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Old 07-23-2013, 07:55 AM
alexi alexi is offline
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Smile Single, poly and having kids

It is great to be poly. But in reality how does one fulfill the desire for children and their upbringing (all expenses included) particularly when this poly relationship can be fluid by its very character; besides being single? What has been your practical experience or of someone you know who has gone ahead and having dealt with the uncertainty of polyamorous relationships?
Alexi
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Old 07-23-2013, 03:51 PM
Flowerchild Flowerchild is offline
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Originally Posted by alexi View Post
It is great to be poly. But in reality how does one fulfill the desire for children and their upbringing (all expenses included)
In all reality, two person (by which I mean two adults) households, raising a family, are no longer really sufficient. You need at least three adults. I mean, sure, it's possible....but less and less so, and it's very hard. Two working parents? You need a nanny. If anything goes wrong, parent loses a job, medical tragedy, house burns down....you need a third income to weather those times.

I've seen this with my own parents...in particular...financially...and with my primary and his family. He doesn't just WANT me; he NEEDS me.
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Old 07-23-2013, 03:59 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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I agree, I am a single parent (by choice) but really have strong feelings about raising a child in a poly home, as long as the relationships are healthy and stable of course, the whole family benefits from the additional parents in the home. Unfortunately it hasn't happened yet but I am hopeful
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Old 07-23-2013, 04:56 PM
Flowerchild Flowerchild is offline
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as long as the relationships are healthy and stable of course
Well, but that holds with any household, right? Poly or otherwise.
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Old 07-23-2013, 04:59 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
Well, but that holds with any household, right? Poly or otherwise.
Darn tootin...
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  #6  
Old 07-24-2013, 01:40 AM
alexi alexi is offline
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The uncertainty of a poly relationship makes it very detrimental for having children. This could be a major drawback of polyamory - without atleast a proper economic support system. Am I right?
Alexi
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Old 07-24-2013, 01:45 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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What makes you think that all poly relationships are uncertain and not to be counted upon? The stability or "certainty" of ALL relationships, whether poly or mono, depend on the people involved. Monogamous relationships break up, and polyamorous relationships can last. There are plenty of poly people raising children and co-parenting, and totally committed for the long term. It sounds like you've had some bad experiences and are projecting those onto all poly arrangements.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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Old 07-24-2013, 02:03 AM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Agreed. My marriage of 17 years pooped the bed a couple years back. Having a road map does not equal having certainty.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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Old 07-24-2013, 02:35 AM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Runic Wolf and I have an 11 year old; my boyfriend Wendigo and his wife Pretty Lady have a 16 year old. Our being poly has not effected the boys' stability in the 4 years that we've been together. Financially the 4 of us have run the gambit from poor, on temporary assistance, near homelessness to employed full time, beginning to pay down debts to mandatory OT for months. We help each other out when we can, but generally we've all been down on our luck at the same time. This was not caused by poly nor helped by poly. . . it was just the economy. Inspite of financial insecurity at times, the boys were fed, clothed, loved, and educated. Wendigo's son has grown from a scrawny kid into a JROTC Cadet who is leaving for college in years time while ours has grown from a child into a pre-teen with all that it entails.
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  #10  
Old 07-24-2013, 03:35 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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20 yrs with GG, 15 yrs with Maca.
Raised 21 yo daughter
17 yo stepson
16 yo godson
13 yo son
6 yo daughter
Had 20 yo sister 1/2 time

I suppose if one CHOOSES to do poly in transient relationships that would pose complications. But if one chooses to have multiple permanent relationships-thats still poly...

Furthermore, all of my exes are still family friends and maintain close ties with my children which has been wonderful for everyone, kids included.
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