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Old 12-01-2016, 12:11 AM
Vulpis Vulpis is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 29
Default Discovering a Vixen

It's been a while. Last I posted, I was just dealing with my first break up. I figured I would give an update for those that helped me so much in dealing with my own emotions.

To recap:
I am 24, cis-female, straight, and was in a monogamous relationship for four years with Guardian. We met by chance online, and I moved from the US to Canada to be with him. We became co-dependent, and I was convinced I was naturally monogamous and felt guilty for ever having any attraction or thoughts about other men.

I started hanging out with a new friend group with several men I was attracted to. One night at a party, I drank too much, made out with Party Guy, and came home. The next day I told Guardian, but it opened a Pandora's box of sexual frustration that could not be closed for me. Months went by of seeking advice from these forums and reading everything I could to try to understand why I was feeling these urges. Guardian and I talked about opening up but it became clear he was definitely not game and probably never would be. Those talks highlighted cracks in the relationship that had gone unnoticed for years, mainly communication-related. Eventually an argument sparked the end of my common-law relationship with Guardian. It was very painful, more so for him as the "dumpee".

We lived together for two weeks, then he moved out. Thus began a rampage of sexuality that had been boxed in for years. I had one night stands, slept with people I shouldn't have, and also had some good experiences. I made mistakes. Some were not the kinds of mistakes that were useful learning experiences. I definitely hurt other people and would 100% take them back.

I moved to another city, started University. I joined Tinder and OKC, went on tons of dates, rejected lots of people, and found others who could appreciate me the way I am. I met friends and lovers, usually both.

Guardian and I are still good friends. After a lot of struggles with my roommates, I moved the cat back to him. He takes care of her for now and I visit about every other week to decompress, help with chores, and ensure he has pet supplies for the cat. I often worry he isn't over me, but it is up to him to draw lines and we've discussed that at length. He sometimes sex-shames me even if he doesn't mean to; I know that my new found sexual power makes him uncomfortable.

I've had some issues with easy attachment to others and a few issues with alcohol that are mostly solved. I've been hurt by partners and friends alike and have learned to be more guarded with my emotions, but am still learning.

Currently I have two reasonably stable partners, Gonzo and Pascal. I'm also occasionally involved with a friend, Peri. I met all of them on dating apps/sites.

I would like to still be involved with Gamer Guy, but some stuff happened with him and even though he was still interested in me for a while, he has since taken to ignoring me. Sometimes he texts me (usually when drinking) and I find myself relishing any attention he'll still give me, which is not good because the next day he goes back to ignoring me. I'd like to be closer to him but he's not the type of person to let people in, so that's probably a bust.

I do not identify currently as polyamorous, but I am non-monogamous and I care a lot about most of the people I get involved with. Through my new relationships I am discovering that I am compassionate to a fault, and definitely have some self-work to do regarding self-care, my easy manipulation, and tendency to get attached very quickly.

Quite the journey I've started.
__________________
Me F, 24; non-monogamous, straight
Pascal Unlabeled, M, 20s
Gonzo Unlabeled, M, 30s
Peri FWB, M, 30s
Gamer Guy Was FWB, now barely a friend, M, 20s
Party Guy Friend, M, 30s
Guardian Previous partner, M, 30s, monogamous

Last edited by Vulpis; 12-01-2016 at 12:13 AM.
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  #2  
Old 12-04-2016, 09:31 PM
Tinwen Tinwen is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: central Europe
Posts: 758
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Hi Vulpis, glad to see you blogging It seems you've had crazy few months...
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Me: female, 27, polyfriendly
Idealist: my partner, 37, polyamorous
Meta: live-in partner with Idealist, 41, monogamous
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  #3  
Old 12-11-2016, 05:52 AM
Vulpis Vulpis is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 29
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Crazy indeed.

I live very close to Gonzo, which means I end up seeing him a lot more than my other partners and friends. More than that, I also feel very relaxed around him and yet find that I really need to temper my attachment to him. We've been fooling around for only a few months and I just generally like being around him.

I'm not sure why I get attached so quickly to certain partners, but I both love and hate it. NRE is a wonderful feeling with many forms, but I find it can easily make me want to say or do things that I think would scare most people away, particularly when things start (like this did) as essentially a casual encounter.

He half-jokingly labelled it the other day as a FWB type thing, which I'm fine with. I just worry a bit about getting too attached and then losing him when he realizes I really like him. I figure I'll just enjoy it while I have it and try not to worry about anything. Everything is just too easy with him to worry.
__________________
Me F, 24; non-monogamous, straight
Pascal Unlabeled, M, 20s
Gonzo Unlabeled, M, 30s
Peri FWB, M, 30s
Gamer Guy Was FWB, now barely a friend, M, 20s
Party Guy Friend, M, 30s
Guardian Previous partner, M, 30s, monogamous
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