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  #191  
Old 06-13-2014, 10:25 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Prof loves his camper van He popped round on Tuesday to show it to #2 child, who had been asleep during the first showing on Sunday.
He stopped to have some dinner and I ended up booking a test camp for all of us at the end of July. Somehow we also decided to make Wednesday night a camper van trial run. It was one of those moments when you realise that someone is asking for something but is being terribly unclear about it. I ended up asking directly, "Do you want to go camping tomorrow?" Big grin was the reply.
It was all a bit hectic, but we made it to the camp site at 7:30pm, got a cancellation spot, the people behind us were turned away.
Prof's earthquake/camping box has everything in it and I mean everything. I took mental notes. There were even mini bottles of booze! He hadn't opened it in 7 years and was very excited. His best item is a travel cocktail set; little leather container that holds 2 shaker cups, strainer, 4 small glasses and 2 alcohol bottles. He mixed Margaritas. We made pasta and garlic bread and sat by the fire drinking and chatting. I let him set up the van for the night, he wanted to clip all the curtains together. I would have snapped every second snap and been done with it I used to do that with the kids baby clothes, I only ever snapped 2 of the 3 snappers. I told him that story.
We christened the "upstairs" section and the downstairs section and slept in the downstairs section. Prof had researched the sleeping bags and got exactly what he wanted, 2 thick, duvet like bags that zip together, they were super comfy. He did give one to me, ah sweet, cause I certainly wouldn't have spent that much money.
I brought the wood, breakfast, tea, coffee and Margarita supplies, and researched campsites, paid for the campsite and did most of the driving. I cannot keep up with him financially. If he wants to buy the best of whatever it is he wants then he can, but I cannot, I have a budget.
I ended up teasing him a lot about the perfectionist behavior. I am learning to simply keep out of his way when he is on a roll, I offer to help and then keep out of the way and do something else. I was not allowed to help put the van back together He was just so happy the entire time, said he last had a camper van when was he 16 and had wanted one for years. He is about to spend an obscene amount on a new sports car, but the van is providing much enjoyment in only week 1. I won't mention the big dent that he put in it, I bet is is fixed by the end of the month.
We have planned a road trip for July, the 3 main stops are so science geeky, he really wants to visit them but 2 of them have been places we both discussed, the third is right up my alley too.
As I write all this, it strikes me that things are so very different post Ms Text. I am sure there would have been no camper if she were still alive, no road trip to various geek paradises. They could have done the trip without a camper, 5 star hotels and the flash car. She was not the camping type, his ex wife refused to camp too.
Instead he is all enthusiastic to take me and the sprogs on grimy family type things.
I was really struck by the thought on Tuesday, as my 2 were clambering all over the camper, opening, closing, pulling, inspecting and asking questions, why a man of his age and freedom, would choose to be involved with a woman with 2 young children, seems like my idea of hell I did ask him, but don't really remember the answer, something along the lines of teenagers are worse and I am fun.
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  #192  
Old 06-17-2014, 08:33 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I got a letter from the court to get a move on with my divorce. The ex said to me last week that he would in no way cooperate unless I dropped the restraining order. Sure. Of course. Time to let it go to trial.
So I have to push to get that done, course work and next class is starting in 2 weeks. I ordered the books yesterday.
Time management is obviously a pressing issue. 3 lovers who all want and deserve attention and a schedule full of deadlines. So bye-bye to tv and reading for pleasure. I have had the most pleasant 2 weeks of watching Orphan Black and catching up on a few books that I really wanted to read and eating too many of those mini crackers with cheese goo in them.
My hobbies are restricted to sexy time and the gym.
My car that hasn't been making a noise for the past 3 years? Needs a new engine. It still has 6 weeks left on the warranty. The only reason they are doing it is because of the other mechanic saying there was an issue. I bet they never even ran the diagnostic checks on it before.
I have the camper van for the next dew days, with strict instructions not to have sex in it or let the kids sit in it with wet swim suits. I had no intention of doing either. But I am very appreciative of the loan and am cleaning the seats with the wet vac as a thank-you.
Kip is fine, seeing him on Thursday for a few hours. Prof on Thursday night and Joe on Wednesday night. A mid-week weekend.
Prof asked me if I ever have sex with different people on the same day. I said yes. I think he was a little squeeked out by it. I said he does the same, he said not for a long time. Apparently not seeing the other partners much at all. I didn't want the exact statistics. I am more surprised that he hasn't gone on a sex bender. I said I felt a little judge, he said he wasn't judging just wanting to know. It was probably me self-judging, just seemed a bit unusual for him to ask that type of question. He wondered how I could have more sex after the amazing sex we'd just had. I said there is usually a long period of time in-between. 4 hours is long isn't it? Time enough for a snack and cup of tea.
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Last edited by Atlantis; 06-17-2014 at 08:42 PM.
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  #193  
Old 06-18-2014, 01:45 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
... I said there is usually a long period of time in-between. 4 hours is long isn't it? Time enough for a snack and cup of tea.
Wonderful! Thank you for make me grin!
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  #194  
Old 06-18-2014, 02:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
Prof asked me if I ever have sex with different people on the same day. I said yes . . . He wondered how I could have more sex after the amazing sex we'd just had.
Why does he assume he's always the first sex partner of the day? He could be 2nd or 3rd!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #195  
Old 06-20-2014, 05:44 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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3rd in 24 hours. NYC.
I have rethought the 4 hour time boundary and moved it to 2 hours.
My ex cancelled on the kids yesterday whilst I was finishing lunch with Kip. I called Prof to say I had to cancel our date for the evening and he said come round now. So I did. We had a very quick naked time, ( 2 hour gap between him and Kip, lunch and tea) and he suggested going for a camp! So we called a park, got the van packed up, he went to a meeting, I got the kids and off we went about 5:30pm.
It went very well, the kids were beyond excited to sleep in the pop-top. I don't think they went to sleep until we did, about 10ish. We have a no clock rule for camping. Prof had to be back by 9 we made it by 9:30.( might have to adjust the no clock rule ). But no more random camps this month, it has blown my budget completely.
He invited me to a poly-potluck on Sunday night. I really don't want to go for 2 reasons. 1) I don't want to meet new people. I feel totally done with my resolution to meet strangers in social settings. I find it awful. I know I should go. Argh. I will see if he brings it up again. 2) It seems a bit couply.

The Joe thing is fun and fine. He may not be an aggressive kinkster in bed but wow he has some some stamina. Hours and hours and hours. I went down to his on Saturday and we left the house for dinner and lynch. Breakfast was skipped entirely Sunday we stopped for the occasional episode of Orphan Black and then got back at it again. He can't cum with a condom on, so we use that to our advantage. He said he doesn't care if he cums or not, is just happy to be naked and fucking.
Orphan Black is really good BTW. I can't believe it is Friday and I still haven't watched the next episode.
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  #196  
Old 06-22-2014, 03:28 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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The big news is...I have a new job.
It all happened rather quickly. I saw it and applied, interviewed the following week, got the unofficial phone call on Tuesday and the official phone call on Friday. It is a step in the right direction but hopefully will not involve anything outside normal office hours, most of the other things I saw would involve frequent late nights. And by late I mean after 6pm, which is something I am not prepared to make the kids do.
I was not terribly optimistic of getting it all, I know the HR person and she said there were a lot of people going for it. If I hadn't got it then I wouldn't have applied for anything else, just sat at my current position for another year.
The men were all very pleased. Kip was a touch concerned that I won't have the flexibility that I do now, realistically I think I will. Prof and Joe were pleased that I will no longer be in physical danger. I am pleased about that too, the whole point of any of this, classes etc is to be a good parent and provide for my children, I can't do that if I am dead.
I go into sign paperwork next week and will hand in my notice on Monday. I had already started clearing out my office in quiet times. If for no other reason than it needed it.
Prof popped round fairly late last night for an episode and some ok sex. I think it is me being in a slightly not sexy mood.
I had ok sex with Kip on Thursday, it started ok and got quite good after we stopped for some tea and a chat. My poor head was over filled with new jobs, divorce and classwork. I felt I should be using that time to work. He was quite concerned and asked if I was going to phase him out or did not find him attractive anymore, the insecurity was obvious. I did my best to reassure him that the weird head space was temporary. During lunch he dropped the news that he had been married before for a couple of years. I was a fairly stunned and then decided it was none of my business, he talked about it anyway.
I can't do the poly pot luck tonight which actually turned into dinner at a Thai restaurant. Ex says he doesn't want the kids, poor man has worked 3 days in a row! Can you imagine! Prof says he will come round after to hang out.
I think the kids and I are doing something with Joe today. I was so unmotivated to socialize yesterday and couldn't be bothered to drive down there or invite him up here. Yes, my period is due any second now which is probably behind my blah mood. Plus I still have the premium gas guzzling camper van.
Prof and I got a little into sex talk/partner talk last night. Pretty much just me and Ms Admin, he says he doesn't want to add anyone new, but is more likely to sleep with an old partner. He said he doesn't want to deal with someone making demands on his time, doesn't want the "whining for more than one night a week or a regular night per week." Interesting considering how much we are seeing each other, but I suppose it is coming from him offering and not me asking. I put out my free nights for next week and he said he would take them all. The idea always has been to pick one main night and then a tv night when the kids are here. I think we agreed Tues and Sat.
I also raised the thought that I might go monogamous for my new job, yes, I am being over anxious about the change. Prof said there is no reason why a single woman can't date multiple people, it doesn't have to be declared as a poly or open relationship. Good point and if I was to go monogamous then he would like it to be Joe who gets dumped. LOL. Prof said he had been dumped too many times already. I said then it should be like water of a duck's back. He didn't laugh.
It was a bit of a weird talk, again I think it the weirdness is all coming from my head.

Prof made his now common romantic declaration of " I really like you." I kind of get that he would have to, to want to deal with my flaky ex controlled schedule. Joe says he "really really really" likes me. Kip says LL, love lite, or adore. Polyaffectionate. I like them all too.
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Last edited by Atlantis; 06-22-2014 at 03:47 PM.
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  #197  
Old 06-25-2014, 12:57 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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All is back on track, my weird mood dissipated.
Lots of fun sex with Kip yesterday.
Prof tonight.
Joe tomorrow night.
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Last edited by Atlantis; 06-25-2014 at 01:35 AM.
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  #198  
Old 06-27-2014, 01:28 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Prof and I went out for dessert, got drinks and watched the 2012 World Darts Championship on the tv in the bar. It was a hoot. I explained the rules, the oche, and how all the best players have huge guts and play with a pint of larger in their hands. We went back to his and got a bit trashed and chatted a lot.
Prof is so excited about his van, he said that his family went "camping in hotels". As in, they stayed in hotels and then did day hikes. Very loose interpretation of camping if you ask me.
He has been pulling all sorts out of his garage to take on trips, the latest is a $500 set of walkie talkies. BTW when the zombie apocalypse hits, I am going to his house, he has everything, down to water purification and military rations. He plans to buy a gazillion batteries for these walkie talkies and apparently they charge from the wall too.

One good thing about me is when I say I will do something, then I do it. The summer of camping...3 trips so far, another one on Monday and then the 5 day trip. I don't think Prof can make that, he has an international trip.

We were planning to hit the playroom but his son called on the phone so I got into bed and kind of dozed off I did overhear mention of the trips so far, but no mention of me and the kids. I am fairly sure he is not "out" to his family.

Prof woke me up after the call and we had a lota lota fun.

Wednesday my period started and I didn't want to deal with period sex. but I went down to see Joe. We walked to dinner and watched a lot of Orphan Black, kissing, cuddling and just enjoying being with each other. I did totally want to rip his clothes and go at it for hours, but had ice cream instead. I am not mad keen on ice-cream, not a statisfactory replacement.

I am trying to wean off the I.M. chat with Joe. It has totally slotted in where I used to chat with Kip, but I can't maintain it. I told JOe last night it has to slow down. I hardly chat with Kip anymore, we had the pick-up during his vacation but he mostly wants to talk about mfm and to be honest it is getting monotonous. I haven't the time or inclination to be arranging to meet or look for new people for sex or anything like it. Polysaturated for sure.

Prof mentioned his friend who was interested in the swap, I am up for meeting them as there is no organizational effort required on my part.

Edited to add: Prof offered to show me the pics of Ms Text that were framed for the last memorial. I declined, I don't think she would want me to see them. He said they are all going away into storage for now. There is one of her on the fridge. He doesn't have many pics up at all, neither do I for that matter. I don't like people looking at me from photos.
I will remove Ms Text from my signature as Prof is now self-identifying as "single".
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Last edited by Atlantis; 06-27-2014 at 01:35 AM.
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  #199  
Old 07-04-2014, 08:56 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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All kinds of fun things, boat ride across the bay, overnight camping, stadium rock concert, stayed at Joe's, stayed and staying at Prof's.
There have been 3 "define this relationship" talks in the past 24 hours. I have been skirting around and avoiding them for ages. Apparently it has been clear to all involved that I have been avoiding and am not very good at relationship communication.
It has pretty much all centered around the fact that while Joe has been aware we are not "exclusive" he hasn't really known anything else.
The chat with Kip was easy. We are in a "committed" relationship. Committed meaning committed to making time to see each other regularly and maintaining regular contact. We care for each other.
Prof started the next conversation, he said his anxiety was exacerbated by my reluctance to say what I was doing, when and with whom. He wanted me to ask him questions about dating and for him to be able to do the same. There have obviously been changes over the past 2 months and I just haven't wanted to get into the discussion. It seemed too soon after Ms Text's passing. The upshot of 2 conversations spaced over the night is; Prof would like me to be more open about my schedule. He wants 2 regular nights per week, Wednesdays to be back on track plus one other. Activities with the kids are "bonus" nights and not to be taken out of the 2 adults only nights.
He was not allowed to establish a relationship with my kids under the previous rules with Ms Text, I never knew this. So now that rule has gone he says he likes spending time with all of us, I am taking the kids to his today for the street bbq and we are all staying overnight. First time for back-to-back nights as adults and first time the kids will sleep at his. I am a little nervous about it, but having sleepovers is a skill they need to learn, how to behave when an overnight guest at someone else's house. They have only done overnights at my parent's and when doggy sitting years ago.
It's kind of funny, he says he does not want anyone to think they could replace Ms Text but yet he is really moving forward in what he wants from our relationship. Maybe because I am not asking for changes, they are all coming from him.
Prof is dating, but only previous people, not meeting anyone new. I said I am expecting him to go a little wild and have some fun, that is fine with me. We talked about the regular condom texts that he sends me. I am finding them annoying and said that he was as bad as me before with not using them but I don't pepper his dates with condom texts. Time to establish some trust with this or quit now.
All this led to the fact that Joe is not clear on what I am doing, so I called him this morning.
Joe said he kind of knew I was dating, we had had a few brief talks about not having an exclusive relationship and discussing that further down the line, so he was not altogether surprised when I spelled it out this morning. He said he really isn't into the idea of an Open Relationship but very much liked being with me and wanted to continue with what we are doing. He is going to have a little time to think about it and process but for now we are good.
I feel much better about it being out in the open. It was coming to a bit of head with trying to schedule everyone in. They both want vacation time and I am limited with how much the ex will take the kids.
Happy 4th of July to you all. We are heading off for a bbq and sleep over
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  #200  
Old 07-05-2014, 08:43 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Funny, I had forgotten most of the conversation with Prof, sieve brain.
What I didn't mention was the anxiety and stress that the conversations caused me. I suppose most of it centered around change and him asking for things from me. I feel like his is moving some of the Ms. Text relationship rules onto our relationship. I really don't care what he does in his own time and he has professed over the past year that he doesn't care to know much about what I do, but now he does.
Another rule that he tried to bring forward, was no relationship discussion whilst intoxicated. I said no, as it is probably the only time I will talk openly about things and I am not an angry drunk. Additionally, I am likely to forget most of what was said, so I don't see the problem
He did admit to being lonely, so it is fair to assume that he is focusing on our relationship as a distraction.
He seems like a different person in some ways. He looks at me differently and smiles differently. He is so much more touchy feely, talkative and open. The whole spending time with the kids, planning vacations, meeting friends, texting, taking photos, scheduling. I admit I am ready to run screaming...it's too much. Wow, there's a realization.
When we were discussing returning to set nights, apparently my face looked appalled because he did say, I shouldn't look so surprised, we usually see each other twice a week anyway. True. But it seems like so much. This week will have been overnights Mon, Thurs, Fri and probably Sun. He has however, got a number of trips planned including an international one, so we won't see each other much until our road trip towards the end of the month.

Interesting story about Mrs. Married, his "new" partner. Apparently he met her once a year or so ago and Ms Text vetoed her for being 1.5 hours late to his date. How on earth did I manage over a year without getting the chop?
On the very plus side. the sex has been frequent and very very good Have been no E.D. issues for a long while.
Joe is coming up tonight. I would like to not have any kind of relationship talk. He did say that he had been avoiding the relationship talk too, so maybe there is some hope we can skip on past it. I suck at this.
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