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  #191  
Old 08-11-2014, 05:09 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Thanks, Mags!

I don't mind the blue, and I purchased some grout cleaner/sealer to see if it looks better once the grubby grout is cleaned up. My big concern is that the floor may not completely extend underneath the vanity, in which case, we'd need to replace it anyway. Luckily, it's pretty small, square-footage-wise.

If I have to pull it up, I'm going to try to salvage as many as I can. The tile itself is neat, and it may be worth saving for a future project.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #192  
Old 08-21-2014, 12:40 AM
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Well, here I sit on the couch with the back of my knee iced and elevated, while I SHOULD be working on the bathroom... sigh.

This tendonitis is really pissing me off.

Saw the doctor on Monday, who didn't really give me any new information except to ice it 3x/day, rest and elevate it, and gave me a prescription for some super-ibuprofen of some type. Yay. There's a lot of stuff I want to DO (the house is a friggin' pig sty!), but when the leg gets all sore, I have to learn to quit, or I have a miserable night's sleep. Double yay.

I'm not as cranky as I could be, though. I guess I've got that going for me.

The luau went well (with Chops, Xena, AND Noa). Noa and I get along really well, and she's an absolute hoot. The luau itself was awful (think of a giant tailgate party with a cover charge and no free anything except Walgreens swag... Woo!), but we had fun, drank the only good beer there (everything else was too hoppy... bleh), and then hung out back at Chops & Xena's place.

There was only one "oh, for fuck's sake" moment of the night, and it was pretty much a misunderstanding (thinking Chops had gone off to get busy with Noa, leaving me and Xena to just futz around and go to bed after we figured he wasn't coming back). Come to find out, he was convincing Noa that NO, she wasn't in any shape to drive home, and we all ended up going out, bringing her home, and then getting 1am food (BAD IDEA) on the way home. All in all, misunderstanding aside, it was a really good night.

I find Noa really easy to get along with, and we click pretty well as friends (at least, so far). I'm looking forward to spending more time with her (and I'm actually trying to plan a Cards Against Humanity night with everyone).

So... I was worried it was going to feel like "the triad plus YouAreHere" and it didn't. The night felt like a bunch of friends hanging out, and I didn't end up feeling like the nth wheel. It felt MUCH better than it usually does when the three of us hang out, maybe because the dynamic with the four of us ends up with the group either all together or splitting up into various pairs, not leaving anyone off to the side. Speed bump navigated. All is well. Looking forward to traveling the road again.

Bathroom renovation is going VERY slowly, due to this damned pegleg of mine. Hell, the rugs look like the cats exploded on them, and I have been ordered by Chops to LEAVE IT ALONE until he comes home tomorrow.

It bugs. It bugs sooooooo bad.

Ah well. Time to watch this faux Bee Gees concert on public TV, pay the bills, and surf the internet. Look at this wild woman go!

What *am* I doing on my butt? I should be dancing! YEAH!
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #193  
Old 08-21-2014, 12:49 AM
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Oh! Almost forgot...

I talked with the kids a bit (individually) about Chops and how they were feeling, etc. Pokégirl (my 10-year-old) was just peachy... she likes Chops and she doesn't seem to feel put out at all by his presence.

My oldest (Dancegirl) and I went to a 5k last week (yeah - pegleg couldn't even walk the thing... wah!), and I talked with her a bit in the car. She won't go so far as to say she doesn't like Chops, but she "eeeeeh'ed" it when I asked. She thinks he's around "a lot", so I explained that yes, we consider this his home too, so he splits time between his home south and here, but he tries to give us space and not take away from my time with her and Pokégirl. After feeling her out a bit, I reiterated that she doesn't have to like him, just respect him, but he does like the two of them and just keeps his distance because he doesn't want to interfere with our time together.

That night, she actually said "hello" to him when we walked in the door, which is amazing in and of itself. I'm not expecting miracles, but a bit more ease around each other would be nice. Baby steps...
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #194  
Old 08-21-2014, 08:51 PM
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Garriguette Garriguette is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
Well, here I sit on the couch with the back of my knee iced and elevated, while I SHOULD be working on the bathroom... sigh.

This tendonitis is really pissing me off.
It's really hard to be patient while healing, isn't it? If only cats could be trained to vacuum and do laundry...

I hope that resting it helps, and that you find ways to get some people time without aggravating it.
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  #195  
Old 08-22-2014, 12:47 PM
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Thanks, Garriguette!

If my cats could vacuum, then at least they'd be able to clean up their own damned tumbleweeds! Perhaps I should get a Roomba and let them ride it around all day...

My extroverted self is itching to have more time with friends, so I've got an email going around with the girls from work to figure out a "girls' night in". I need to figure out when my annual cookout for my college friends will be, and I'm working this Cards Against Humanity night thing. Heck, I chatted up a political canvasser last weekend when he came by the house. I am an Introvert's worst nightmare!

Ah well... The leg is feeling a bit better today (knock wood). It's iced for the moment, and we'll see how it goes. Have a great day, all!
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #196  
Old 08-24-2014, 06:04 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Sorry your leg still hurts, YAH! It's been going on a while. Oh getting older is SO fun. Not for the faint of heart.

I am glad you made a little difference in helping Dancegirl relate to Chops! I've been so lucky in that regard. My kids have always loved miss pixi. Maybe women are easier to love...
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

A standing prick hath no conscience. --Bill Shakespeare

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 60, poly-dating, and loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, poly, 38
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  #197  
Old 08-29-2014, 10:01 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Thanks, Mags! Leg is getting better, but slowly. And I'm the impatient type, so I do things that make me go "ow" and then I slow down again. But still... improvement! I finish out the week resting it, and then I can step up the activity. I think I'll walk before running this time.

Bathroom is moving at a snail's pace, since I wasn't doing anything (because of ol' pegleg) for a while. This weekend, we'll do some more work on it. Hoorah!

Spent today posting another blog post on the external blog (link in .sig). I listened to Minx's Poly Weekly podcast on Mono/Poly relationships, and while I thought much of it was pretty good, I took exception to a couple parts. Of course, I decided to go blather about it because that's my bit.

Also went up to Mom's town with all the paperwork so I could finally close out her bank account and PO box. Ugh. I wasn't sure if I'd drive around and explore, but when I was done, I just wanted to go. It felt hollow being up there without her around.

Estate administration is a whole lot of bureaucratic steps for something that seems like it should be easy. Blech. At any rate, I applied for an EIN so I can work off the debts of the estate (joy), and I'll be in business tomorrow once I can open an account.

So... Chops is home tonight (yay), chili is in the crockpot (yay), kids will be here a bit later (yay), bathroom will make progress this weekend (yay), and the estate will start moving (yay). With all those 'yays' it was time to pour a glass of bubbly (I'd already started the bottle last night to celebrate Market Basket coming back from the almost-dead - woo hoo!) and toast mom.

So now it's mom's fault I'm a smidge tipsy before dinner. Shame on you, mom. Shame...

Hope you all have a nice weekend - looking forward to having Monday off! Woo!
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #198  
Old 08-30-2014, 12:25 AM
Savedbygrace Savedbygrace is offline
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Hi! I am loving your blog, though I am way back on page 2 right now. Betcha I can catch up by 3am? Ha!
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  #199  
Old 08-30-2014, 12:41 AM
Savedbygrace Savedbygrace is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
Can I just clarify? P is your boyfriend. M1 is his girlfriend. P is also seeing M2 and M1 is seeing M2's husband--so there's something like a quad forming there?
Quote:
Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
Ugh. Exhausted after ragging off mold and throwing away damp, moldy basement stuff until 1am last night. The fact that this is all happening the week I'm PMS'ing really, really doesn't help.

Cleaning one's basement due to moisture and mold is pretty damn close to losing weight because you're sick. The results are okay, but what an awful process.

I am realizing that, as the enormity of this project slowly unfolds, I am really having a hard time finding a balance between self-sufficiency and wanting to rely on P.

I've never lived alone, which doesn't really help... If I'd had these couple of years in the house alone before starting up my relationship, maybe my "problem solver" side would take charge a bit more quickly than the overwhelmed "oh no, no, no, no, make it go away" side. Who knows...

Still, this is a hard lesson to learn simply because the opportunities (thankfully) don't come all that often, and when they do, they involve something shitty happening to the house.

I want to rely on P. He wants me to be able to rely on him. But he's not here. So... do I flip the switch and say fine, I'm alone, time to be self-sufficient? Self-sufficiency is good, yes, and I think that's the way to go, but in the process, I end up detaching myself from even wanting to rely on P - detaching myself from even thinking that I can, and thus begins the emotional back-and-forth ("I can do this myself!" / "Why aren't you heeeeeeeere???").

Once I detach like that, it's hard to flip the switch back when he is here. Like I need to prove to myself that I can do it without his help if I'm going to get anywhere in this relationship when these types of things pop up.

Bleh.

Part of the problem is that the moisture is threatening a lot of the stuff I stored downstairs - stuff I don't want to lose (the kids' papers, some of the more meaningful christmas decorations, other momentos - I remember losing a lot of the kids' handmade Xmas decorations a couple years back when a snowglobe burst inside the plastic container they were in. Kindergarten and preschool decorations that really were irreplaceable... I dread experiencing that again). And I, as a "fixer" hate waiting until it dries out. I need to be doing, not waiting. Multiple things to drive me crazy. Certainly not the best emotional state to start from.

Well, hey... at least I get to ramble about it here. Lucky you?
Yes, I am very lucky to hear you express something I never realized about myself and hubby. We've both been hurt in the past and consequently have needed to be self reliant. But now we are married (11years) and we are still self reliant unless a big crisis comes up....then we get pretty close. I feel like the rest of the time we step back and take care of ourselves by ourselves. I am not sure that is a good thing. I, for one, am getting lonely. So when you said it was hard to re-engage, how did you do this? Before I launch into this possible poly discussion I may need to have one day ( I am mono right now but just beginning to explore poly in my head) with my hubby, I guess it would be fair of me to express my feelings on this.
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  #200  
Old 09-18-2014, 03:53 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Savedbygrace View Post
Yes, I am very lucky to hear you express something I never realized about myself and hubby. We've both been hurt in the past and consequently have needed to be self reliant. But now we are married (11years) and we are still self reliant unless a big crisis comes up....then we get pretty close. I feel like the rest of the time we step back and take care of ourselves by ourselves. I am not sure that is a good thing. I, for one, am getting lonely. So when you said it was hard to re-engage, how did you do this? Before I launch into this possible poly discussion I may need to have one day ( I am mono right now but just beginning to explore poly in my head) with my hubby, I guess it would be fair of me to express my feelings on this.
Hi Savedbygrace,
Sorry I didn't notice this until now... What it really took for us to re-engage was uninterrupted time together, and I mean Quality Time - not time doing anything else, but time talking, snuggling... all that. Reconnect time.

There was a LOT of talking involved regarding my feelings on the whole thing. It was tough, and still can be, although it's getting better with time.

Good luck!
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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