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Old 09-17-2017, 01:56 AM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Default YouAreHere is... where? (Or, "This Road Map Still Sucks...") - Blog, Part II

Intro post, which is just the outro post from my last blog thread. Methinks there are enough changes in my life right now to warrant a new thread/chapter.

Quote:
Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
Well... a lot has happened in a few months. YAH ended up having herself a full-blown identity crisis for a while! But I'll get to that...

What the heck did I talk about last time? YouAreHere has most definitely NOT been "here."

Oh, yeah...

The .sig most definitely needs updating. Noa abruptly left Chops' life and unfriended all the rest of us from Facebook soon thereafter. Lots going on there, and I feel for her, but zoinks... scorched earth. Cheesegirl and Chops are pretty much just friends at this point. Xena and Curls' relationship has kind of backed up a few steps, but the house plans are still in motion, even if it ends up to be a couple of different living spaces or something. Xena's got a new guy that she's really happy about, and she's really (REALLY) working on tamping down her expectations when it comes to what kind of relationships she wants with people (which was one of the big bugaboos with why we didn't really get along all that well in the beginning of the relationship with Chops). Things are going pretty well, all things considered.

And then there's me. Good ol' Mono, Pendulum-hearted me. Good ol' me who was the recipient of some nice, flirty attention from a coworker (well, we're in the same building, he's in my spin classes, but we'll never actually *work* together - very different disciplines). Good ol' me who really liked the flirting and reciprocated, because hey - it's all cool and open and on the up and up, and I think he's a cool guy. Good ol' me who thought, as the flirting went on, "Hm... I wonder if I'm right or wrong about myself..."

And now... Good ol' me who's been on two dates with this guy and is now planning a third.

Yeah, we'll let THAT sink in for a bit, shall we?

A little bit longer, perhaps. Hell, *I'm* still letting it sink in.

Chops and I have had some long conversations about it. The Pendulum thing really threw him, since I was SO adamant about being that way, and he didn't understand what changed. And I guess nothing changed, except I really just wanted to see if I really DO know myself, and to do it by challenging myself, and see, now that a mutual attraction has presented itself, if I really were the person I believed myself to be. I didn't want to ask myself "what if" - if I had/have regrets, I at least wanted them to be about SOMETHING rather than NOT doing something... if that makes sense.

Of course, it makes New Guy something of a science project, which I hate, but I'm being completely honest about not knowing where this is going, or knowing if I will be able to actually *do* a relationship (but then again, so is New Guy - he's been really damned good about digging into the deep stuff rather than noping out of the whole thing. It's been impressive!). So my goal is to keep doing that, keep being proactive about talking about stuff, and see where things go.

On the plus side, I'm really into this guy, and I don't think it's negatively impacting my feelings for Chops. I am, however, totally overanalyzing the HELL out of myself, though, and it's getting tiring. I occasionally feel disingenuous about myself (ID'ing as Mono), and wonder if it'd just be best to wrap up my other blog in a nice little bow and end it (due to the Mono/Poly-centric-ness of it), but then I wonder if it'd be better to just keep it going and have it become something else as well. I pulled away entirely from the blog, and from the board, just to chew on all this for a while, and I think I'm at a point now where I'm okay with this shift, and I'll roll with it and talk about it, and see how things go.

And then, I also think I've just come to the conclusion that I'm too old for this labeling shit, and I'm done with trying to put a name to who/what I am, other than "me." Screw it. And pulling away from the board feels dumb, because gee - MAYBE one or two of you here has been through this before, no? Oh well... if there's one label that may stick, it's "stubborn."

So yeah. My signature needs updating. And New Guy needs a name. Who the hell am I again? Maybe it's time to shutter this blog thread and open another... Chapter Two, perhaps. Onward and upward.

Life sure is interesting, isn't it?
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, fish, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: Partner of 6 years, lives half-time with me, half with Xena.
Spinner: Friend I've been on a few dates with. Divorced, Mono, wrapping his head around it all.
Xena: Chops' other nesting partner of 6 years
Curls: Chops' partner of 1 year

Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
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Old 09-17-2017, 02:10 AM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Oh! OH! And something I forgot to add to the end of the previous blog:

DanceGirl now has her licence.

And a car.

And a job.

Good LORD, what a friggin' abrupt change. Like there isn't already enough going on.

I didn't realize I'd get hit with the "feeling unnecessary" feeling until it happened. I know it's silly, but wow. It *is* however funny listening to her complain about how the people who set her hours STILL can't seem to remember her availability and screw up her scheduling every week. Welcome to the working world, kid... that's why you get paid.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, fish, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: Partner of 6 years, lives half-time with me, half with Xena.
Spinner: Friend I've been on a few dates with. Divorced, Mono, wrapping his head around it all.
Xena: Chops' other nesting partner of 6 years
Curls: Chops' partner of 1 year

Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
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  #3  
Old 09-17-2017, 05:45 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Oh! Wow. This is entirely unexpected! Glad you posted on my blog, I noticed your new sig!

Verrry interesting!

Also the changes with Chops and his entourage. And your kid. Wow.

Best of luck with everything!
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62) loving Pixie (poly, F, 40) since January 2009, living together since 2013
Seeing Kahlo (polyish, M, 45)
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixie's Dom/bf for 3+ years
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Old 09-17-2017, 11:37 PM
KC43 KC43 is offline
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Sounds like things have definitely taken some interesting turns for you. Hope everything works out great!
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  #5  
Old 09-18-2017, 02:48 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Wow! That's a lot going on! I hope you post more, I've missed your "voice" around here.
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37/bi/f

- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
- Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"
- No longer lives with ex-boyfriend Fly (1/2006 - 12/2013, my introduction to nonmonogamy, ultimately amicable breakup), and his 11-year-old son Kiddo
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Old Today, 02:29 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I am glad to see you back too.
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Prof: recently ended open relationship.
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  #7  
Old Today, 12:54 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Thanks, all!

Date #3 is tonight, and given some of the questions he's asked (and wanted me to wait until we were face-to-face to answer), I think it's going to be another deep-dive conversation. Fingers are crossed that it goes well, even though I really don't have any expectations about what "going well" means right now. I suppose I'm good with "he doesn't immediately stand up, loudly nope out of things, and shun me at work," so I guess my bar is low.

At the very least, he mentioned that this place has blueberry cobbler. Even if he loudly nopes out, I'm staying for dessert.
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, fish, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: Partner of 6 years, lives half-time with me, half with Xena.
Spinner: Friend I've been on a few dates with. Divorced, Mono, wrapping his head around it all.
Xena: Chops' other nesting partner of 6 years
Curls: Chops' partner of 1 year

Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
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