Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 07-24-2013, 04:37 AM
mhjb2801's Avatar
mhjb2801 mhjb2801 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: NE wisconsin
Posts: 10
Default

I left poly because i was in the case of wanting kids and none of my partners wanted kids. One went as far as to get sterilized during our relationship. I dated mono with someone who was open to poly knowing there was a chance of only being mono. Now flash forward 2 kids later we're poly and happy. it took us a while to get here... and we're happy.

Having kids now i worry about who we expose the kids to, so far they've yet to meet someone we're dating. We don't want to expose them to someone who will be gone in a few months. We've also found some people are turned off from it and are all for poly dating till they find out about the kids and then they head the other way.

Now the way we make it work was we had the kids and paid off all debt so i could be a stay at home mom for them and cut extras... it's still not easy, but we make it work.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 07-24-2013, 05:54 AM
alexi alexi is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Aukland
Posts: 42
Default

I think a wide enough poly will be a great stabilizer.
Alexi
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 07-24-2013, 11:53 AM
Dagferi's Avatar
Dagferi Dagferi is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 943
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by alexi View Post
The uncertainty of a poly relationship makes it very detrimental for having children. This could be a major drawback of polyamory - without atleast a proper economic support system. Am I right?
Alexi
I know mono people who have kids and change their partners like underwear. Murf has been in my life well over a year. My kids' lives close to 8 months. They have gained an additional adult who cares about them in their lives and an extended family who cares about them. Oh yeah that's horrible.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 07-24-2013, 02:25 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,109
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by alexi View Post
I think a wide enough poly will be a great stabilizer.
Alexi
Alexi, what does this even mean? What is a "wide enough poly?"
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 07-24-2013, 04:33 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Alexi, what does this even mean? What is a "wide enough poly?"
It's like an obtuse triangle instead of an acute triangle.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 07-24-2013, 06:07 PM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 431
Default As poly relationships no longer need be closeted

As as more and more people stand up and speak up for those who are persecuted for having the courage to not slink away and accept wrongful discrimination, people are going to face every bullshit false accusation you could ever imagine.

If you ever find yourself in a position where you face a custody battle, it is crucial that you contact a poly-advocate agency, as they should be able to get you the help you need.

You do not have to roll over and accept bigotry

One thing to keep in mind, is you do not have to answer any questions from idiots who will twist your words and use them against you. You are allowed to maintain a private life, and those are exactly the type of people who you should keep your private life private.

The second thing to remember, is that children are not affected in any way by healthy relationships of the parents. It is the unhealthy relationships that cause problems, and poly does not mean "unhealthy" any more than monogamy means "unhealthy" so do NOT let some idiot bully you into believing such utter bull crap, further more when children of a poly household are negatively affected, it is usually due to the bigoted, hateful behavior exhibited towards the children by those who condemn poly-relationships.

It's the sick bastards who do not approve of polyamory, and make sure to make the children feel uncomfortable about the parents, and that is abusive. If you are out to your children it may be wise to at least teach them to recognize when that may be going on, and to come to you or another trusted adult should they encounter such behavior

It is the people's attitude and treatment of those who practice polyamory, not polyamory itself that kids have a hard time with. It took a long time for family psychologists to realize this, but it is fact. The entire time bigots and so-called advocates who were so worried about a childs well being when growing up in a household with same sex parents, while it was those very people's behavior that was doing the actual damage to the kids

unless the children witness physical violence, or any occurrence that is known to negatively affect a child in traditional male/female parent households, polyamory has no negative affect on children.

if anything, the affects are positive due to all the reasons mentioned by others in this thread. You would be amazed at the positive affect that simply sharing the stress of parenting, and that weight be carried by three or more as opposed to one or two adults.

anybody who tells you it isn't a good environment is ignorant

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 07-24-2013 at 06:14 PM. Reason: typo
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 07-24-2013, 06:24 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

Of course, if you don't have kids, you don't have to deal with any of that. Plus you can leave your butt plugs in the dishwasher any time, day or night.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 07-25-2013, 06:52 PM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 431
Default meanwhile the lest of the people

can be working on ensuring that the world doesn't bow down to some old traditional relationship model, enforcing monogamy or else paying the price of losing your job and being persecuted, so that people don't have to be afraid to be out

which if you are honest about it, not being able to recognize partners other than one person at a time has played a serious role in relationships not working out because it can easily make a person feel neglected, but your right some people can use it as an excuse to decidedly neglect their partners, as in every demographic there will always be good and bad people.

Plus while others are doing important work, you could spent your time ensuring that people stick to the pre-planned vocabulary so that it eventually catches on, even though your not worried about it, nor care, really. As that would be more productive than snide remarks regarding the important issues
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 08-06-2013, 04:13 AM
NowIKnow NowIKnow is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 14
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
20 yrs with GG, 15 yrs with Maca.
Raised 21 yo daughter
17 yo stepson
16 yo godson
13 yo son
6 yo daughter
Had 20 yo sister 1/2 time

I suppose if one CHOOSES to do poly in transient relationships that would pose complications. But if one chooses to have multiple permanent relationships-thats still poly...

Furthermore, all of my exes are still family friends and maintain close ties with my children which has been wonderful for everyone, kids included.
In my fantasy world, my wife and I purchase a home with the woman I consider my best friend who wants desperately to have children but can't seem to find the right man. Anyway, I and this other woman have children together and the three of us share the responsibility of raising them. My wife, that prefers to stay home but loves kids would be the primary care giver while I and the biological mother would provide for everyone financially.

Unfortunately for me, neither agree with polyamory and I'm getting too damn old anyway. Only regret I've had is not having children so I'm forced to live in a fantasy world. My wife can't have children without stopping her seizure medication, which she was willing to do at the age of 36 but I chose her life over any children we may have had.

Just wish the two would join my fantasy world. ...I'll survive though.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:14 PM.