couple of them were entirely to do with veto and the rules and not what I felt about him. If an issue comes up then it is worth trying to resolve through discussion. I communicated this to him and from there the evening progressed to lingerie, heels and lots of role play. Lots of fun


We didn't get into a discussion about why I broke up Joe. But the point was raised that Prof would not set-up a relationship with veto or the list of rules again. He said that he fully understands the discomfort of having veto hanging over your head, he feels like I could "veto" him at anytime. He said that I used to be concerned and look worried when one of his other partners got vetoed, wondering if I was next and he gets that it is not a good place to be in.
I said it wasn't veto if I was doing it and not some outside agent, and that is a huge difference. To have an unseen third dictate how your relationship runs and when it ends is entirely unpleasant.


We are having 4 nights in the camper van then coming back here to have dinner with the Pro-Domme ( the one who Prof went to for the kink classes) and her assistant before going to a public kink class in town. Prof wants to go home after and "practice", so that will make 5 nights in a row.

I don't anticipate any problems spending that amount of time together, I certainly will have work to do and I am sure he will too and that will create the need for "quality time apart". And if there are issues, then we will know that an extended vacation is not a good idea.

In an interesting development, he is looking at properties this weekend with an eye to rent them to me. One is on the other side of the next town,( he has tried to get in there before but had trouble scheduling) but very close to my new job, the second is about 100 yards from where I sit. The second had an open house yesterday and I popped in with the kids to have a look as we were on our way out. While in no way shape or form am I getting over-excited, I did start cleaning out a few closets yesterday
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Kip: 50s male.
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  #206  
Old 07-21-2014, 12:06 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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We had an extremely fun time house hunting yesterday, we looked at 4 for him, including a $3 million Victorian for fun, and 2 for me. He has asked his agent to put in an offer on the one on the other side of the next town for me and possibly one in the same area for him. The 2 new houses are about the same time distance apart as we are now. It would mean a new school for the kids but the new one scores much higher on the school rating systems and is about 5 minutes away from my new job.

He asked me if I could be "potential tenant" and not indicate any kind of girlfriend status to the realtors, he said he had been working with them for years and they knew Ms Text, so it might be a bit soon to go public.

I have no problem with doing that, but it did get me to wondering where in the poly handbook is the page on bereavement? I know he isn't out to family or work so when and how is it appropriate to introduce someone who is technically an old lover as a new one. And it did occur to me yesterday that our relationship has changed rather quickly and are the changes mostly due to him being lonely, or was it always like this but simmering below the rules? I am hoping that the feelings were always there, he has enough other partners that he could fill in the lonely times, but I seem to be his "go to" partner and he did say that the other week that he would be happy to be called my 'boyfriend."

Honestly, it wasn't me who thought that things were getting couply it was my sister. She asked me if things were getting serious, and I said no, she laughed and said buying homes and booking flights nearly a year in advance are very couply things to do. As she worked for the airlines for years I know you need to book pretty quickly after the flights open, which is 11 months, to get the cheapest seats for summer.

More couply developments include being his date for the dinner in a fortnight and then came the invite for his "adult party". Last year's invite was rescinded after Ms Text said she wanted to go and if she couldn't then neither could I.

This year's party has a changed format and apparently Prof has been working on a scene for me, with one or 2 helpers, for a while. He wants me to be his main partner when before he didn't have one at this event.
I actually have no interest in attending and no desire to meet 8 strangers at one time. Buuuuuuut, he was so enthusiastic about the scene that he has been planning for weeks and buying items for etc that I said "yes". He commented on my lack of excitement and I did tell him that meeting a group of strangers in a social setting is hard work for me. Last year's group was considerably smaller.
It is all dependent on finding kid care so it may not work out anyway.

The couply thing hit a weird (for me)peak last night with Prof texting from the runway that he couldn't wait to come back and me agreeing We have certainly had much longer periods of time apart, it will be less than a week when I see him again, but really, it did feel like a week was going to be too long.
Kip is away for 2 weeks and that seems a bit too long too.
Feeling all emotional and clingy? Period is due in 3...2...1...
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Kip: 50s male.
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  #207  
Old 07-24-2014, 03:16 PM
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Prof is due back later today. There have been lots of text-like emails going back and forth, most of them last night were about wanting to fuck me again soon. Ah, how sweet. But the general bent has been that he is very much looking forward to our "extended weekend". I need to get some prep done today but it is unclear if we are camper vanning or hotelling. The van has a check engine light on but Prof says he doesn't care if he blows the engine. He has recently revealed that he a lot of money and by a lot I mean A LOT. I still don't think it makes sense to blow an engine tho.

He seems frazzled, but then he usually is a little frazzled, he is coming back from a 5 day trip to eastern europe then leaving on another trip about 18 hours after he gets back. I think it is too much but it is how he lives his life.

As I am writing this I am also I.M.ing with Kip. He is complaining that his tropical vacay is not all he was hoping for, bit windy, too many family members. Hard to be too sad for him We both hope that one day we could travel together, not likely to be any time soon.

At least with both of them away I have got some major class work done, been to the gym and just had some happy alone time.

Joe sent me an email on Monday, the phrasing was a bit weird, came across as obsequious. Apologizing for the way it ended, wanting it not to end on a sour note. I sent a one sentence response asking him what he wanted me to say. He sent another email, same stuff really.
I did take a nosy on his OKC profile, he has added things about letting someone have their off days and not take their bad moods seriously. I think he missed the point about being on your best behaviour when someone invites you to join them on their family holiday. I didn't reply to the second email. I think he is missing the point and I don't want to explain again. Let it go Joe.

But fingers and toes crossed that next year is my year to travel on airplanes again. The airfares should be out in September so want to book quickly whilst there are a few cheaper seats.
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  #208  
Old 07-31-2014, 02:50 AM
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So much is going on, I should be studying and not blogging but want to catch up a little before I forget.
Prof came back for his trip, made it to see me the same night and we had fun catch up sex. I had bought some killer boots which he appreciated.
He decided we should take the camper on our 4 night trip despite the check engine light.
Did we have fun or what?
We did a lot of what you are supposed to do in that area. I picked out some fun local flavor side trips, which despite Prof having been in the area 30+ times!!!! before, had never done. His favorite was taking the camper van on the local speedway track, and doing a "hot lap", the gates were open, I offered him $1 to do it so we did it! Lucky we weren't arrested.
The sex was great, morning, noon and night, in the showers ( once with a visiting baby frog watching) he set up spot in a grove of trees with flash light and champagne, in a cemetery...
We drank champagne by the bottle, ate cheese, he cooked, I did the dishes.
We both stayed off the phones and laptop( he left his at home ) apart from basic check-ins and some time I had to put in for class.
It was wonderful, no sourness or grumpy pants, just doing whatever we wanted, when we wanted, we both had a couple of things that we particularly wanted to do and then did some things as they turned up.

We got back yesterday and went to BDSM class in the evening. It was the Domme who did the other private class we attended last year. I didn't think it was terrible good really. I would have preferred more instruction and demos on toys and equipment, it was more like a scene. And I really learned, once again, that I do not like watching people get hurt, even if they enjoy it and ask for it.

I have been invited to Prof's "adult" party on Friday. It is the one he has every year but I was "dis-invited", (if that is a word) last year, after Ms Text decided that if she couldn't go then neither could I. Prof didn't want her to go, wasn't a health issue.

I saw the first signs of grief from Prof last night about Ms Text. He has not shared that process with me very much at all. Last night was 90 days since she passed. We were going to have a post-class sexy time but he decided he wanted to go home and process. I had no problem with that at all.

I did end up calling him about 20 minutes after the class finished as I couldn't find my car. He drove me around in a search pattern till we found it. No where near where I thought it was. I was wearing heels as well, my poor feet. I wish I could say that was the first time that I have lost my car but it wasn't.

Apparently he has been working on a scene for me for Friday. He is very excited about, spent much of the flight back last week planning it and ordered some items which arrived in a large box I saw the box. He is refusing to drop any hints at all.
I am excited and nervous, this will be my first semi-public scene. The party ends at 12, everyone else leaves and he wants/expects me to stay.
He said he might have sex with other people and was I ok with that? OK? I hope to join in.
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Last edited by Atlantis; 07-31-2014 at 02:59 AM.
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  #209  
Old 08-01-2014, 03:09 PM
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Prof and I wrote an offer for the house on the other side of the next town over, it was accepted last night. Now an application has to go into the City as it is classed as "affordable" housing, that paperwork goes in today. We will see, I am not getting my hopes up too much, but continuing to clean out closets and collect a few boxes. That is not a waste of time even if the deal doesn't go through.
So my poly lover may be buying me a home and writing me a mortgage. He will be my bank. It is quite scary but I will try not to process these emotions until the contracts are signed. No putting the cart before the horse.
Prof is leaving on Sunday for a week, coming back for a night or 2 and then leaving again for another week. I think the space will be good. We have seen a lot of each other and it is party night tonight.
Kip is flying back in today. I will probably see him on Tuesday, looking forward to it. We have been IMing a lot, like the good ol' days, but some face-to-face connection is important to me and some other body parts need to connect too.
I am so far behind on class. Need to get stuck in to that in between annual apartment inspection by landlady, meeting the real estate people with my paperwork and Prof's party and buying and setting up nibbles. a mani would be nice too. Kids are off to their dad for the night.
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  #210  
Old 08-03-2014, 06:41 PM
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The party was really really good.
Prof had designed a really cute and funny Star Trek, (original series), themed series of scenes for him and me.
There were costumes, phasers, tricorder, communicator, and some Klingon. It was all very well planned out. At one point he whipped out a Star Trek pendant necklace for me and put it in me in front of the group, whilst I was collared and on my knees, almost like a regular collaring ceremony, some of the others though it was, me included, but he said "No, it is a Star trek collaring." I don't think he would have sprung a real collaring on me without negotiation first.
There were 9 people I think altogether. 2 Doms+ 2 Dommes/Tops and 5 subs. However, there was no swapping between Dom/mes and Subs we all played with our usual Dom/me.
I did a lot of dancing in the suspended cage, very fun, while one of the scenes was in progress.
I really enjoyed the care and attention Prof put in to our scenes. I loved meeting and talking to the other kinky folk, The other scenes were good and fun, everyone left very happy. No drama, no hurt feelings, all very emotionally safe.
There was no sex until after all but one had left. Prof and I had sex whilst one of the Dommes watched, she is monogamous right now and said she would not participate but did enjoy the voyeurism.
She has known Prof for a while and said he talks about me a lot and in a very positive way. She warned me not to expect too much from him relationship wise. She is BFs with the girl who wanted the white-picket fence relationship with him and he said no. I didn't say we had been on a few holidays together and he was buying me a house. I think that is his business if he wants to share.
I cannot define the relationship that I have with him and it is probably as successful as it is because I don't really care about a label( though I do love me a label) and am not asking for relationship talks.
Things have changed significantly since Ms Text died. I did not forsee how much closer we would become though I was interested to see how I would fit in to his "new normal". What I wanted from him was to participate in activities and travel together. We are doing that, plus a few things more. I do not need to formally know where I stand through words, the actions are more than adequate.
I had a bit of an I.M chat with Joe on Saturday, I had promised Minijoe my old bike and wanted to see if he still wanted it and could come and get it. He said he would check in with Minijoe.
There was a little relationship chat, he admitted to being "petulant" and "sulky when things don't go my way." I agreed and didn't point out the number of times, but let it go at that.
I think my limit with him was the lack of emotional maturity, sure you can sulk and be petulant but you need to tell me that is what you are doing and why. I cannot be playing guessing games with an adult.

Kip is back! Yeah! I think we are fairly set for meeting on Tuesday. I am very much looking forward to it.
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Kip: 50s male.
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