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  #11  
Old 07-21-2013, 01:54 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Geez, hasn't your gf even bothered to volunteer to help out? If not, she sounds like a self-centered brat.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
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  #12  
Old 07-28-2013, 08:27 PM
Flowerchild Flowerchild is offline
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Default Children of her own?

Perhaps it might be reassuring to her to be told that you and your partner will have the same consideration for her when she has children? Whether it is with you (not sure what your plans are) or someone else?
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  #13  
Old 07-28-2013, 09:56 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Oh at first I thought you were the Mama, but maybe you're the Daddy?
Or maybe it's two women? Or two men? Maybe the babies are adopted? Who knows. I know you're trying to be helpful from your lactation specialist background, but for someone who hates assumptions that others make you sure rushed right in yourself this time.

Whether someone is breastfeeding or not, feedings are a long, tiring process. If you and your partner and your GF are okay with GF being there during this time, that could be a good time to just hang out, watch tv, whatever. You'd have some time together and GF might get a better perspective on what's going on in your life right now. Of course, if any or all of you are NOT okay with her being there during this initial time of adjustment, that's perfectly valid too. She may just have to suck it up and wait. I lost two SO's and one good friend during pregnancy/newborn months. One SO and the friend ended up coming back; the one that didn't isn't worth my time, so if she can't deal she isn't someone you want in your family's lives anyway.
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  #14  
Old 07-29-2013, 10:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
Or maybe it's two women?
True.

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Or two men?
Then my statement still stands.

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Maybe the babies are adopted?
That is relevant how? I merely made a statement that the babies are probably not breastfeeding, or the feedings would be even more frequent, due to the digestibility of human milk.

Quote:
Who knows. I know you're trying to be helpful from your lactation specialist background, but for someone who hates assumptions that others make you sure rushed right in yourself this time.
I mentioned my credentials not as a judgment to feeding method, but to give background to my information about time management with multiples in general.
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  #15  
Old 07-29-2013, 05:20 PM
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Ambyer Ambyer is offline
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According to the profile of the OP
"43 yr old male living with partner for almost 6 years. I have a second partner of almost 1 year"
But really that's not all that relevant. The OP has twin infants now, and it could have just as easily been the Mother of the infants as the Father. Either way children take a LOT of energy.
The husband and I have two children, same age. One was mine, one was his, and we got together when they were still small (11 months old). Even by that time they still required a LOT of energy. As toddlers it doesn't get much better either when there is two of them. What one doesn't get into the other will and drag the first along with him.
All relationships, be it mono, poly, or whatever, have to realize kids come first. PERIOD. You accept that responsibility when you become a parent.
The only thing I can see that the OP might want to try is to invite the gf in to help with the children at times. She might be feeling left out of the picture. If she is not interested in doing this, then she will just have to understand that the OP time is no longer his own. It now belongs to his children first and foremost.
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