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  #11  
Old 07-29-2013, 03:29 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
No wonder you feel crazy. It has only been a week since you found out about their months long affair and they are just carrying on like nothing happened? And this woman is in to to you after one face to face meeting? I would not expect immediate friendship either. Tell her to back the hell up and tell your husband what you need. Sweet baby Jesus in a bedazzled onesie. Why is she pushing for a relationship, intimate contact, or at the very least a friendship with you when she does not know you?
It is a good question. Perhaps she feels guilty - although she is not at fault? And / or perhaps in lying to the poly woman about his wife's knowing, he has talked about the wife to the poly woman and she *feels* like she knows the wife? Or some combination thereof.
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  #12  
Old 07-29-2013, 03:50 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I cannot speak for anyone but myself, if I were the OP, asking for some time to process, fully grasp what has been going on, and working on the marriage, would seem fair. It just seems like the OP's metamour is kind of pushing too soon for too much, and she is uncomfortable with it. Rightfully so. She may know of the OP, but she does not know her personally.

OP, are you even poly? You mentioned in your intro that you and your DH had an open relationship prior to marriage. I am assuming both of you, but I am not entirely sure. I guess I am wondering why he did not just come to you and say, "Hey. Is it possible for us to open our marriage, or at least discuss it," instead of cheating on and possibly hurting you? Maybe that was too simple.
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  #13  
Old 07-29-2013, 04:32 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Originally Posted by jlbrickler View Post
She met him thinking this was going to be a poly relationship from the beginning they met built a foundation and then I found out, as far as she knew I was in the know the whole time. Now that I know months later they feel like everyone has been together for months where as it has been a week for me and only one face to face meeting.
Geesh, that's freaking dark. If I stuck around after someone had been so disgusting (your husband) I'm pretty sure I might have a breakdown about my shoes as well.

Are you really ok with this situation?

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Originally Posted by jlbrickler View Post
I have explained it to them and they understand but can i really blame them for it being difficult to pretend that they don't already have a relationship? Logically I understand mentally it is hard.
It isn't unreasonable for them to already have this relationship, because they've been building it on a lie that your husband has been telling both of you for months.

However, that is totally unrelated to how this EGREGIOUS breach in trust might impact your view of your relationship. He was living a double life with BOTH of you... man that's just gross. He must be a pretty talented liar.
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  #14  
Old 07-29-2013, 02:37 PM
westVan westVan is offline
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Originally Posted by jlbrickler View Post
the right to influence this relationship is very much mine considering that I am his wife and a much more permanent part of his life.
WOW !!
That staement really makes me shake my head. Personally you really need to rethink that and start some honest communication with both of them if that is your attitude.,
Sorry but I wouldnt want to be in a relationship with you both if I were her, does she know that is what you think?
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  #15  
Old 07-29-2013, 02:40 PM
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Sorry but I wouldnt want to be in a relationship with you both if I were her, does she know that is what you think?
I presume this poly girl knows that her bf has been lying to her about his secret wife for months. Seeing as how she is now ok with continuing the relationship I'm guessing she's on board with whatever kind of crazy these two can dish out.
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