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Old 07-10-2013, 07:51 PM
littlegiggler littlegiggler is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Wales
Posts: 10
Default Stuck

So my Deer and I have been together a few months. It has been a lot of fun, but also not terribly serious. We are really close and I love him, but I know this is not forever and we have discussed this is the past, its been a well known fact since the start of the relationship and I'm ok with this. We have always openly talked about out people and what we want in the future.

This issue that has now come up is that he is not sure he could find another Poly girl that he can be with. He wants to meet new people and try new relationships (which I totally want him to do) but as he doesn't think he can find another poly girl he has started saying that he wants to do this now. I can understand this, though, as I am his first girlfriend.

I know that, today, he doesn't want to break up with me, but I feel like any day now he will walk in and just announce that we are finished (even though I feel like there really isn't anything wrong with the relationship). This feeling is made even worse because I know he has been seeing a lot of this new girl and I think this is why he has started saying this, so it feels like the end will be coming in days, not weeks or months.

I'm terrified and so upset. Previously when relationships have ended, they felt like they need to end. I'm also so torn because I don't want to hold him back, but I also don't want to loose him. It has made me overly clingy and I keep asking questions that are stressing him out, which just doesn't help the whole situation.

This must sound like such a jumble. Basically, can someone give me some advice, maybe previous experience.
Robin: Me, Early 20's, Pansexual, New to polyamory
Butterfly: My Rainbow of a Girlfriend
Deer: My Loving Boyfriend
Both about 6 month relationship
Coyote: Butterfly's Boyfriend
My Story
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Old 07-11-2013, 09:45 AM
BlackUnicorn's Avatar
BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906

What do you feel you need from the relationship with Deer in order to feel more secure? Is he able to give you these things?
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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Old 07-11-2013, 04:40 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by littlegiggler View Post
This issue that has now come up is that he is not sure he could find another Poly girl that he can be with..... I know he has been seeing a lot of this new girl.
So this new girl he is seeing is monogamous? Is that why you are afraid that he is going to leave you, because he's with a girl who will give him an "it's her or me" ultimatum?
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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