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  #171  
Old 04-22-2014, 02:18 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I am little frustrated with the ex. He has cancelled every night with this kids this week and the weekend. On the plus side he has cancelled and not just flaking.
Makes it hard when there is a little NRE going on with Joe. Our next kid free meeting is May 2nd. I asked Joe what his meeting time expectations were, he said he has no expectations and would like to see me as much as possible. We web cammed a bit and chatted, we are doing so most night after the kids go to bed.
I am frustrated again by the need to schedule. I get so sick of it. He said that although he said he doesn't schedule much he actually really does and needs to.
He came up with a couple of creative solutions to meeting such as having a sitter for all the kids at my place and me staying down there on kid free weekends, he is happy for me to do that as I get on well with Minijoe. There is no problem seeing each other at the weekend with kids in tow, just getting alone adult time is challenging.
I sent Prof a text last night saying I would be home with kids on Weds. I think he has too much going this week to see me but I didn't want him to be trying to make it work if I couldn't go out anyway.
Not much with Kip, bit of random chat. I think the NRE has well and truly worn off there. I do try to keep in my mind that he is busy at work and he has told me that.
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  #172  
Old 04-25-2014, 02:36 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I saw Kip on Wednesday. Fun as always.
I saw Joe last night. Ex took the kids and is taking them tonight too. Joe stayed for a whole 1 hour 40 minutes. We spent it all naked He messaged later saying he hoped I didn't think he saw me only for the sex. I said, no, we chat all day and actual kid free time is best used in bed He agreed. He wants to do something with the kids on Saturday, I am not in the mood to plan and told him so. If he wants to come up with something that is fine. Not like the kids will stay at home practicing the harpsichord and embroidering quietly.
He said he would like to plan a weekend away during the summer and actually sent me a link of the hotel that he wants to stay in. Very nice! Bit outside my budget range for sure. Very nice to see some enthusiastic follow through.
I think I am seeing Prof tonight. I texted him when I knew I had a kid free night. I would not be surprised if he doesn't make it but wanted to make the effort. We haven't been out in weeks, just him coming round here for a few hours. I could do with an overnight at his place, change of scenery and all.
Class starts again this weekend and as I am slammed at work I will not be able to get much done in the daytime. My lovely men will need to understand that I might be fairly unavailable for the next month.
I was looking at local concert events over the summer, we have a super little outdoor venue nearby in the mountains. Last year I got a whole lot of "let me see" and "let me think about it" responses to suggestions and nver went to see anything. This year I am going even if by myself! I was browsing the list and saw 2 of my all time favorites. I know Prof loves one and my friend is a big fan of the other. So I shot out some texts and surprise! Prof said book it. Considering I have had 0% luck getting him to go to a single concert before that was a big surprise. Even if he flakes I might get Roomie to go or by myself, I really don't care, I am not missing it.
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  #173  
Old 04-26-2014, 08:12 PM
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5 minutes before Prof was due to arrive, I noticed that my second piggie had passed. Many tears. My friend works in a vet hospital and said she would take him for a group cremation. I was all geared up to go and get him a piggy friend today, I had spotted a couple of likely candidates at a local shelter. No more piggies for a while. My heart gets ripped apart every time. They/he lived in the living room so an integral part of daily life.
I nearly cancelled Prof, seemed awful for me to be crying over piggies while Ms Text is slowly escaping. But he was very understanding, he was fond of both piggies and we talked about grief over dinner.
Ms Text is pretty much sleeping constantly, wakes for very short periods. She says she is ready to escape.
We both got a bit drunk and talked and fucked. He said he hasn't seen Ms Admin for ages, Ms S is has been friend-zoned and Ms B has got a regular partner. It's just me right now.
He talked about wanting to do the swap with his friend and her partner, maybe make it regular, said he didn't want to do the swing scene as such. I agreed, I don't feel like doing that either.
Kind of weird talking about a future that isn't full of restrictions. I don't know how things are going to change. I don't really want much change. Things are pretty much fine as they are minus the rules and regulations. I have no desire to be up-graded to main partner.
He stayed with me last night. it was nice and we woke up and had more sex. Tea and chat and then he left.
Might see Joe and Minijoe this afternoon. I am feeling a little tired, but we are doggy sitting for a week and need to go walkies, might as well combine the kids.
Still IMing with Joe a lot.
I am a little nervous about how things are "progressing." We were chatting about our little cities this morning and I was saying how mine is so much better and everyone wants to live here, teasing banter. He lives in one of the best cities in the area, moving here would be a definite downgrade.
He said he would "Like to move closer to you but the commute would be hell." Move closer????????? after 2 months???????? Oh crap. I let it slide and continued with city slamming. The dude has a lot of NRE going on. I do too, to some degree, but I recognise it for what it is and am trying not to let it impact or get carried away. He is definitely getting into it and enjoying it.
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  #174  
Old 04-26-2014, 09:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
He said he would "Like to move closer to you but the commute would be hell." Move closer????????? after 2 months???????? Oh crap . . . The dude has a lot of NRE going on.
Oh well, either you or life will slap him back into reality when the time is right. For now, enjoy being with him but be careful about saying anything too encouraging along those lines.

It sounds like your life has been going along rather nicely lately,and it's been a pleasure to read.

Sorry about your piggie, though.
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  #175  
Old 04-27-2014, 03:59 PM
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HI NYC, yes things are sailing along quite smoothly.
I made some changes to my behaviour after the various bumpy waves that occurred around Christmas and acknowledged my role in it all.
Oddly enough they are around communicating less as has been advised a few times on here. As a hinge, I am sharing very little about Prof and Kip to each other. Just general "doing fine". It seems to be working as Kip asked if we could do another mfm with Prof. I said no, we are not going down that path again. Kip gave various reasons why things are all settled and there wouldn't be any issues, I said no. I am fairly sure that his jealousy has abated because I am not talking about Prof in the relationship sense at all, only the whens and wheres. I am certain that being in the same room would kick off all the insecurities again. And Kip still brings it up, why he was unhappy with scene and how he doesn't like Prof having more time with me.
Funny that Prof brought up the mfm again on Friday night too in the context of the possible partner swap. Bearing in my mind that I was pretty drunk, my memory of it is that he enjoyed seeing me enjoy the mfm, would like to experiment with a known partner pair but might have issues seeing me in a real swinger type environment, like a club. He said he didn't know why that attitude had changed since the mfm. I said something like we hadn't been seeing each other very long at that point so there weren't any issues with sharing. His response was something along the lines of it was fun with a known partner because it wasn't "sport fucking." I was mixing a margarita at the time so was trying to focus on that

The pair of them are really trying to dig for info on my dating life with Joe and I am not giving out much more info than the activities and condom use.
I am feeling there is a little quid pro quo mentally with the pair of them. They are giving me all kinds of unasked for details in the hopes that I will spill about Joe and each other. Prof's has told me both times recently that I am the only person he is seeing, Kip is saying the same, he is only seeing me, but giving details about his chats and the coffee meet. Little ironic as only a few months ago I was concerned about their seemingly very active sex lives.
I have been following Mags thread about her concerns with Ginger. I get it. I was worried about being out of the loop but yet too much information was overwhelming, there was another and another and another. Finding my internal balance has taken a while. I am am accepting that how they run their sex lives is different to me. I suspect Prof might go a little crazy once Ms Text escapes. Interesting to see if I maintain the calm in the face of a potential dating frenzy. His recent disclosure about not wanting to participate in "sport fucking" is interesting.
The "dont' ask much and don't tell much" is different with Ms Text in the sense that she is no longer my active metamour as such, but my lover's lover who is dying. We don't discuss their relationship per se but more the practicalities of dealing with grief, loved one's families, and the hospice experience. Does that make sense? So we talk about her, but no longer is the focus on why she wants to veto me or her various problems with Prof's other partners.
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  #176  
Old 04-30-2014, 04:48 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I received a group text. Ms Text passed this evening.
My response was...

...... has found her successful escape. My thoughts are with you all tonight.

I don't know what else to say. Prof and Ms Text and the family wanted the last few days to be a celebration and not filled with sadness. I know he did not want to hear 'Sorry for your loss," or "deepest condolences".

I hope this is an ok reply.

But I am sorry for the loss. I know he loves her dearly.
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  #177  
Old 05-03-2014, 03:38 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I did not see Kip this week. He said he is not doing well at work and was in a generally crappy mood. He is having a work sponsored vacation coming up soon and is feeling even more pressure as he will be gone for nearly 2 weeks. I am feeling very little sympathy about paid-for tropical vacations being inconvenient.

I got a brief text from Prof last night. He is back in town and "returning slowly."
I haven't messaged him at all since Tuesday, figure he needs space and time.
I am kid free tomorrow night so might see him then.

I had great fun with Joe at the comedy night. We did a combo babysit at my place. I paid the regular amount for my 2 and ask Joe to kick in extra for the plus 1. So she got paid very well, totally worth it my opinion, and fairly sure she will agree to do 3 again.
We were making out like teenagers in the car after. The irony of it, 2 adults with their own homes and no where to have sex. We tried to get into position in his car, but no way. Was fun trying

My 2 are having a night with their aunt and cousins at a local hotel. So I get a bonus free night and plan to spend it with Joe at his place. I am kind of not looking forward to it. I had a bad night with critters and kids waking me up, tired this morning, and Joe is a snorer, has one of those breathing machines and the memory foam mattress. But we have spent only one night together in 2 months and he has been asking.
Might try to have a nap this afternoon.
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  #178  
Old 05-04-2014, 04:26 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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No bonus night last night. The ex made up the story of the hotel invitation. Whilst Ex thought it would be a great idea, his sister never said anything of the sort and they had never discussed it, the conversation he said they had was a complete fabrication. After persuading the oldest that it would be a fun experience to take a suitcase and watch movies, I had to back pedal and say daddy had made a mistake. The little one had tears. I have promised to round up camping gear today and book a local site for a test camp.
I had to cancel Joe, I was embarrassed, but he was very understanding.

Prof had been texting off and on all day and said he would come round and watch tv for a bit. He turned up late, I was pretty much asleep already, we chatted a bit, I fell asleep on the sofa. I said he could stay if he wanted but he said he was socializing in small doses and an hour was fine. We are meeting today for lunch and he will let me try to put his tent in his garden. I need something that I can manage alone.

The lack of sex is disturbing, May the 4th be with you.
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  #179  
Old 05-07-2014, 10:14 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Focusing on Prof...
We met Sunday for brunch, checkout the tent and a quick fuck. Didn't talk about Ms. Text much at all. Just that he is trying to return to normal very slowly. I was surprised about the sex, but he initiated so I responded

Saw him last night for a movie, first time at the cinema together ever, then some food and chat and back to mine to watch tv ( more screen time but whatever ) and he stayed the night and slept the whole night.

There was actually a lot of talk between the start of the movie, eating and then bed time. I did my usual blethering about the kids and what I was up to and planning. Rather bizarre part is that Prof wants to get involved.

As we know getting him to commit to anything is nigh on impossible due to the rules, so to actually have him ask to join in instead of me asking and getting the brush of is extremely peculiar. He wants to join us camping in the summer. I was like "really?" . 2 small kids and lots of dirt? I was incredulous to his face. He is all keen to join for at least a few days.

I changed my home phone and number so I could save some more money for my "rum drink in coconut shell" vacation. He is all keen to go to Hawaii, might even pay???? He has a weekend trip out of state this weekend, wanted me to go with him. I have kids and Joe so said no, he wants to book something for the weekend after. I said do it.

My 2 are interested in becoming ninjas and I have been discussing my search for something that I can afford for the 2 of them to do. Prof used to do Aikido, and just sent me an email, as in email with more than 2 sentences!!!!! with links for local dojos, little story about his Aikido experience and would the kids and I like to go and watch him take a class. ????? He hasn't done Aikido for years and seems suddenly keen to get back into it. He also found a 4 day intro thing over the summer which is not too pricey. So he has spent time looking into this for us.

There were a lot more little moments too, a more insecure side that I rarely get to see. Almost a little, "Can you take care of me and can I join in?

What are we getting from this? Some clutching at straws? Major partner replacement? Freed from the rules so able to join in as he has always wanted too? Probably all of the above to some degree.
I think I am providing constant and familiar.

It is somewhat overwhelming for me. I am used to us discussing plans that rarely overlap. To actually have him want to participate and for me to join him is not what we do.

There were 5 outright asks and one implied. As always, I will carry on and do what I have planned and if he wants to join then is welcome, and if he doesn't then nothing new. I will see if he actually arranges something for next weekend.
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  #180  
Old 05-08-2014, 02:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
What are we getting from this? Some clutching at straws? Major partner replacement? Freed from the rules so able to join in as he has always wanted too? Probably all of the above to some degree.
I think I am providing constant and familiar.
And probably some comfort and distraction from the pain and grief.
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"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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