Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 07-12-2013, 01:47 PM
bookworm's Avatar
bookworm bookworm is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SE Mo
Posts: 61
Default

Phy I think that you and nycindie both make good points. Keith seems really happy with the way things are and maybe I just feel a bit guilty that I don't spend as much time going and doing things with Keith as I do Bob. But then again, Keith enjoys different things and we have a different kind of relationship. I should probably quit worrying so much since things are working just fine as they are.
__________________
Living with Keith a bi-guy
Secondary ptr is Bob
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 07-15-2013, 01:16 AM
bookworm's Avatar
bookworm bookworm is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SE Mo
Posts: 61
Default

Its been a good weekend for all of us. We each had our date nights and movie nights and all has gone well. I have planned to spend next Saturday night with Bob and Keith is fine with that. Keith and Bob even spent some time together this weekend when I had to work.

The only issue was Lee calling yesterday. I tried to ignore him but he wouldn't take the hint and Bob knew who it was. I later text him and told him that it should have been obvious I was busy. I hate to have to cut all ties with Lee but he's not making it easy. I'm beginning to think it would be better for all of us if I did so.
__________________
Living with Keith a bi-guy
Secondary ptr is Bob
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 07-19-2013, 04:58 PM
bookworm's Avatar
bookworm bookworm is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SE Mo
Posts: 61
Default

Things have been going well. I've made the decision to stop talking to Lee. He has called and text a few times and I've not answered. I had tried talking to him about this before and didn't get anywhere. He seemed to think if he waited long enough I would come back. In any case, I've got to be realistic. Its not helping anybody by prolonging the inevitable. That relationship is over and I should treat it as such. As hard as it is, its time to simplify my life and enjoy those that are in it.
__________________
Living with Keith a bi-guy
Secondary ptr is Bob
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 07-21-2013, 04:48 PM
bookworm's Avatar
bookworm bookworm is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SE Mo
Posts: 61
Default

The ups and downs of life are happening again. I had made the decision to completely cut Lee from my life. I guess that's easier said than done. He's been calling and texting and asking for an explanation. He said he thought that we were still talking. I broke down and gave him an explanation. I felt after all these years I owed him that much. I told him I thought things were too complicated and decided that maybe we shouldn't be in contact. Its just too hard.

On the up side, I spent the night with Bob last night. I always love our nights together and waking up with him. Its hard to come home sometimes but at the same time I am glad to be home once I get here. Keith seemed happy I was home and it always feels right when the three of us are together.
__________________
Living with Keith a bi-guy
Secondary ptr is Bob
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 07-26-2013, 05:35 PM
bookworm's Avatar
bookworm bookworm is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SE Mo
Posts: 61
Default

I find myself thinking a lot about my relationship with Keith lately. I really miss the intimacy we used to have. Things seemed to change a lot in that department a few years ago. It just seemed like his libido just took a nosedive. He just simply wasn't interested in sex any more. That was way before Bob, so its not like he pulled away from me because of that relationship. He wasn't seeing anyone else to my knowledge. We have always been open about that and he would have no reason to hide another relationship. In fact I have encouraged it on occasion.

Regardless of the reason, I miss it. I miss our sex life like it had been a few years ago. And its more than just the sexual act. Its not like I don't get any, me and Bob have an excellent sex life. Nearly every day in fact. And Keith and I do have sex, but its not often, a couple of times a month maybe. But I miss that intimacy with Keith. I miss being close to him and being touched by him. Any time I have ever tried to discuss it with him he just gets angry. It makes me sad. Other than learning to live with the change I haven't found any other way to deal with it.
__________________
Living with Keith a bi-guy
Secondary ptr is Bob
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 07-27-2013, 03:03 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,183
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bookworm View Post
. . . Keith and I do have sex, but its not often, a couple of times a month maybe. But I miss that intimacy with Keith. I miss being close to him and being touched by him. Any time I have ever tried to discuss it with him he just gets angry. It makes me sad.
You can still share intimate touch without it being sexual - give each other massages, take baths together, dancing, cuddling, etc. Maybe try to rekindle some of that, slowly, without focusing on sex. And when you feel the need to talk, don't bring it up like there's a problem. Instead, just express what you like and what feels good, as in, "Oh, I love how you rub my shoulders."
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 07-27-2013, 02:46 PM
bookworm's Avatar
bookworm bookworm is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SE Mo
Posts: 61
Default

Yes, I keep trying things like this but I don't seem to be getting anywhere.
__________________
Living with Keith a bi-guy
Secondary ptr is Bob
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 08-01-2013, 04:16 PM
bookworm's Avatar
bookworm bookworm is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SE Mo
Posts: 61
Default

Last night was my date night with Bob. I always love our time together, and its more than just sex. I love the time we spend cuddling and talking and just enjoying each other. Last night we were together a bit later than usual, but not so much that Keith was upset about it. But we said goodnite and I didn't text him when I went to bed. As a consequence he was concerned and I ended up getting up in the middle of the night to call him and reassure him all was ok. I wish there was something I could do to ease his mind and make him understand I can't turn my feelings off like a light switch. I know he's been hurt in the past but I'm not them. But I know how hard it is sometimes to let go of the past and move forward.
__________________
Living with Keith a bi-guy
Secondary ptr is Bob
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 08-07-2013, 11:44 AM
bookworm's Avatar
bookworm bookworm is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SE Mo
Posts: 61
Default

Things have been a bit strained the last few days. Bob had a friend that committed suicide and he has really had a hard time with it. He's been depressed and I'm worried about him. Hopefully time will help. I will always do my best to be there for him. But I know he's used to things when he wants to and being with someone who can do the same. But I just can't. And that isn't helping his mood. He said last night that he only hangs around for me, but doesn't he realize that he's Keith's best friend? I've told him that but apparently it doesn't go both ways. I love Bob dearly and if things were different I would marry him this moment, but I can't simply toss Keith aside along with my home and all that I've worked for. Keith has been very supportive of me and Bob I just wish it was the same the other way.
__________________
Living with Keith a bi-guy
Secondary ptr is Bob
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 08-07-2013, 10:27 PM
bookworm's Avatar
bookworm bookworm is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SE Mo
Posts: 61
Default

I keep wondering if the time will come and I will have to choose. I can't help but think that its only a matter of time. Then what? Its like staring at a fork in the road and not knowing which way to go. Its not like there are arrows saying this leads to here or there. If I follow my heart I will choose Bob. But my head tells me Keith is the choice. I know if I choose Bob there will be no more poly and I do enjoy that type of relationship. And my home and everything that I've worked so hard for will be for naught. But my relationship with Keith is so different, a bit colder if you will. The true happiness of my heart doesn't lie solely with Keith. He's strong and stable and supportive and all those grown up things. But my heart won't be happy if I have to give up Bob.
__________________
Living with Keith a bi-guy
Secondary ptr is Bob
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:06 PM.