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Old 07-20-2013, 04:39 PM
esarati300 esarati300 is offline
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Thumbs down poly love unprotected

For a woman you can keep finding lovers never ending. For a guy to be poly usually he will have only two lovers if he is lucky. Just hard for a guy to find someone. My wife is poly and she have sex with over 5 guys and never use any protection. Seem like the poly world don't use protection. I know one thing I won't be having sex with her no more and this poly lifestyle is out of control. I don't want to catch anything and plus I just don't feel sexual with her no more, so I guess it is good she have many lovers to keep her happy. Would you say my wife is careless?
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Old 07-20-2013, 04:52 PM
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Whisper Whisper is offline
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Very interesting topic...

It sounds like you are disappointed with the fact that you don't have as many lovers as your wife. I wouldn't say that her lifestyle is out of control, but perhaps on a psychological level the playing field isn't even. I can sympathise with your feelings, but I wouldn't say that anything is out of control. If "control" is what you really seek, then a monogamous relationship is probably in order...

However it does sound as if you want to have more lovers. I get the impression that if you could have more lovers then your wife's relationships would not have been as problematic to you. I could be wrong about this though.

I would personally feel more weird if my partner/wife had a one-night stand. Loving somebody and having sex with that person is beautiful, so if she has that many lovers and loves them all then to me it doesn't sound like a problem. I can't imagine a parallel universe where one-night stands with a person I don't care about would be fun.

As for the carelessness... Unprotected sex isn't smart if you don't know who you are sleeping with. If she does know who she is sleeping with, then I wouldn't worry about it on a health level.
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Old 07-20-2013, 05:32 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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I'm opposite. The guys I'm attracted to are mono and not at all interested in dating a married lady.

N on the other hand has no shortage of ladies interested in him. He has a lot of female friends, a lot so he puts in a friendship investment sometimes for years before it ever blossoms into more.

N only has unprotected with me and J. J only has unprotected sex with N. If at any time she chooses to have unprotected sex with someone else they will go back to condoms.
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Last edited by Inyourendo; 07-20-2013 at 06:13 PM.
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Old 07-20-2013, 06:00 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I can't imagine. I have my dh and my bf. We all live together. We are fluid bonded-but none of us is willing to be with any one else without protection.

Careless? I think I would say brainless. But that's just me.
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Old 07-20-2013, 06:17 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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I would also be concerned about accidental pg. I personally wouldn't be happy if my partner had kids with someone else. As a one income family we simply couldn't afford child support.
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Old 07-20-2013, 06:56 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by esarati300 View Post
My wife is poly and she have sex with over 5 guys and never use any protection. Seem like the poly world don't use protection.
I'd say the stupid world doesn't use protection. Just because your wife and her lovers are doing it doesn't mean that every poly person out there is as inconsiderate and as lacking common sense as she is. Most polyfolk I know are very careful about using protection! Fluid bonding (fucking without protection) is often a big step in poly relationships and a big deal for many people, not usually taken lightly. There seems to be a big problem in your marriage if she is doing that without your consent.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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Old 07-22-2013, 03:12 AM
tree166 tree166 is offline
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In my experience poly people are even more careful about safe sex than monogamous people having one night stands. Probably because we have a lot more people's health to worry about. If I catch something, there's a line of other people who are at risk.

I agree with nycindie - this is a problem in your marriage and not with your chosen relationship style. Have you discussed your concerns with your wife? From your post is seems like you're just dismissing her and poly outright.
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Old 07-23-2013, 02:15 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Yes. I would say your wife's sexual practices are careless.

I don't blame you for losing interest in participating in sex with her. You could put your health at risk of exposure to whatever she has chosen to expose herself to.

Even if you have success finding MANY other partners for yourself, that wouldn't excuse her carelessness would it?

GG
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