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  #11  
Old 07-11-2013, 06:42 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Dishonest people tend to be dishonest in more than one area of their lives.

If you are going to have unprotected sexual contact with any new partner than yes an STD screen is required or no unprotected sexual contact with me. If my husband becomes sexually active with his new love interest you had better believe I will not be having unprotected sex of any kind with him. It is for the protection of my sexual health and also my boyfriend.
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  #12  
Old 07-11-2013, 06:45 PM
london london is offline
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nobody mentioned not using protection with the cheating women though. A cheating person wouldn't risk everything by bringing home an std or a baby.
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  #13  
Old 07-11-2013, 07:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
nobody mentioned not using protection with the cheating women though. A cheating person wouldn't risk everything by bringing home an std or a baby.
You would think.. but unfortunately not often the case.

Maury Povich has built himself a nice little empire from such people.

Take a stroll through relationship forums all over the internet. See for yourself.
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Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #14  
Old 07-11-2013, 07:12 PM
kkxvlv kkxvlv is offline
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Sure she would! She's already risking everything by cheating
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  #15  
Old 07-11-2013, 07:15 PM
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http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&r...td&v=133247963

Here London I googled it for you.
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Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #16  
Old 07-11-2013, 07:25 PM
london london is offline
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That isn't research that proves that cheaters are more likely to be lapse with sexual health than ethically non monogamous people. Explain to me, how someone who has casual, random encounters with protection as part of an ethically non monogamous relationship, like me, is less risky than someone who is cheating but also using protection? This is my point. If the OP requires her husband to have an std check after every protected sexual encounter with a cheater, then she should require the same from me. Identifying as poly does not give you extra immunity against stds.
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  #17  
Old 07-11-2013, 07:32 PM
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I've seen claims that say that STIs are lower in the "Poly community", however, a quick Google search isn't indicating any real studies that back that up. Here's an older thread on the subject with some links:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2414

Overall, it simply seems to boil down to "risk-takers take risks".
If someone's going to take the risk of having a secret affair, then perhaps they'll engage in other risky behavior as well.

Risk level aside, is the person in question a "stick his head in the sand" type, or one to acknowledge the risks and be proactive about them? THAT is what I'd be more concerned with. "Ignore it and it will go away" isn't a good strategy.
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  #18  
Old 07-11-2013, 07:39 PM
london london is offline
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Quote:
Overall, it simply seems to boil down to "risk-takers take risks".
If someone's going to take the risk of having a secret affair, then perhaps they'll engage in other risky behavior as well.
which as i said, seems illogical to me once you put condoms in the mix. Okay, yes, one could still get herpes with a condom on, but because i slut around, i could easily give her husband herpes too. So she should want him to also test every time he has sex with me too, because i slut around. I, too, might be lying about who I fluid bond with and my general safer sex practices. Being poly doesn't make you a saint. As I said, I think this is discrimination against how much sex a person has and under what conditions they form sexual relationships. It has no academic basis
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  #19  
Old 07-11-2013, 07:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
which as i said, seems illogical to me once you put condoms in the mix.
I'm not assuming this is always the case. If a person is a risk-taker, then perhaps they'll just go without "just this once"... or get drunk and "oops"... whatever. I'm not talking about specific people, but the idea that if someone's a bit more of a risk-taker than you are, you may not trust them to always have your (and their) best interests in mind, regardless of how many (or how few) sexual partners they have.

Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
Okay, yes, one could still get herpes with a condom on, but because i slut around, i could easily give her husband herpes too. So she should want him to also test every time he has sex with me too, because i slut around. I, too, might be lying about who I fluid bond with and my general safer sex practices. Being poly doesn't make you a saint. As I said, I think this is discrimination against how much sex a person has and under what conditions they form sexual relationships. It has no academic basis
If you're unsure about how honest your partner's partner is being, then academic basis is moot. You don't trust them. It's an emotional response. I don't think I'd find it easy to trust someone when they're obviously already lying to someone (ostensibly) pretty important to them. What reason would they have to be honest with ME?
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  #20  
Old 07-11-2013, 07:58 PM
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Just because your version of ethical non monogamy includes possible risky sexual behavior doesn't mean the rest of us need to follow your rules. This is OUR sexual health not yours. If I personally want to protect myself by requiring my partner to meet a certain standard that is my right. It is their right to decline but they would no longer be my partner. I am looking out for my sexual health first.
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40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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