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Old 07-11-2013, 07:05 PM
mmmothra mmmothra is offline
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 12

Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
This is still the internet. None of us had to apply to this forum and meet certain admissions criteria to be "approved" by this so-called "community". We didn't all have to agree to be supportively enabling or pass sensitivity training to qualify to be here. Your expectations are unrealistic. Of course, many people also approach their relationships with unrealistic expectations, and then strangers such as myself are the ones who are "pissing on their broken dreams". If you want a padded room, check into a psych hospital; if you can't handle the internet from the comfort, privacy, and safety of your own home, give up on the real world right now.
No, you don't have an obligation on how to conduct yourself - I don't really give a shit how you choose to act. I can have the expectation that this would be a cool community (it is realistic, there are really great online communities out there - it's not like I posted this on 4chan and expected people to be considerate, I think it's not unreasonable to assume a community built around relationships should be supportive). It's fine, you just are showing me that it's not. Whatever, lesson learned, I won't be posting here anymore because it's not what I'm looking for. Have a great time making an argument out of everything you find on the internet, that sounds like a really fulfilling way to spend your time.
Old 07-11-2013, 07:33 PM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

Seriously, you are blowing this out of all proportion. This is a forum site for poly and poly curious people. You posted in a section of that forum where members are freeto give their take on your situation. Your insistence that we are somehow meant to be meandering to your emotional needs is just false and is actually putting you in a worse light than I had you in to begin with. It suggests to me that you feel that anytime someone does something that isn't in accordance with your needs, you accuse them of being mean to you. Nobody is being mean here. We are simply commenting on your original post and subsequent replies. It seems that you are awful at taking criticism. You are only happy to admit fault where you think it lies and you are unprepared to look at things from any other angle.

Again, your use of the word supportive suggests that you think being supportive is agreeing with everything you say and do rather than encouraging you to take steps to create healthier relationships, or terminate relationships that are unhealthy. Just because that isn't what you want to hear it does not mean that the person is being unsupportive. They just aren't willing to support unhealthy, unreasonable behaviours when they see them.
Old 07-11-2013, 07:41 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 373

How many times do a particular three people need to be told they are abrasive and unhelpful before they realize it isn't every person telling them this - its them?
Old 07-11-2013, 07:48 PM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

When the people telling me are not condoning unhealthy, unreasonable behaviour and/or trying to excuse and justify that sort of behaviour, I'll listen. So far, the people who have taken issue with me the most on this site are those who have behaved in ways that I find undesirable and then got mad when I have told them exactly why I find that behaviour undesirable and suggested that we are part of some support group or something. I still strongly maintain that if you do not trust your partner to treat you fairly, you shouldn't be with them. I know other people might feel that it's okay to not have that level of security and it's alright to do a quick snoop, but I don't and will never think that is okay/ Sorry that I can't nicey nicey everything with words that prompts one to visualise fairies and unicorns, but this is me. Feel free to hit ignore if it troubles you.
Old 07-11-2013, 07:54 PM
Malfunktions's Avatar
Malfunktions Malfunktions is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NB, Canada
Posts: 203

Mmmothra- you came to this forum to ask advice, did you not?

I am sorry to have to define the word "advice" for you.

Advice (opinion)

Advice (also called exhortation) is a form of relating personal or institutional opinions, belief systems, values, recommendations or guidance about certain situations relayed in some context to another person, group or party often offered as a guide to action and/or conduct.

What was that word? Opinion.

In postin to a forum like this you are bound to run into opinions that are different to yours. The best you can do is try to see where they are coming from. If you don't get that then simply ask them to define why they went that way. Had you not been so quick to draw straws, I'm sure London and BG would have drawn it out for you. They are reasonable peeps.

Snooping is a delicate subject. But the trust is still the biggest factor. You snooped because, potentially, you faltered in complete truth for a moment.
It's just me, my ramblings and the elevator music in my head.

OKC Profile

Me: bi, reformed wild-child turned mom and house maid LOL
Crux: straight/hypersexual, possibly mono?
BC: our son, 5 years
CM: second son 9 months.
Mouse: girlfriend! Status new, feelings not so much.

Last edited by Malfunktions; 07-11-2013 at 07:57 PM. Reason: Spelling
Old 07-11-2013, 08:12 PM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,015
Exclamation mod note

People better find a better way of introducing themselves to newer members of the community. This sort of thing is happening far too frequently to be acceptable.
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
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distance, intimacy, loss of desire, snooping, suspicions

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