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Old 07-14-2013, 05:03 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,091

Another thing....

I've been trying to think about exactly what it is about him having sex with others that makes me so anxious and confront it head on, but haven't had much luck yet. Guess I've got a lot of work to do...anyways thanks for the feedback all.
I would guess that if you cannot trust him to honor your reasonable boundaries and trust him to demonstrate basic respect with simple things like
  • not have sex in your shared bed this early in the rship after you ask him to meet that limit
  • not make out with her in front of you while you 3 have a TV date after you state you are not comfortable
  • he does not give you a heads up and leaves his used condom on the floor

You cannot believe and trust that he will be honoring your safe sex boundaries and protect you from harm that way.

His track record for honoring any of your boundaries and respecting you isn't hot. He doesn't protect you from harm in other ways -- sometimes he's the one doing the harming.

You do not know if he will do his STD labs, ask to see his partner's labs, use protection and practice safer sex. Or just tell you he does but then really not.

You basically have to vote "no confidence" here and that's not fun for you to feel about your partner.

It is hard to trust someone who doesn't demonstrate trustworthy behaviors. It's hard to feel respected by someone who doesn't exhibit respectful behavior toward you.

And maybe you are anxious because... his behavior is not in your control. He controls his behavior. Limit of the Universe.

All you can control is your own behavior and your willingness to participate in things. You are already exposed to emotional/ mental health harm here. Now you have to consider new harm -- sex practices related harms in your physical health. All that is dinging your spiritual health -- you don't sound in good spirit to me.

I would also guess that you don't love the idea of voicing your concerns because his track record for hostile conversation is high.

I would guess you also don't want to think about breaking up if this cannot be resolved.

When all choices suck? Pick the one that sucks least.That resolves the anxious. You might feel something else -- like upset, anger, etc. But it solves the anxious part to take action. Then you aren't in limbo.

And when all choices suck? Pick self respecting behavior. Then even when things are unfun, you can live with yourself and your choices. You do the job in front of you.

Hang in there.
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