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  #21  
Old 07-11-2013, 07:59 PM
london london is offline
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what makes you think that the OP feels he husband is dishonest to her? Other than the fact that he freaked when she said he must have an std test after every sexual encounter with a cheating woman? I would freak if someone said that about a segment of my partners and so would the people I am seeing. All she has to do is trust that her husband will always use condoms. She doesn't have to trust the woman at all to be fair. Certainly no more than she would have to trust that I do what I say I do in regards to safer sex.
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  #22  
Old 07-11-2013, 08:06 PM
london london is offline
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Just because your version of ethical non monogamy includes possible risky sexual behavior doesn't mean the rest of us need to follow your rules.
Do you require that your partner is tested every and anytime they have protected sex with someone then?
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  #23  
Old 07-11-2013, 08:16 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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I am only sleeping with my mono boyfriend and my husband. If my husband has sexual contact of any oral or piv with a new partner even if he uses a condom yes he will. But he only recently has started dating others. He required the same of myself. I have been his only partner since 2000. My boyfriend has been tested too.

I have only had 2 sexual partners in a decade.. if something pops up I picked it up in only 2 places.
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Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.

Last edited by Dagferi; 07-11-2013 at 08:19 PM.
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  #24  
Old 07-11-2013, 08:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
what makes you think that the OP feels he husband is dishonest to her?
I wonder if maybe she's questioning his judgment in general, in seeing someone who's being dishonest with her husband (OP, please set me straight if I'm wrong).

Regardless, I'm not out to change your mind about how you conduct your life, and I probably won't have any earth-shattering changes on how I conduct mine today, either. I think our discussion here illustrates that we can be all over the map with our comfort levels. The OP and her husband need to be able to at least reach some sort of agreement, or this is going to be a nasty sticking point.
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  #25  
Old 07-11-2013, 08:28 PM
london london is offline
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If my husband has sexual contact of any oral or piv with a new partner even if he uses a condom yes he will
So let me get this straight, say me and your hubby hook up and want to sleep together, we will both have to have tests? Fair enough. So after we have that test, get the results (all clear) and sleep together the following weekend using a condom, he will have to have another set of tests to make sure I didn't contract and give him anything in the time between my test and when we are allowed to fuck? And then when we fuck the weekend after that, with a condom, he will have to have another std test, just because i'm apparently so icky and dirty due to the casual sex I indulge in and the fact that Iactually might risk having protected sex with someone without getting a full std test?

Dude, I'm telling you now, if I knew you were going to put your husband, my potential partner, through that kind of thing, I wouldn't date him. I couldn't make someone feel so dirty for no apparent scientific reason. That's seriously harsh.
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  #26  
Old 07-11-2013, 08:35 PM
london london is offline
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I wonder if maybe she's questioning his judgment in general, in seeing someone who's being dishonest with her husband (OP, please set me straight if I'm wrong).
yeah, i totally get that some people feel extremely strongly about the cheating thing. I've already said that it would be a rule in a relationship of mine that had those kind of primary style entanglements where any repercussions could impact on both of us. It could well be that, but I guess me being so literal, the deflection to std risk confuses me. It's perfectly valid to say no cheaters and even to say that enabling a cheater by actively cheating with them is unethical and therefore undesirable. I wouldn't have argued with that at all. That's personal opinion.
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  #27  
Old 07-11-2013, 08:49 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Don't worry London he wouldn't fuck you either.

If my husband's girlfriend is out having sex with multiple partners. Good for her. If he decides he wants to have sex with her protected fine. I don't care. Where do i say i request she be tested? That is betweeh him and her. I only require he be tested and I will not be fluid bonded with him. People lie. I trust him she could be lying to him... I don't owe her squat. I stay out of his relationships. I only make decisionfor myself.
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Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #28  
Old 07-11-2013, 09:09 PM
london london is offline
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Where do i say i request she be tested?
I clearly asked if you would want him to be tested between each episode of protected sex with another person. From what I have seen, yes, if your husband starts a relationship with someone who is sleeping with more than one person, you'd want him to have an std test between every sexual encounter for you to resume the sex life that you are currently enjoying now. You have confirmed that this is just sex negative discrimination against people who aren't monogamous and/or have casual sex. There is no scientific basis for requiring that level of testing and I understand that it is simply a way of casting judgement on people who have more sex than you.

Quote:
If my husband's girlfriend is out having sex with multiple partners.
If your husband had a monogamous girlfriend, it seems that you would trust her word. As if saying that you are monogamous means that you are incapable of breaching trust in the same way someone poly or cheating can. You either trust nobody he sleeps with and his ability to make sound judgements about other people, or trust that your husband won't put you at unnecessary heightened risk of a sexually transmitted disease. I don't see how someone's relationship orientation makes them less prone to dishonesty.

To me, you may as well forbid him from sleeping with anyone because unless they agree to an exclusive (on their side) closed relationship with your husband, and him only, you will not allow them to enjoy a normal, healthy sex life, he will have a swab pushed up his japs eye once a week and you will also change the way the two of you have sex as well. That will really be a positive, fulfilling way to enjoy polyamorous relationships.

Does he tell potential partners that they will be expected to be monogamous in order not to cause a negative impact on his marriage, or his penis for that matter?
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  #29  
Old 07-11-2013, 09:30 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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I can trust him not to put my health at risk.. Do I trust his partners no. They may be honest but that doesn't mean their partners are honest with her. I do not partake in casual sex and choose not to be effected by others choices.

I have never said monogamous people are better. I am not monogamous. I am the one with multiple partners. I only choose to protect myself. My husband is in his 40s and is a big boy. He makes his own relationship decisions. How am I being discrimatory by no longer wanting to be fluid bonded with my husband if he has another partner. When I started sleeping with Murf you had better believe I enforced the same rules upon myself. I had several STD tests this past year and my husband and I used condoms until he was comfortable.

The more people you add sexually the more risk there is. You are sleeping with everyone else your partner is sleeping with. Condoms just reduce that risk not eliminate it.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #30  
Old 07-11-2013, 09:40 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Btw.. London why are you getting all bent out of shape. Never once have I said your life style or choices are wrong nor have I attacked you for the way you live your life. Yet you seem feel the need to pfind fault with mine.

Did I miss the memo where you where made the internet poly authority?
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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