Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-10-2013, 10:11 PM
PolyK2 PolyK2 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 10
Default why cant i stop thinking about this???

Hello all, my name is Karina. I'm in a monogamous relationship with the love of my life. He is everything I've ever wanted, and more! He has shown me so much, and I'm a better person because of him. I've learned to be really honest with myself, and how to be completely 100% honest and vulnerable with someone. I owe all this to my spouse, and I'll love him till the day I die.
I love seeing him happy, doing nice things for him and spoiling him and It would make me so happy to see him enjoy life with another woman. He hasn't been in many long term relationships, and has been hurt by girls in the past. (I say girls because these people don't deserve to be called women.) He has so much love to give, and makes me so happy, I know life could be great if we had a third. I know it would enhance my life!
So, off the mushy stuff, I've talked to him about polyamory before, many times actually. He has been open minded about it, mostly. There was a brief period where he said he didn't want to try it because he heard it's a pain in the ass having two women nag at you. But it seems he is over that, and has been completely open to the idea. I am over the moon with excitement to try this. I get twitterpated just thinking about it. I honestly can't get it off my mind!!! So that's the problem: I can't stop thinking, researching, and talking about it. And I know it's probably so annoying to my spouse.
I feel like I have a desire to do this for the right reasons. They're not selfish reasons either, and I know my spouse doesn't think I want this for selfish reasons. But WHY CAN'T I STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!! Life seems like it would be so rewarding with 3 people. Yes, I know, it's a LOT of work, but like I said before I'm super honest and don't hold back anything. I'm an open book to my spouse. I would love to have a girlfriend best friend whom I can share great times with, make memories with, and love alongside my man. And it would make me so happy to see him enjoying life with not only me, but another who has both our hearts, and can challenge him in ways I don't.
Idk, maybe it's a sex thing too?? I have a serious fetish with the whole cuckquean thing. But not for humiliation reasons, for reasons of love and passion, and nonjealousy. I just think: Who cares if my husband is enjoying sex with another woman he loves?? I agreed and I want to see him enjoying every bit of life (within reason) to the extent that is enjoyable for us.
So, what can I do or say or what to get this off my mind, because I feel like I'm going crazy! Idk where to meet people, how to approach people, how to set boundaries. I'm lost! He doesn't want to try to meet people off the internet, and I'm pretty scared to do that anyway. But we're both chickens when it comes to trying to hit on someone. I've never really had to go hit on people, and he is shy and thinks he's being a nerd or automatically friend zoned.

Please help me.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-11-2013, 12:40 AM
Dagferi's Avatar
Dagferi Dagferi is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,013
Default

http://davidlnoble.com/so-somebody-c...nicorn-hunter/

http://www.multiplematch.com/2012/11...ple-privilege/

Some recommended reading
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.

Last edited by Dagferi; 07-11-2013 at 12:42 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-11-2013, 12:44 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

He was right the first time. It sucks having two women nagging at you, especially when their periods start to synchronize. He should trust his first impression.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-11-2013, 01:07 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,235
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyK2 View Post
. . . I know life could be great if we had a third. I know it would enhance my life!
Oh, and how lucky that woman will be to have the opportunity to enhance your life!!!!!1@one!!!

I am sure there are many out there who will want to be your... um, er... "third."

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyK2 View Post
I am over the moon with excitement to try this. I get twitterpated just thinking about it. I honestly can't get it off my mind!!! . . . I would love to have a girlfriend best friend whom I can share great times with, make memories with, and love alongside my man.
Good luck with that just magically appearing! I think you might as well indulge yourself in the fantasy, since it is hardly likely to happen in real life.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 07-11-2013 at 03:54 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-11-2013, 08:37 AM
Natja's Avatar
Natja Natja is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 823
Default

Hello OP<

So what you are asking is how to stop thinking about it all the time?
Everyone is an individual, it is harder than some people to get over an obsession. I imagine you have only been reading material that reinforces your obsession positively. What you need to do is have some honest input, to that end, you made the right choice coming on here
I would suggest reading this forum extensively, it will make a huge difference.

Natja
x
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-11-2013, 10:12 AM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

You go and find people to date and let him find people to date. If you had no insecurities and were truly in this poly thing for unselfish reasons, you'd have no need to date people together.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-11-2013, 01:22 PM
BlackUnicorn's Avatar
BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906
Default

The way to get over your obsession is to do a reality check. How likely is it that your dream woman will just pop out of nowhere, especially since you are not going to do anything proactive to find her, like join OkCupid. You are obsessed over a fantasy that doesn't exist in the real world.
__________________
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-11-2013, 05:22 PM
Maleficent Maleficent is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 45
Default

The day dreamy idolizing you're doing reminds me of a couple expecting their first child. You imagine the love and the connection you'll have. How this new person will fit so seamlessly into your lives and enhance it so many amazing ways.

Anyone with kids can tell you that what you're actually getting is a real person. A person with their own personality, sleep patterns, eating habits, likes and dislikes, fears, needs, demands; the list is endless. It is rewarding but honestly it is the exact opposite of easy.

If you proceed then its great to do so optimistically. But keep reality in mind. You're asking for a person not a doll. People are complicated. This experience will tax your relationship in ways you can't even imagine.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-12-2013, 03:21 AM
PolyK2 PolyK2 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 10
Default

So umm... I never said this person has to fit into a specific idea. I'm a super open minded person and I'm great at taking people as they are... My only question was not how do I get it off my mind. I also asked where to meet people, how to approach them... What is it like being in your first poly relationship? Honestly I'm a bit turned off by all the negative reactions... Like I said before, I know it's gonn be a lot of work, but I'm willing to do that! I'm not over here in lala land being nšive.. Maybe my original post was gushy but I think I asked a couple valid questions... Also, a triad is what we both want because we want to be able to share experiences with the same person, NOT because of insecurities... I wish so many assumptions weren't made...
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07-12-2013, 03:24 AM
PolyK2 PolyK2 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 10
Default

But I do appreciate the suggested reading and good advice! I've been researching this poly thing for over a year so ive read a lot of this site and blogs and seen documentaries and stuff, but I've never knowingly met a poly person.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:49 AM.