Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 07-17-2013, 07:03 PM
Squashking Squashking is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 43
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
You are free to make choices that expand your future options, abd you are free to make choices that limit your future options. Neither is better or worse than the other, but you are in control of your life. How you choose to exercise that control is well, your choice.

Freedom is scary ain't it? It's a lot safer and less scary to stay on a blazen trail with the other tourists than it is to grab your compass and hike out into the woods with nothing but a pocket-knife and a piece of rope.
Wow! Well said...

The past 14 months has been quite a journey but mostly from a personal nature.

We have blazed our trail right from the start, why would we want to jump on the beaten path now? Being true to ourselves is where this whole thing started.

Thank you for your sage advice.

~S
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 07-17-2013, 07:30 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squashking View Post
Wow! Well said...

The past 14 months has been quite a journey but mostly from a personal nature.

We have blazed our trail right from the start, why would we want to jump on the beaten path now? Being true to ourselves is where this whole thing started.

Thank you for your sage advice.

~S


Really? Or did you think i was being condescending? It's hard to tell sometimes.

In no way was i pretending to know something about you that i don't. The things i said apply to myself just as much as they do to you or anyone else.

I never care if what i have to say doesn't resonate with or apply to someone else. I only care when it does, and then only to the extent that it's good for them. There are no Imaginary Internet Points to gain or lose.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 07-17-2013, 08:20 PM
Squashking Squashking is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 43
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
Really? Or did you think i was being condescending? It's hard to tell sometimes.

In no way was i pretending to know something about you that i don't. The things i said apply to myself just as much as they do to you or anyone else.
.
Haha... well, I guess it doesn't much matter to me what your intention was.

I was looking for perspective... and I got just that! So thank you.

I find that this lifestyle makes me continually look around and re-evaluate myself. Most of the time its "Hell Ya" this feels right. Sometimes however its "Oh shit".
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 07-17-2013, 08:28 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,096
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squashking View Post
I find that this lifestyle makes me continually look around and re-evaluate myself. Most of the time its "Hell Ya" this feels right. Sometimes however its "Oh shit".
LOL, but isn't that just life, though?

"Hell yeah! Oh shit. Hell yeah! Oh shit. Hell yeah! Oh shit. Hell yeah! Oh shit. Hell yeah! Oh shit." Well, that's my life, anyway. Got good news yesterday and said, "Hell yeah!" Now I'm waiting for the "Oh shit" moment. Nothing to do with polyamory.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 07-18-2013 at 04:30 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 07-17-2013, 10:59 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squashking View Post
Haha... well, I guess it doesn't much matter to me what your intention was.

I was looking for perspective... and I got just that! So thank you.

I find that this lifestyle makes me continually look around and re-evaluate myself. Most of the time its "Hell Ya" this feels right. Sometimes however its "Oh shit".


Ok
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 07-18-2013, 02:42 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,085
Default

I concur with not elaborating beyond what they ask.
We love each other, he/she is part of our CHOSEN family, isn't it cool we live at a time when we can choose people we care about even if they arent "really" related.
Then moving on.

I suppose the big issue is in how one chooses to educate kids about family and friends.
My closest friends from highschool remain in my life today, 20+ yrs later. The kids call them uncles/aunts. All different races and lifestyles. Clearly no shared biology-but family is family. I raised my kids on the premise of love and loyalty create bonds-not blood. Maybe because I had step siblings, adopted siblings and foster siblings?
At any rate-that left the idea of chosen family being a common understanding for the kids. Poly followed easily in behind that as did love not being finite.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 07-18-2013, 01:32 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 621
Default

In reference to the kids, here is a different perspective: I was one of those kids whose parents attempted polyamory. When I say attempted, they were bold, but in the long run, the persons they love were not. I am 49 years old, and if you think of the concerns you face in 2013, 1975 was far more restrictive.

Anyway, when I was 12, we had another woman join our family. I knew the relationship included sex, but at 12 didn't have a clear understanding of its significance. I knew I had one more trusted adult to turn and a new little boy that was a part of our lives. As I had no siblings I welcomed his presence. It all felt very secure to me.

Unfortunately, this woman could not withstand the societal pressure. She wanted to feel normal. Nobody blamed her, but her leaving was a huge loss not only for my parents, but me as well.

Trust me when I say that your kids will do well knowing that your other couple is counted as family. That's all they really need to know.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 07-18-2013, 08:56 PM
Squashking Squashking is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 43
Default

Thanks BB.

It's an interesting subject. Ok so here is an observation...

Both families hang out "a lot" together. Every other day for the most part (we're neighbours) and we do virtually everything together. The other couple and their children are already considered family in our home and our lives and vice versa. That designation is used openly even with friends and relatives.

The only thing that is missing is to sit them down and explain that we have an intimate relationship with the other couple. Based on your comments it may not be necessary.

Perhaps what may be the best is to continue to develop that overall feeling of extended family with all the kids which is actually already happening organically.

~S
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 07-18-2013, 11:14 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,085
Default

Consider it this way-do you tell your children that you are sexually involved with one another?

For us-it's not secret for sure-the kids know EARLY on that bedtime is 8pm because that is "grown up time" and we make no effort to curtail noises from our room "in case" someone is awake.

BUT-until/unless they ask-we aren't telling them about us having sex either.

The same is true regarding GG.

Our youngest is 6. She doesn't remember a time that she didn't periodically find mommy in GG's room. She knows to check daddy's room (closest to hers) and if I'm not there she can come upstairs and find me in GG's room. When she was younger this was common if a diaper was wet or she woke up first.

I haven't told her "I have sex with daddy and GG". But I have told her I love daddy and GG and they have told her they both love me.

Shrug.

The older kids all know perfectly well what sex is (the next youngest is 13) and that we are sexually involved. They don't care.

But-the kids will identify to someone else that GG is mommy's boyfriend-because they have heard me identify him that way to other people. Between ourselves he's GG.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 07-19-2013, 02:56 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 621
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squashking View Post
Thanks BB.

It's an interesting subject. Ok so here is an observation...

Both families hang out "a lot" together. Every other day for the most part (we're neighbours) and we do virtually everything together. The other couple and their children are already considered family in our home and our lives and vice versa. That designation is used openly even with friends and relatives.

The only thing that is missing is to sit them down and explain that we have an intimate relationship with the other couple. Based on your comments it may not be necessary.

Perhaps what may be the best is to continue to develop that overall feeling of extended family with all the kids which is actually already happening organically.

~S
I don't think it's necessary. They'll figure it out eventually, and if they ask questions, then you can discuss it. However, as long as they feel loved and secure, it is going to be a non-issue. In fact depending on their ages, they may not even understand that your relationship with the other couple is out of the norm. I didn't, not really.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:53 AM.