Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-15-2013, 02:21 PM
DougAli DougAli is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2
Default Hello

Hello everyone

My wife and I are relatively new to considering a poly relationship and we just stumbled upon this forum while trying to understand the new relationship paradigm that we were desiring. We are in Alberta Canada. We've both been married before and have a blended family together.
For quite some time we have discussed bringing another person into our bed but we both agreed that randoms or swinging is not desirable for either of us. We would like to establish a committed relationship between us and another hetero couple and are more focused on having emotional intimacy rather than it being just about sex.
We have two pairs of married couple friends that we feel strongly about any have concidered coming out to. We are still left with some doubts and confusion though.

We look forward to our journey regardless of who we chose to share it with. We hope to be able to discuss and learn much from this community.
Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2013, 02:42 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 4,041

Well why don't you come out to your friends and see what they say? Not come on to them, just come out to them.

The chances of you, as a couple, establishing a romantic sexual relationship with both members of another couple are slim to none. Heck, the chances of you, as a couple, establishing a romantic sexual relationship with one person "to share" are also slim to none.

Bringing another person into "our bed" is a common but misguided impulse in poly noobs. Most experienced poly people, coupled or not, date and fuck separately.

Probably not what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
I am in a somewhat new relationship with Luka
Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2013, 05:26 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Welcome to the forums.

I agree with Mag and would say you should come out first and see how that goes. Developing feelings is usually something that occurs naturally, its hard to "pick" who your could partner with when they may not even be in the same hemisphere.

Coupling with couples is possible. It does and can happen, but the expectation of equal relationships is tough. Maybe metamours will be friends while there will be three who are lovers etc. In poly the key is to be open to the possibilities, try not to create too many limitations initially.

Welcome to poly, its quite a journey ..
Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2013, 08:29 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 7,005

Hello DougAli,
Welcome to our forum.

I hope you will have good luck in coming out to the couples you're interested in. In the meantime, take your time and read a lot on our boards and threads. Post any thoughts, questions, or concerns you may have.

It definitely sounds like you are interested in a poly relationship. I'm glad you could join us.

Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2013, 10:13 PM
DougAli DougAli is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2

Thanks for the replies so far, there is definitely a lot to learn from this forum. I (D) just read this article by David Nobles (Thanks to Tantric for posting it in the articles section). I think we are doing a few things right, but I could also see us slipping into some of the pitfalls David detailed. Some of the pitfalls might be must-haves for us, but knowing how to include them will defiantly help us to not create a box to try and stuff someone else into.

Our thoughts were always that coming-out to our friends was the appropriate method. Reserve coming-on-to for Barney Stinson

For quite some time we have discussed bringing another person into our bed but we both agreed that randoms or swinging is not desirable for either of us.
I just re-read our wording here and can understand why we may have come across more like noobs (Not denying that we are poly-noobs right now) We were simply trying to express that we desire that person or couple to share lives with and not just be short-term-physical.

We consider ourselves very lucky to have these two existing couples as friend in our lives. We have already grown very close with them and have strong emotional ties - which we think are reciprocated. Foremost for us is maintaining the connection we already have, if nothing develops further after we come out to them we will still be just as happy and care for them just as we do now. (Of course there is risk that things could go south in any relationship regardless of friends, lovers, hetero, poly...)
Reply With Quote
Old 07-16-2013, 12:46 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,799

Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Welcome to the forums.
And welcome back to you, Ari !!! Good to see you posting here again after a very long absence - you have been missed. I hope all is going great with you!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
Reply With Quote

alberta, couple

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 10:15 AM.