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  #101  
Old 02-07-2014, 11:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SnowCrystal View Post
It is so refreshing to see I am not alone. I am almost feeling forced into a polygamous relationship that I do not want to be in. I am straight monogamous, and he is poly... it is hard. He wants a partner with us other that just us. The other problem is the other girl, him and myself all live together, and I just do not know what to do.
Hey there SnowCrystal,

I caught your other thread and wanted to send a couple more virtual hugs your way. My situation isn't the same as yours, so I may not be able to empathize all that well (sorry), but if you need an ear feel free to PM me (this blog thread may not be the best place if you want to vent ).

Luckily, P and M1 have been extremely respectful and good about trying to all get together and work through our difficult moments when we have them. I tend to have more than they do, but their difficult moments come up once in a while too. It's okay to have feelings and misgivings, and I'm lucky to have a partner and metamour who are understanding of all that.

I just need a place to toss around my thoughts and vent a little once in a while.

Hoping for the best for you...
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids, two cats, one house with many projects.
Chops (previously 'P'): My partner of ~3 years. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena (previously M1): Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa (previously AG): Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

My navel-gazing blog thread:
A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
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  #102  
Old 02-09-2014, 05:27 AM
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Default Difficult night (and day) and a craptacular overreaction.

What a draining couple of days...

Security+ training for work (required), so lots of cramming to remember a multitude of acronyms that all dissolve into alphabet soup after reading/studying a bit too long. Encryption, algorithms, standards, network security, physical security, bla bla bla. And I'm not even really going to use this in my day-to-day activities - this is just required to perform the occasional admin-level login on an isolated system.

So my brain is full and I have just been cooked for the past few days. I still need more studying and drilling, and then need to find a facility that tests for the certification. Then hopefully pass so I can forget about it for the next three years, or until the requirement is dropped.

Tonight was a rough night emotionally as well...

My daughters danced with a girl whose brother committed suicide a few days ago. My niece was friends with him. We went to the candlelight memorial tonight, and it was sweet but so incredibly sad. Both girls were in tears (as was I) and we ended up leaving early because I think it was a bit too much for my youngest.

Ugh.

Last night was emotional as well (and dribbled into this morning), and I am ready to just sleep through tomorrow and into Monday (but alas, the kids have been invited sledding and I plan to chill with the 'rents and have a drink or two ).

I'm pretty annoyed with my reaction, actually. P came to me and mentioned that his buddy wants to get together with him and play some music on Tuesday nights. Great, right? In fact, that's the night I spend extra time with the kids before bringing them back to their dad's, so my first reaction was, "Cool - works for me."

Until I thought, "Oh, every Tuesday?" And started getting all stressed out about what that would mean for our time together, as P wouldn't really be getting home until I was ready to hit the hay, and it would mean that we really wouldn't see each other much at all on those days.

P and I have a two days on / two days off schedule, where he alternates time up north with me and down south with M1, 1.5 hours apart. While our relationship was still pretty young, we didn't have overnights on weekends (and really didn't spend much time together on weekends), since I had my kids on the weekends, and didn't want to overwhelm them with my new relationship so soon after the divorce from their dad. It was extremely difficult, as I am a "Quality Time" person (STRONGLY) and couldn't see myself building a "partner" type of relationship with anyone on anything less than half-time. That was pretty much my limit.

After a while, we were able to introduce P overnight on the weekends, and we pretty much approached a full "half-time" schedule between me and M1.

Every so often, I still feel the pinch for time. The holidays were extremely rough, with activities, things with the kids, family, etc. When I don't have enough "P time" (without M1 or a large group), I get really antsy and start hoarding time with him, occasionally to the point where I'm extremely cognizant of how much time we have left together before he leaves, and being very clingy about it all. It's a sucky place to be, emotionally, and after those triggering events (holidays, vacations away, etc.), I really do need some recharge time with just him.

I'm coming out of my post-holiday "cocoon time" with P. And then immediately swung right back into worrying about how his hanging with his friends every Tuesday would impact us. Started worrying about our time slowly getting picked at, little by little, until it wasn't enough, and I took myself down the rabbit hole emotionally. It ended this morning when I finally plotzed (an apparently amusing flip-out where I tried to storm out of bed, and instead couldn't get the sheets untangled from my legs all that gracefully) and then we finally had a good conversation where I wasn't metering every word coming out of my mouth (too emotional and spent).

It sucks to be the one (the only one) out of me, P, and M1 who is a Quality Time person. They don't get it (although M1 has been extremely accommodating in that respect), and I feel like I'm speaking a foreign language at times. It sucks to think that I may be right at that time balance, where any sort of upset is going to be extremely difficult and unmanageable for any length of time. And it sucks to worry that I may have to be the one to go to P and say, "This isn't working" and have to end it when there's absolutely nothing wrong with the relationship itself (on the contrary, the relationship between us is absolutely fantastic when I'm not dealing with other external triggery stuff).

And I have to back up and go, "It's only a fucking Tuesday night with his friends!"

He's torn between trying to understand and starting to get resentful about having to "ask my permission" to go do something for himself, and I aggravate myself for putting him through all that.

Sigh.

So... After gnawing on it a bit, I'm thinking that all this emotional wonkiness is getting triggered from the wrong thing. The Tuesday nights? What's the result? That I feel the pinch for time? Okay. Been there. Felt that. Dealt with it before.

The REAL trigger should be feeling that pinch for time. THAT is what should get me talking with P and saying, "Okay, I need more time with you - how can we do this?" This is the thing that needs to be dealt with. I can't deal with a "what if" based on fear. I *can* deal with something that actually happens.

Now the trick is getting my heart to agree with my brain in all this and actually shift that focus.

I don't like feeling like a heel when I get all emotionally out of whack and P ends up just not wanting to do whatever it is he initially asked about. I feel manipulative and unstable. I feel like I'm encouraging resentment. And I feel like I'm encouraging P to not be honest with me. Not something I want to encourage.

So... Something else to work on. At the very least, P's understanding (as much as he can be) and we're moving forward.

And boy that glass of Merlot hit me pretty hard tonight. Tweeeeeee...
Methinks it's time for bed, before I babble myself into a corner.

As always, it's an adventure. Not always a pleasant one, but it sure the hell is an adventure.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids, two cats, one house with many projects.
Chops (previously 'P'): My partner of ~3 years. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena (previously M1): Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa (previously AG): Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

My navel-gazing blog thread:
A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
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  #103  
Old 02-10-2014, 03:30 PM
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Default Slightly clearer head today...

This weekend was pretty much a whirlwind, so I'm taking a little time to get this down now that my head's a little clearer (obviously I was cooked - one glass of wine tipped me over the fuzzy-headed stage and I went all rambly).

My thoughts on this whole thing are that it really interrelates closely with the struggle I'm having thinking about P as my partner, given circumstances, distance, and the time available. When we first started this relationship, we struggled to get to the point where we truly were half-time. I babbled about that somewhat in my last post.

And now we're here, barring odd schedule changes or holiday stuff that makes it more group time than "us" time. When it's not getting perturbed, it works, and it's comfortable. When the balance goes awry, though, like it did over the holidays, I go back into needy, time-hoarding mode. My thought going into this was that half-time would be the minimum amount of time I'd need for it to really feel like a partnership - that this was also his home, and that our lives had that amount of interdependency that I desire in a "partner" type of relationship.

And again, when the balance isn't getting tipped, it feels comfortable. But boy, it's easy for it to tip.

This new Tuesday thing felt like it was going to tip the balance again. And I'm sitting here wondering if I either need to dial back what I feel our relationship is (i.e., will I feel better if I call him my "boyfriend" in my head rather than my "partner") and ratchet down my expectations accordingly, or do I need to rewicker what I think a "partnership" is?

At this point, I feel like we struggled so hard to get to a point where we're half-time, and now maybe he's at a point where he can't be happy without taking more time out for himself (which I know he needs), and I can't be happy with less time for us, at least in the relationship we have.

Sigh.

I'll need to see how this Tuesday thing works out, but this is what I'm struggling with right now. If I dial this back, it isn't inconsequential, even though the mechanics of our relationship may not significantly change any. I'll no longer think of him as my partner. I'll no longer think of this as "our" home. I'll no longer want him to be vested in my life at the level I want our lives to be interconnected because I won't want to depend on him, won't want to be able to count on him being there, because that's not what our relationship will be, to me, anymore. And if I ratchet this down, we've been handfasted for a couple years now... I won't be able to do it again this year if it doesn't feel like a partnership to me. It'll feel like a lie if I don't feel that level of commitment. Our relationship will truly be that "leaf on the wind" thing that he subscribes to (that I hate - I'm somewhat of a planner, at least inasmuch as I like to have some control over my own destiny), and I can't count on that to be around if it just floats hither and yon.

So this is heavy. This has the potential to be one of those turning points in our relationship, and I'm not sure where we're going to end up. It stinks because there's nothing in our relationship itself that's problematic. We're damned good together, and that makes this potential decision even harder.

So, we wait and see if I feel the pinch. And if I do, then we have to make a decision. I don't want to go forward with a relationship where one of us is doomed to be unhappy. I don't want to give him a hard time about picking away at "our" time when he needs time for himself - that way lies resentment, and the last thing I want is for him to resent me for trying to keep our relationship something it may not be able to be.

I'm hoping that his "me time" doesn't feel like too big an impact, but I've gone over it in my head and I think I'm ready for the alternative. I guess this is what's meant by not being attached to an outcome? I'm ready for either and I'm done trying to steer it. But I don't want to give up too soon either. I guess we'll both know when it's not working. We'll just need to be honest when each other if it reaches that point.

Ah well. It's Monday, I had a late start to work, and now it's time to focus. Time to close the box on this vent for a little while, put a bow on it, and move forward.

Wednesday, we have free passes to see the new Miyazaki film (anyone who's a fan in the Boston area should check out the schedule for the Brattle Theater). That'll be a nice night... I love hanging out in Cambridge, even in winter. And P's birthday is coming up, so M1 is plotting (and trying to find bad-back-friendly activities, which is sweet of her ). Onward and upward...
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids, two cats, one house with many projects.
Chops (previously 'P'): My partner of ~3 years. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena (previously M1): Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa (previously AG): Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

My navel-gazing blog thread:
A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
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  #104  
Old 02-10-2014, 06:25 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I am struggling with a similar situation. What does a primary partner-type relationship look and feel like when there isn't the usual 'markers' of primary-ness, like shared residence, shared finances, raising kids, etc. And I too need a certain amount of time to build and maintain an intimate relationship.

Unfortunately I have nothing useful to add beyond mutual sympathy.

<<Hugs>>
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  #105  
Old 02-10-2014, 09:08 PM
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The sympathy is much appreciated, Opal, and I'm sending hugs right back your way...

As I was walking back from a meeting about 10 minutes ago, I realized that part of the irony of all this is that I don't even know if MY life can support what I think I want out of a partnership. My kids don't want/need another adult around 24/7, even if he could accommodate that. They want time with me, and unless we're doing a shared activity with P, then it ends up being P separating himself from us so I can have mom/kid time without him feeling like he's inserting himself into that. I'd love it if we were more family-like, but it's not going to happen with my 13-year-old and I respect that.

That, plus the distance, and the fact that I'm NOT going to consider moving until the kids are out of high school and away to wherever they're going - that all adds up to my not being all that able to compromise in a way that would help achieve my own goals here.

This led to the realization that my goal here is more of a marathon than a sprint (or a "where I should be now"). Maybe once the kids are grown, I could consider finding a job that's closer and maybe moving and helping out the time balance that way. He's trying to make an even balance out of two relationships an hour and a half apart from each other. If he wants to take time for himself and do anything at his southern locale, it's an automatic 1.5 hour impact on our time (which would be why, even with an early night jamming with his buddies, he'd be home probably no earlier than 11:30pm, when I'm ready to wink out).

So I may feel the pinch for time. I've pretty much accepted that I will. I guess the question is, will the rough moments be tolerable if I look at this as progress toward a goal and not a "chipping away" of what we have? Then I don't really have to redefine anything. Just maybe work on what a more reasonable expectation for the role of "partner" is while we're under these constraints.

While I was wrestling with all this the other day, he asked, "So you couldn't ever be married to someone who worked second shift?"

And that didn't feel right to me... I felt that if I were married to someone who worked second shift, or drove a truck, or was deployed, there'd be a goal - retirement, or a shift change, or a return home, or some sort of respite for a while. I get blinded by the poly-ness of the situation and think that well, this will never change. He'll always be poly. I'll never get a respite, or retirement, or whatever. But that really doesn't mean I can't take my own action to help the other circumstances change in the future.

Interesting epiphany. Odd that it happened after a scheduling meeting, but I'll take it.
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids, two cats, one house with many projects.
Chops (previously 'P'): My partner of ~3 years. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena (previously M1): Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa (previously AG): Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

My navel-gazing blog thread:
A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
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  #106  
Old 02-10-2014, 11:51 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I have been following your recent thoughts, and I wanted to send you some hugs. My advice giving is a bit rusty, so I have nothing positive to contribute. I do hope you find something that works out in due time.
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Lizzy formerly known as Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3) children.
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  #107  
Old 02-11-2014, 09:00 PM
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Thanks, Ry. I appreciate it. Here's hoping you're feeling better!

Last night was our semi-regular "powwow" between me, P, and M1, so some of this background stuff got aired there (I wasn't really intending to, since it's pretty much between me and P, but he alluded to it, so it got talked about. NBD).

Afterward, I was pretty much cooked and didn't get into what I'd thought about earlier that day. He asked if I wanted to talk more (since I said we had more to talk about), and I didn't. He was okay with that, and we had a nice, quiet rest of the night.

Today, he's not home with me, and Wednesday, we're out seeing a movie, so I wasn't sure when we'd have the opportunity to talk, so I typed up an email with "the rest of the story". I'd rather talk face to face, but sometimes, you just don't know when you'll have time.

Without doing the cut-and-paste thing (because I get a bit wordy ), I basically went into how I feel I'm triggering on the wrong thing (being worried about feeling the pinch for time rather than USING that feeling as a gauge to say, "okay, let's have some 'us time' now."), and that I need to try to realize when I'm doing that, and shift my focus to the REAL problem.

I've also been treating the situation as having struggled to get to where his time is now split 50/50 between me and M1, and I've felt that now that we've gotten there, anything is just going to chip away at it. Like we've built something and it's done and the only thing that can happen to it is that it gets taken apart brick by brick.

Except that's not even close to reality. What's on the calendar may remain consistent, but our circumstances now and ten years from now may be wildly different. We're not "there" yet. We're not anywhere yet that's on any particular map. We haven't finished the 5k; we're still running the (ultra-)marathon, and we have no idea where the hell we're going.

I personally have my own scheduling issues that don't allow for some of our time together to be "quality time" - him too. Once our kids are grown (and I'm not trying to rush it!), we'll be better able to spend good quality time with each other, rather than driving all over hither and yon. Also, once the kids are grown, I no longer have any ties to the area, and I would potentially be freed up to move somewhat closer and not have this extra 1.5 hour commute contributing to the "death by a thousand papercuts" of our time together.

Basically, we still have a ways to go (and who says there's a finish line at the end of this thing, anyway?), and I'm glad that we're going it together.

There will be hiccups. I will still feel the pinch for time, and I will still ponder what I need/want out of a partner... however, if I keep in mind that we're still on the journey, maybe it'll be easier to continue to work these things out over time, rather than think of them as things that need to be done now because we're here now and this is what we're supposed to be - now, dammit!

I'm a planner. I'm goal-oriented. I'm competitive. And that all goes out the window here, and it throws me for a loop. I reached my goal on paper (the 50/50 split for time), and then finally looked up into the real world and realized it doesn't mean diddly when you look at the real-life circumstances that will change as time marches on. I am NOT good with open-endedness like this. My movies and books need to have endings, dammit!

Barring that, though, they need to have something interesting to think about and/or hope for. And I guess this "To Be Continued" has that in spades. Which is good, because it aint' over 'til it's over. Cue the Lenny Kravitz song...

And it was received well... he got a little something in his eye and told me that he's also glad we're in this together. Then we used a few more running metaphors and then ended up joking about how he just lags behind and stares at my ass anyway, so there ya go. Swagger.

I love that he and I can talk about this stuff and usually come out stronger on the other side. The processing and actual DEALING with the emotions sucks, but once we're done, it makes for a better us. Kiln-fired us, I guess.

Onward and upward...
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids, two cats, one house with many projects.
Chops (previously 'P'): My partner of ~3 years. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena (previously M1): Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa (previously AG): Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

My navel-gazing blog thread:
A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")

Last edited by YouAreHere; 02-11-2014 at 09:04 PM.
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  #108  
Old 02-12-2014, 04:33 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Just wanted to let you know that I have been following your blog with interest. Thank you for sharing so much of your day-to-day thoughts and struggles with us.

I am empathizing right now with the struggles associated with having a relationship with someone who lives over an hour away. Lotus (and her husband) live an hour+ away from us three.

The other weekend she and I were out for a "girls' day" and having a conversation about "how does it work to love someone who lives over an hour away...that you will never live with." Our answer was "hopefully, we will have plenty of time to find out."
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #109  
Old 02-14-2014, 05:47 AM
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It certainly has been an interesting road, Jane - my first time navigating a poly relationship, I wasn't long out of my divorce when we started, AND we're 1.5 hours apart when he's not here. I never do anything the easy way... Go big or go home, I guess.
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids, two cats, one house with many projects.
Chops (previously 'P'): My partner of ~3 years. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena (previously M1): Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa (previously AG): Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

My navel-gazing blog thread:
A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
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  #110  
Old 02-20-2014, 04:08 PM
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Default I need Spring and I need it now.

Ugh. I have never been this impacted by the winter before, but this year, I am feeling it creep up and just engulf me. So much snow, it seems like we're shoveling/snowblowing every night or every handful of days. The snowbanks at the end of the driveway are about as tall as I am (which doesn't say much, but still). It's dark, it's cold, and my finances are such that I'd rather put my money toward April vacation with the kids and not go out and do something that requires money (so my signing up on Meetup.com is a bit of a big fat nothing right now, since the photography meetup costs money, the woodworking meetup costs money, and the one stained glass thing I signed up for was cancelled... boo...). I have not been motivated to do anything around the house, and then I feel like a slug because I'm not doing anything around the house... other than lug wood and push snow around.

After not even getting a proper January Thaw, I'm looking forward to the three days of 40-50 degree temps we'll be getting, even though it'll all freeze at night and make things a bit treacherous.

Last night, we celebrated P's birthday. I wish it were as idyllic as I'd hoped (or as, I think, P believes it was), but of course it had its share of hurt feelings on both sides.

The plan: a beer tasting and gourmet pizza. P's son (who just turned 21) was supposed to make it, but the coworker who was going to switch shifts with him was unable to. I attempted to make custom etched glasses (the association with P and ravens has been going on a long time, so M1 drew up a silhouette of a raven with a stein, and I was going to etch them on glasses with "Raven's Flight" on the back - word play is fun ). Sadly, the glasses didn't take the etching chemical, so we had plain glasses with a story to tell instead. And good beer. And good pizza. And a food/beer coma. And some tipsiness (which didn't help the hurt feels).

We shot the shit a bit, and it was interesting to see that when M1 gets tipsy, all that Facebook stuff I was angsting about ("She's so much more verbal and OUT THERE on FB than in real life") shows up in person. Except it felt less interesting the more I started to feel like the odd man out. As she got more flirtatious, making a couple of jokes that were really between them, etc., I started backing off more, which didn't help my feelings any.

We ended up on the couch just kinda sitting around. Someone suggested coffee, so I put on a pot. I wasn't sure if M1 was going to crash on the couch or drive home (or if she was okay to drive home), and this led to some upset on her part, thinking she got shooed out when I was just waiting to see what she'd decided (and how to make sure the door was locked, etc., if she stayed and left after we did) before breaking up the party.

As it was, without going into TOO much detail, she felt like she'd been politely shooed away, that she wasn't welcome to crash on the couch for the night. I felt okay with her staying, but wanted to know when she'd be leaving so we'd know if she should have a key to lock the deadbolt or if she'd leave in the morning when we did. I felt like I needed alone time (given the odd-man-out feeling), but P was enjoying his time with both of us so much, I didn't want to break up the party, and P was so cooked by the time we did get to bed, there wasn't much alone time to be had before the snoring began.

Sigh.

It was a fun night (for the most part) up until we didn't know how to end it. M1 sent out an email this morning, and I sent out a reply, so hopefully we clear the should-I-stay-or-should-I-go thing up in short order. Next time, I'll just ask what she'd rather do, rather than wait around for something to get said or asked.

So, as a somewhat related aside, something got said last night that really bugged me...

When we were all sitting around the table, shooting the shit, P brought up how happy he is (which isn't the part that bugged me - I know he's happier than he's been in years, which DOES make me happy). I forget the exact wording, but sort of went down the path of how he's happy to have us both in his life, and that he could never go back to just one, and having a nagging, awful relationship again.

And that just struck me, hard. Is he saying that, if we had gotten together before he knew about Polyamory, that we would be destined to have that sort of relationship just by virtue of it being monogamous? M1 was mm-hmming and nodding her head the whole time - I know she's not big on marriage in general, as she felt too stifled in her own, but I don't feel that a relationship structure dictates the type of relationship you're destined to have with that person, period. I've seen references to poly relationships that were super-controlling (OPPs, rules put in place that would have made me run screaming), and I've seen monogamous relationships where the individuals were free to be who they are and are very happy, for the most part.

I have always felt that, if there is a problem in the relationship (not so much with external factors like time or distance), then that is a problem with the PEOPLE in the relationship, and not the structure.

I felt I was sitting at the table among marriage-bashers. That P was insinuating that, if we had gotten married, that we wouldn't be able to have the relationship we have, and that was just insulting to me. That the relationship structure would dictate what kind of partner I'd be.

But it was P's birthday, he was happy, M1 was in total agreement with him, so I figured I'd let it drop for the moment. I didn't want to shit on his birthday.

Bleh.
We'll talk about it, like we always do, but I was really hoping for a birthday celebration that didn't end up with crappy emotions. I guess we'll have something to shoot for next time.

And I keep telling myself that the weather is not helping these emotions. Spring can't come soon enough.

Edited to add: Well, I just sent out a dump regarding what I was feeling. M1 asked, P seemed concerned about what we were going to talk about, and I didn't want to drag it out and raise anyone's stress levels. Still, I find it kind of pointless to talk about the flirty behavior, since we were all tipsy and that shit happens - I tried to make it clear that I wasn't blaming anyone and wasn't asking anyone to do anything different, but that since I was feeling like a third wheel at times, I should have asked for alone time when I needed it, rather than worry about ruining his "together time" on his birthday. I brought up the marriage-bashing thing as well, and I'm not sure how it's going to get taken... I prefer talking face to face, but we're not seeing each other until Saturday and it's way too long to drag this out and walk on eggshells. I guess we'll see...
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids, two cats, one house with many projects.
Chops (previously 'P'): My partner of ~3 years. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena (previously M1): Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa (previously AG): Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

My navel-gazing blog thread:
A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")

Last edited by YouAreHere; 02-20-2014 at 09:45 PM. Reason: New, late-breaking information!
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