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  #1  
Old 07-16-2013, 10:49 AM
RatpackFan RatpackFan is offline
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Default Newbie...saying hello and needing to offload.

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Last edited by RatpackFan; 07-16-2013 at 02:53 PM. Reason: wish to leave
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  #2  
Old 07-16-2013, 02:43 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Do you actually know his wife? Have you ever met her? Similar things were being said about me by my cheating husband. Similar things are said about probably 90% or more of the betrayed wives/husband by their cheating spouses, on the infidelity board I frequent. Often enough, it turns out not to be true. Funny how that works.

Another thing to consider is that, even if you've met her personally, you're still seeing
  • 1) only what he tells you (if she was out of sorts, is it really because she's inherently a bad person, or is it because she's been putting up with his cheating and backstabbing her for years? Just as an example of how what we don't see is affecting what we do see, and totally changes the picture.) And
  • 2) we often interpret a person's behavior through the filter of what we've already been told.


Quote:
they were averaging around once a year for the last few years as she had been saying she wanted a baby -
I'm a little lost here. If she wants a baby, why would she have sex only once a year?

The fact is, you and your boyfriend are cheating on this woman. You're lying to her, deceiving her, looking down your collective noses at her, and telling the world how Very Awful she is. Bad, bad, bad. Yet you hope that somehow she'll come to accept you sleeping with her husband and be just fine with that? Are you hoping she'll also be fine with your long list of criticisms of her and your long list of things you find problematic in her character while apparently lauding yourself and your boyfriend as Better People TM?

If she comes to accept you sleeping with her husband, are the three of you (you, your husband, your boyfriend) going to stop badmouthing her character and include her, or is it going to continue to be the three of you socializing, discussing how Very Awful she is, and Very Good the three of you are, and expecting that somehow this is not going to hurt her immensely, and that somehow, she'll just keep smiling and be nice, and think this is all great?

Just some things to consider in your goal of her being okay with this.
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  #3  
Old 07-17-2013, 01:10 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Awww, you scared the newbie away with some unvarnished, honest feedback. Sigh.

Oh well, I didn't see the original message, but it sounds like a lot of drama, judging by your answer. I hope it all works out. Maybe she'll come back and try to be brave enough to write again and take whatever feedback is given - we're all strangers, anyway.
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Old 07-17-2013, 01:17 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Awww, you scared the newbie away with some unvarnished, honest feedback. Sigh.
Looks like WH dosed the OP with some reality there. I imagine most people are not used to being handed honest assessments of their situation and it could come as quite a shock.

The fact that the poster came back to delete it makes me think that the response was actually read - which might have been enough to get them on a path to self improvement. That's what I'm going to tell myself this morning.
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Old 07-17-2013, 01:28 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
The fact that the poster came back to delete it makes me think that the response was actually read - which might have been enough to get them on a path to self improvement. That's what I'm going to tell myself this morning.
Yes, I was thinking the same thing. Something struck a nerve. I hope it did some good.
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