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  #161  
Old 04-09-2014, 01:37 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I got 2 group texts from Prof this morning.
I misunderstood it at first. Ms Text is going into hospice care. I took it to mean rehab and that she was getting ready to go home. He said last week he was going up there cause she was heading home.
Then the second text, he is taking a leave of absence from work to be with her. Then the penny dropped, hospice not rehab, the end must be fairly close.
I can't believe how fast it has come, she was only diagnosed in October.
It took me about an hour to reply, text seems so wrong for this type of thing, but I decided calling was not the right thing either. If he wanted to talk he would have called. A very simple, "My thoughts are with you both."
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  #162  
Old 04-09-2014, 02:11 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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What does she have? Cancer? Just wondering. He must be a wreck. I'm sure it will be a while before you see him again. I think your text was perfect.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #163  
Old 04-10-2014, 01:19 AM
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I PMed you NYC.

I had a little poly dream or wish. I hoped that one day Ms Text would talk to me and discover that I am not a cowgirl. I never had any designs to be Prof's one and only. I never wanted to go to neighbourhood bbqs or fundraisers, or family events with him. I have no interest in fighting over Xmas or Thanksgiving. I hoped that we could discuss some of the rules and ease back on a few like the toothbrush, leaving some jammies, not hiding teabags in the garbage, gifts, birthdays, and the occasional long weekend. That we could go to a concert without her getting upset ( we never went to one, she objected every time) or know that I am borrowing the scooter. He let me take a picture of us the other week, the first one in a year, cause that is not allowed either.
And now that will not happen. All the rules will evaporate soon but not because we negotiated change and came to some understandings but because she will be gone. I will remain the person who she wanted to veto on a fairly regular basis.
I am sad that we never worked anything out. I am sad that I will have to see Prof in a state of grief. I don't want to see changes happen because she is gone, I wanted changes to happen because it was the right thing to do.
I am nervous to go round to Prof's again, because there will be no need for panicked texts saying I forgot my whatever, can you hide it? There will be no need to hide my toothbrush at the back of the sink in the spare bathroom or push the teabags deep into the garbage. And we will both be completely aware of why.
This shouldn't be about me, but there will be changes.
I am just sad.
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  #164  
Old 04-11-2014, 02:27 PM
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After much thought, I sent Prof a text yesterday asking him if he would like some random chit chat texts or prefer not now. He said he would "welcome the distraction." So I chatted a bit about some stuff at work. I will send some light hearted news each day.
Why? I felt that I could back away and leave him to it, but then thought that he is my "boyfriend" or "lover" or whatever word you use and if it was his brother or a another person he was with then I would keep in contact and offer support. I would do the same with for a friend or family member too. I also thought that it would be something I would like in similar circumstances. A bit of random silly and funny pop up in my messages. And of course he is free to reply or not as it suits him.


I went to see Joe last night and met his son. It went very well. I helped him with homework and then sat with Joe while he played video games. Joe later said that he liked me, so all good. My kids have an evening at school with video and pizza, I forget the term " parent's night out" or something. It was part of the school fundraising event. Joe will come up for a few hours and we can walk into town. timing is not good for sex

I am meeting Kip for his birthday next week. I ordered him a little something that he had mentioned before. But I suspect what he would really like is lots of birthday sex
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  #165  
Old 04-13-2014, 01:49 AM
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Prof is coming round tonight, he is in town for the night. He wanted to go for dinner but I have the kids and we have been out most of the day with Roomie and his 2. We all are tired, good fun day kind of tired. I couldn't imagine trying to find a sitter and getting ready to go out.

Joe's son enjoyed meeting me and wants me to come back soon and help with his homework. I am glad first meeting went well and am more than happy to do homework help.

I suggested we do a Brady Bunch expedition next Saturday and gave a few ideas, Joe thinks that would be great. The kids are not all close in age but hopefully minijoe will get enjoy it.( Minijoe is the best nickname I could come up with. )

Hopefully will see Kip a couple of times next week. We have both been trying to do more than one meet a week but struggling with the times. We aren't chatting much on IM anymore. I miss it and told him so. He said he can't so much as his minion is with him most of the day, hence trying to meet more FTF. I will be quiet at work due to many away for spring break and can take some time.

Apparently the job I am all keen on is already gone, they will advertise and interview because they have to legally, but a friend told me today who has taken the position. I will still apply and interview because I haven't interviewed for a job in years, so good practice and preparation for the future. And I can ask the boss for an interview review after for some pointers. Bit of shame but there it is.
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  #166  
Old 04-15-2014, 03:59 AM
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Going to post in chronological order...
Saturday night with Prof. He came round early for him.
They are preparing Ms Text's "Escape Plan". Doesn't seem like it will be much longer from what he said. He seems ok, tired and stressed but coping.
I suggested meeting for lunch, I would come up to him, but he said he wanted to try and stick to regular Wednesday night. He said it is a break. He played with the "squids" as he calls them, for a while. He brought take-away so we ate that and talked. Watched tv and held hands, he mixed me margaritas and I was a bit tipsy. Talked about Ms. Text here and there. He asked about Joe, I said it was going well. He said I am his only sex partner right now. The others have fallen to the side. We did have some good sex. I was surprised, didn't initiate myself in anyway.
I am glad he sees me as a retreat and escape and feels comfortable and connected to enough to spend his one night in town with me. I was quite prepared not see him for an extended period of time.
It's just a strange position to be in. I would like a little rule book of what to do and how to behave under these circumstances. But I seem to be doing ok with the right and appropriate amount of contact.

Sunday, tennis and park in the am and then my other friend had another birthday event in the afternoon, so I called Joe and said want to do a group kid outing? It went really well, the kids got on great, my 2 enjoyed Minijoe and Minijoe enjoyed being the boss. We took kites, got tangled, rolled down hills and the kids wrestled for ages.

It is Kip's birthday tomorrow, he is coming to spend the day. I booked the car in for its very overdue oil change and service so took a day off. The timing was not coincidental He will pick me up from the garage and spend the day together. I have made him a chocolate whiskey mousse. He loves mousse. And got him a little gift.

I am seeing Joe again on Friday, we are both taking the afternoon off. I am going a bit crazy this week!

Prof on Wednesday and if he can't make it, will work hard on class.

I am picking away at class this week , I had a nice break from that the week before as they were on spring break, Would be nice if everyone could coordinate the same vacation time!
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  #167  
Old 04-15-2014, 10:28 PM
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I had a simply lovely day with Kip.
I felt we needed a little more time to reconnect and hang out and we had it today.
He was genuinely thrilled with his birthday gift and loved the mousse too. He picked me up, we had great sex, tea and mousse, more sex, lunch and he took me back for my car.
I told him over lunch that I missed him being on IM and being available for advice. He said he knew there was less chat but again said it was due to his minion being around, and that he missed it too, but to ping or email and he will get back to me.
I did get some good advice on the divorce and job situation. He is a smart man and I value his input. I was pretty much prepared to sign over a lot to the ex yesterday just to get done with him. Kip said run it past a lawyer first. One hour for a consult should give me all the answers. Dad said the same, friend said sign while ex is being cooperative. I needed a swing vote I have a call in to the lawyer for an appointment.
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  #168  
Old 04-18-2014, 04:02 PM
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Prof couldn't make it Wednesday, no surprise really. He is back in town for the weekend. I have offered to make him dinner, he said he has been eating take-away or restaurant food every night. I know he enjoys a home cooked meal.
I have been cooking for everyone this week. I have the time to think about recipes and make special trips to the shops to pick up ingredients. Last night the kids and I made cupcakes and I made a batch of snickerdoodles for Joe. I hate butter cookies so was expecting them to be similar , but was pleasantly surprised. I am making some things for lunch on Monday with the girls, then back to whining and moaning every time I set foot in the kitchen.
I saw Joe and Minijoe on Wednesday night. Minijoe made me mac and cheese for dinner.
Joe asked if I want to do a kid trip on Saturday, so we are going to a state park with caves and there may be some bats. My 2 are excited. We did the same hike a few years ago, or was it this time last year? and I ended up carrying the little one the last mile or so back to the car after a little fall. Hopefully we will all make it under our own steam.
This is what I wanted from a relationship, someone to do this type of thing with. Pick a destination and go do it. I have lots of things we can do. yes, we can an do go by ourselves but it is just more fun with someone else and an extra pairs of eyes!
I really need to try and round up some camping gear. I have all sorts of offers of bits and pieces but never actually get my hands on them. It would be fun to try and do some camping with Roomie and his 2.
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  #169  
Old 04-18-2014, 04:17 PM
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Speaking of which my best friend has been saying that we don't see each other so much anymore. We used to do Saturday trips with the kids every weekend until she changed shifts at work. We still do cups of tea and play dates with kids, I made her lunch this week, but not the big blocks of time we had. So she is changing her work schedule to week days only so we can go back to that and then she still has Sundays to do family stuff.
Making time so relationships work. I am glad. I miss her too.
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  #170  
Old 04-20-2014, 03:58 PM
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The trip with Joe and Minijoe didn't exactly work out, they went to the wrong entrance and there is no connection across the park and of course no phone signal. But my 2 and I had fun. Did the loop twice so we could go back through the caves with flashlights. Had our snacks, climbed rocks and got an ice cream.
I was pretty wiped when we got home, gym in the morning and then lots of walking up steep hills and climbing stairs plus a longish drive, but I had offered to make Prof dinner, so I did.

Ms Text update is that she was on 72 hours at the beginning of the week but has rallied somewhat. All her family has arrived.

Interesting moments with Prof about how he is coping. He said he is trying to disconnect a little emotionally. He believes that if you spend too much time with someone who is dying then when they go a part of your spirit goes with them. I said that is one philosophy, he said no, that is what happens, some of your spirit dies with them. I let that drop.
I don't believe in spirits and souls and the like, I believe in the memories and feelings and particularly words that loved ones leave behind.

He said he really enjoyed dinner, he pretty much did the sauce and a salad dressing, he likes cooking. It was veggie heaven, stuffed peppers, fresh artichoke, veggie pasta and salad. And said he was glad that he had someone who cared enough to cook and watch classic sci-fi with. We kissed, cuddled and talked for a while in bed till I fell asleep and then he left.
No idea when I'll see him next, his brother is coming for a couple of days. Lots of time in the city and popping back to take care of his business. He is still on leave from his salaried job.

Kip has a coffee date tomorrow. Good for him. I find myself quite happily not all that interested in what he is doing in the dating world. I still doubt he is being totally truthful. As long as I take care of my health, he can do what he likes.

I did get some basic STD tests run. All clear.
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