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  #1  
Old 01-04-2018, 03:24 PM
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TLynnP TLynnP is offline
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Default Upside Down and Inside Out

My husband, who I'll call Vette since he has a corvette, and I have been married for 14 years now. We both were previously married. His first marriage was open and kind of poly. Vette is a very laid back person with the most open mind I have ever met. Since day one he has encouraged me to explore my sexuality knowing that I was attracted to women as well as men. Not until recently have I really felt comfortable with myself to admit that I have always desired to be with more than one person be it male or female. Last year I started opening up to Vette about this and he has been very encouraging. I was kind of surprised he was OK with me wanting to date men as well as women. I still didn't act on it though. Self doubt, low self esteem, fear of dating disappointment (I'm not good at dating), doubt anyone interested in being with a married person....the list goes on. Growing up I didn't dream of the house with the picket fence, husband, 2.5 kids - I daydreamed of a house full of people as a family unit. I loved living with multiple roommates - it's the natural mother hen/care taker in me. I've met other people with multiple partners with different living situations and was jealous - I wanted that! But I had no idea what "that" was or how to get it. It wasn't until 2015 that I heard the word "polyamory" on a panel at a Sci/Fi convention. I really wanted to hunt that guy down afterwords and ask him a million questions. But my insecurities stopped me. This past summer Vette lost his job and because of my encouragement interviewed with a company in another city that I knew he'd love even though he knew I did NOT want to move again. Well of course he got the damn job We spent 6 months with him commuting weekly between the cities while I finished renovating our home to get a higher price for our house. I'm a house wife and I was able to spend 12 hours a day working on the house. This gave me A LOT of time to think and no one to talk to. It was horrible. But I did find out more about myself. Up until this point in our marriage I kept expecting Vette to be my "everything" and getting really upset that he wasn't. I won't lie, I thought about leaving. I loved him too much. I didn't want to leave. I wanted him to want to do things with me and like the same things (I know now that is unrealistic). I started reading some erotica books that had poly couples or "reverse harem" story lines. This is where I came across the term polyamory again. I started researching and realized THIS! This is what I have been looking for. Vette is totally supportive of my exploration into the poly world. Since the move we've been much more open, talking about polyamory, what we're comfortable with (at this point anything - we haven't hit on any road blocks). We've both opened a dating profile on OKC. I hadn't had any luck meeting people being a house wife with no kids and not religious. Very limited social circles even with meetup and being in the SCA. Plus I wanted to go on dates/meet people who I knew ahead of time were OK with poly. It's scary dating again. I'm working on my self-esteem and self confidence. I started seeing a counselor who thankfully is OK with open marriages and LGBT. I've met one person through OKC and been to one poly meetup. Reading More Than Two by Eve Rickert which has not been the easiest read due to writing style. We both just started The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy - this is more my speed. I'll keep you posted on my adventures!
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  #2  
Old 01-05-2018, 07:16 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Hello and welcome, sounds like you have a good start to the next chapter in your life journey!

Just FYI, if it doesn't seem that people are responding, it is because you have posted in the Life Stories and Blogs section (which is fine!)where discussion is limited unless the poster is asking for feedback. People will read, but only comment if it seems the OP desires that.

JaneQ
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JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #3  
Old 01-05-2018, 07:21 PM
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TLynnP TLynnP is offline
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Default Replies are welcome

Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
Hello and welcome, sounds like you have a good start to the next chapter in your life journey!

Just FYI, if it doesn't seem that people are responding, it is because you have posted in the Life Stories and Blogs section (which is fine!)where discussion is limited unless the poster is asking for feedback. People will read, but only comment if it seems the OP desires that.

JaneQ
Thank you JaneQ
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  #4  
Old 01-08-2018, 01:17 PM
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TLynnP TLynnP is offline
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Default OKC and murky waters

I know everyone has some complaint or another about OKC. But damn! They need to get their shit together. I don't know how they match people but I'm pretty sure it's a coin toss. Weeding through the matches is so time consuming since they keep matching me with people who are NOT OK with open or poly relationships. Key words - a joke. Anyway, that's my vent about that.

I have met two males from OKC, Dancer - 14 years younger than me - nice guy, a workaholic introvert who's trying to becoming more socially comfortable. Very intelligent and analytical. Nice guy but can't see that being anything more than friendship, which is fine with me. The second person I met, Desperate - 10 years older than me - also a really nice man and easy to talk to but not going anywhere. He's been in a loveless marriage for a long time and desperate for companionship and intimacy. He's also not my type physically - not a young "55". The lesson learned from this past week? Narrowing my age range

I also had coffee with someone we met at a local poly meetup group. She's only a couple years older than me. Her husband, Coach, and her are at the same place in the poly experience that we are. Although I'm not sure that I mentioned that Vette had an open/poly relationship with his first wife. Blue and I got along really well. She's easy to talk with. We are going to help each other threw this journeys start. I hope we - Vette, Blue, Coach and I can become good friends and support for each other. Coach is having a harder time with opening up the marriage - feelings of guilt but working through it. Their story is a little different than ours. Blue realized this past year she's a lesbian but still loves Coach very much.

I've been chatting with 3D from OKC as well. He's a couple of years younger than me, married with 2 small children. We haven't been able to get our schedules to work yet but there seems to be some definite attraction between the two of us. I hope to meet him this week in person.

I've decided, per a different post, that I'm tired of being afraid, feeling guilty, ashamed and insecure with my sexuality. Some books were recommended, which I have purchased and will start reading this week, along with working with my counselor I hope to make me more confident and free to express myself and act on desires without guilt or shame.

Thanks for reading - feel free to reply if you want.
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Old 01-08-2018, 07:49 PM
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vinsanity0 vinsanity0 is online now
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OKC uses an algorithm based on the answers to those questions. Ironically, the more questions you answer the less likely it will be that you find someone that meets specific criteria like nonmonogamy.

If you change your search parameters based on one guy you are only limiting yourself. For instance, I am 55 but people think I am in my 40's.

What irks me is when people message me and it's obvious they are monogamous. I am quite clear in my ad that I am poly.
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Old 01-10-2018, 01:36 PM
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TLynnP TLynnP is offline
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Default For All That is Holy...

Don't send me naked picks!! Ugh online dating is exhausting. No, I don't want to see a strangers penis or boobs. That's what the internet is for Another stellar moment from my OKC experience (pic was sent through Kik).
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  #7  
Old 01-10-2018, 05:05 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vinsanity0 View Post
OKC uses an algorithm based on the answers to those questions. Ironically, the more questions you answer the less likely it will be that you find someone that meets specific criteria like nonmonogamy.

If you change your search parameters based on one guy you are only limiting yourself. For instance, I am 55 but people think I am in my 40's.

What irks me is when people message me and it's obvious they are monogamous. I am quite clear in my ad that I am poly.
One of the best things you can do for poly is to rate only the very important items as very important. In this case, the poly related ones. Do not rate unimportant things as important. This will dramatically increase the accuracy of your matches.
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  #8  
Old 01-20-2018, 08:51 PM
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TLynnP TLynnP is offline
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Default Snowmegedon

I met this guy, GH, over a week ago. We hit it off right away. We met for dinner and then came back to my place for some serious cuddling That was on a Thursday. For the weekend we both had other plans and wouldn't be able to meet up again until the work week. Then the snow started - ugh. We got over 6 inches here in Raleigh - which shut the city down. He got stuck working from home and taking care of his 6 year old son. I have no idea where his wife was. They are separated but still living together for finances and their son. They have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Anyway, he hasn't been able to get any time away to come see me. Frustrating and I know I'm being impatient.

3D and I are still texting only. I really enjoy our chatting but would really like to meet with him. He still has a lot going on and doesn't know when he'll have free time. I'm not sure what to think about that but I've decided to approach it with a no expectation attitude and just enjoy our texting banter.

There have been quite a few people through OKC that say they want to meet someone, keep chatting with me, but don't have time for someone new. Then why are you advertising on OKC?? Ugh. If it's simply that you aren't interested, then tell me that. Quit making up excuses not to meet and string me along through texting. I'm feeling very frustrated.

I realize on-line dating is not easy but be honest on your profiles. Don't say you're looking and then say you don't have time in you're busy schedule. Or at least be an adult and say you're not interested.

I'm stepping off my soap box now. Taking a deep breath and plowing through.
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  #9  
Old 01-21-2018, 05:10 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Dating pro tip:

As someone who has been on OKC for 9 years: men will say anything to get laid. Even worse, men will string you along online and try to get you talking sexy talk, or say, join KIK, just so they can get turned on by your words or the knowledge you've seen their dick pic, so they can happily jerk off and cum.

Men will say they want to date but so so many are losers who just wanna jerk off, cum, and get on with their day.

Sad, but true.

Dating is HARD! And now OKC requires you to pay to play. I've been a free member of OKC for a long time. This angers me.
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